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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To warn parents about teenage GF

294 replies

Stayoutofitorno · 30/12/2025 22:59

DS had a party for his 18th birthday last night.

One of his oldest friends brought his gf along. They’ve been going out for a few months and are apparently joined at the hip according to his parents.

We cut a cake and DH and I said a few words. For extra context DS had a very difficult year with the death of his best friend. It was important for us to take a moment to mark how proud we are and tell a few stories about him.

During the speeches the friend’s gf was talking loudly and being rude. One of DD19’s friends asked her to be quiet and she just swore at her and carried on laughing and talking. DD19 went over to shush her and got the same reaction. She told the gf if she couldn’t be respectful she would need to leave. The gf said fine and out of nowhere slapped DD hard across the face. Her cheek was red and hot an hour later and her lip was swollen. DH and a female friend of ours stepped in and ensured she left. Her bf was mortified. DH told him he was welcome to stay or come back to the party later but he didn’t return.

Everyone who witnessed the incident agreed that DD was calm and the reaction was completely unjustified.

AIBU to get in touch with his parents and let them know about her behaviour? She’s clearly pretty volatile to be hitting someone she’s never met before in their home in front of their parents while surrounded by people. I worry about what she might be like in private. But they’re 18, so should we stay out of it? We’ve known his parents for years and have socialised together. We don’t know the girl at all and DD is unlikely to come into contact with her again.

OP posts:
charlieandjenna · 31/12/2025 06:47

If I was the parent I would want to know and if as you say, they had been long term friends and you know them fairly well I would be surprised if you didn’t tell me first hand.

BeAmberZebra · 31/12/2025 06:48

Your DD sounds sensible. 18 year olds are still immature and while there is no excuse for her behaviour maybe it wasn’t the sort of 18 year party she was expecting what with little speeches etc from parents. she probably had a bit two much to drink and behaved badly, possibly out of character. You could really damage her life by telling parents and or police. Please think before you act.

mbonfield · 31/12/2025 06:48

Hi Op Sounds like drink was the cause of her assaulting your DD.
Gave her bravado in front of the party. The problem is she is an adult supposedly and informing her parents may cause further issues.

Tablesandchairs23 · 31/12/2025 07:00

Report her to the police.

NotARealWookiie · 31/12/2025 07:36

I do understand that you want to respect your daughter re the police but an assault took place in your house and you should report this. It’s also modelling to the very young adults in your house that assault is criminal behaviour and not to be tolerated.

Without wanting to be dramatic, if this is a pattern of behaviour rather than a one off drunken incident, she could go on to seriously hurt someone if her behaviour is unchecked. Being arrested might help her to see the error of her ways and maybe change them.

Thegrenadine3 · 31/12/2025 07:37

I have a DS who is a similar age. He has very good friends he’s known for much of his life - and I’ve course got to know most of the parents over time, some have even become close friends.

Absolutely I would be telling them what happened if their child had a partner that hit my dd. It’s completely unacceptable and just because they are technically adults is no reason to keep one’s mouth shut.

Blueuggboots · 31/12/2025 07:39

I’d be reporting it to the police?!

ThejoyofNC · 31/12/2025 07:42

Never mind, just the boy's parents, I'd be telling anyone who will listen to stay away from this violent girl.

Catladywithoutacat · 31/12/2025 07:42

Your dd made the right decision not calling police considering this horrible girl is clearly unhinged
hope your dd is okay and hopefully that boy won’t be with her any longer

PolkaDotPorridge · 31/12/2025 07:45

That warrants a phone call to the police. Poor DD!

MyDeftDuck · 31/12/2025 07:49

This random GF comes into your home, kicks off when asked to be quiet whilst your DH speaks, refuses to do so initially, when asked against she SLAPS someone!!!! That is assault and despite the ages I would definitely be informing all parents of those who attended the event plus reporting this to the police.

LostittoBostik · 31/12/2025 07:50

BeAmberZebra · 31/12/2025 06:48

Your DD sounds sensible. 18 year olds are still immature and while there is no excuse for her behaviour maybe it wasn’t the sort of 18 year party she was expecting what with little speeches etc from parents. she probably had a bit two much to drink and behaved badly, possibly out of character. You could really damage her life by telling parents and or police. Please think before you act.

This is possible - but if it were the case surely a huge apology would be forthcoming once she’d sobered up.

what does DS say about her? What does he make of her in general? I would be expecting him to have a serious word with his friend about the lack of respect for his family.

if you reverse the genders, what would you expect? Expect that from your son

Fundays12 · 31/12/2025 07:51

Stayoutofitorno · 30/12/2025 23:24

Our DD is 19, she’s an adult and decided she didn’t want to call the police.

Show quote history

OP i do agree she is an adult but given this happened in the safety of her own home and wss unprovoked she really should call the police. It may escalate as thia girl is clearly unhinged.

BeAmberZebra · 31/12/2025 07:57

LostittoBostik · 31/12/2025 07:50

This is possible - but if it were the case surely a huge apology would be forthcoming once she’d sobered up.

what does DS say about her? What does he make of her in general? I would be expecting him to have a serious word with his friend about the lack of respect for his family.

if you reverse the genders, what would you expect? Expect that from your son

Show quote history

She’s embarrassed probably hiding and hoping it all goes away. Would love to know DS views on all this.

Londonrach1 · 31/12/2025 08:00

Needs reporting to the police and that way the parents will find out so no need to tell them

Blooperz · 31/12/2025 08:02

Your DD needs to understand that this is a police matter. Yes i understand shes resilient but obviously this slap will likely be one of many physical assaults this girl dishes out. Best report the assault as you don’t know who else she knocks about and to what degree - her boyfriend could be a quiet victim of violence. So yes report it to the police, even if she walks away with a warning, it might be the incentive she needs to behave. Also pop and chat to the boyfriends parents, at least they will be able to support their son appropriately

CremeCarmel · 31/12/2025 08:05

Tell them. The couple being joined at the hip
could be a red flag for a controlling relationship. The parents need to keep an eye on it and be aware.

SatsumaDog · 31/12/2025 08:06

Yes, I would tell his parents. I would also report it to the police. There’s something seriously wrong with someone who does something like that. I wouldn’t want my son dating her. Hopefully he’ll dump her.

Moonnstarz · 31/12/2025 08:07

I would be encouraging your DD to go to the police. This sounds like an unprovoked attacked and if this girl is unstable who's to say she won't go after your daughter again (or even your son as it was his party and she will have left embarrassed).
If she had done it on impulse, quickly apologised and seemed genuinely mortified then I would understand not reporting but it seems like she just left without a word.

Also imagine if you saw her name come up for assaulting someone else in the not so distant future - possibly having the police involved now could prevent a bigger assault on someone (if she is volatile maybe she is the type to get involved in a pub fight, glass someone or whatever).

If you are friends with the parents then I would definitely mention it in conversation. 'It all kicked off at Adams party last night..did Sam tell you what happened with his gf'

SatsumaDog · 31/12/2025 08:10

BeAmberZebra · 31/12/2025 06:48

Your DD sounds sensible. 18 year olds are still immature and while there is no excuse for her behaviour maybe it wasn’t the sort of 18 year party she was expecting what with little speeches etc from parents. she probably had a bit two much to drink and behaved badly, possibly out of character. You could really damage her life by telling parents and or police. Please think before you act.

Are you serious! This is not a case of immaturity. You don’t go around slapping people across the face because you’ve had too much to drink. Not if you’re normal anyway.

Tryingatleast · 31/12/2025 08:14

ActiveTiger
You allowed someone hit your daughter and didn't report it wow
how is that helpful? Her dd didn’t want to, no doubt they talked about it

Namechangerage · 31/12/2025 08:15

I’d first get DS to ask his friend to come over for a chat. I’d ask him if his GF is usually like that and tell him that she is lucky DD didn’t report to the police. I’d also give him warning that I will tell his parents.

Rileysp · 31/12/2025 08:15

Stayoutofitorno · 30/12/2025 22:59

DS had a party for his 18th birthday last night.

One of his oldest friends brought his gf along. They’ve been going out for a few months and are apparently joined at the hip according to his parents.

We cut a cake and DH and I said a few words. For extra context DS had a very difficult year with the death of his best friend. It was important for us to take a moment to mark how proud we are and tell a few stories about him.

During the speeches the friend’s gf was talking loudly and being rude. One of DD19’s friends asked her to be quiet and she just swore at her and carried on laughing and talking. DD19 went over to shush her and got the same reaction. She told the gf if she couldn’t be respectful she would need to leave. The gf said fine and out of nowhere slapped DD hard across the face. Her cheek was red and hot an hour later and her lip was swollen. DH and a female friend of ours stepped in and ensured she left. Her bf was mortified. DH told him he was welcome to stay or come back to the party later but he didn’t return.

Everyone who witnessed the incident agreed that DD was calm and the reaction was completely unjustified.

AIBU to get in touch with his parents and let them know about her behaviour? She’s clearly pretty volatile to be hitting someone she’s never met before in their home in front of their parents while surrounded by people. I worry about what she might be like in private. But they’re 18, so should we stay out of it? We’ve known his parents for years and have socialised together. We don’t know the girl at all and DD is unlikely to come into contact with her again.

Totally appropriate to let them know.

saraclara · 31/12/2025 08:16

DH and I are going to wait to see if his parents reach out to us. We are pretty sure they will if they are told what happened.

Why wait, @Stayoutofitorno ? Let's face it, their son isn't going to tell them, and why would anyone else?
You were the adults present, and it happened in your house. Just tell them.

BreatheAndFocus · 31/12/2025 08:16

I’d report it to the police too. Maybe nothing will happen if your DD doesn’t want to speak to them, but I’d still be reporting it, along with the girl’s name and any photos of the injuries. Then it will be on record.

I’d also be speaking to the boy’s parents. Why on earth is he with someone like that? Probably he used to making excuses to himself for her behaviour and it’s likely she’s behaved in abusive ways to him before. She sounds unhinged.