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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To warn parents about teenage GF

294 replies

Stayoutofitorno · 30/12/2025 22:59

DS had a party for his 18th birthday last night.

One of his oldest friends brought his gf along. They’ve been going out for a few months and are apparently joined at the hip according to his parents.

We cut a cake and DH and I said a few words. For extra context DS had a very difficult year with the death of his best friend. It was important for us to take a moment to mark how proud we are and tell a few stories about him.

During the speeches the friend’s gf was talking loudly and being rude. One of DD19’s friends asked her to be quiet and she just swore at her and carried on laughing and talking. DD19 went over to shush her and got the same reaction. She told the gf if she couldn’t be respectful she would need to leave. The gf said fine and out of nowhere slapped DD hard across the face. Her cheek was red and hot an hour later and her lip was swollen. DH and a female friend of ours stepped in and ensured she left. Her bf was mortified. DH told him he was welcome to stay or come back to the party later but he didn’t return.

Everyone who witnessed the incident agreed that DD was calm and the reaction was completely unjustified.

AIBU to get in touch with his parents and let them know about her behaviour? She’s clearly pretty volatile to be hitting someone she’s never met before in their home in front of their parents while surrounded by people. I worry about what she might be like in private. But they’re 18, so should we stay out of it? We’ve known his parents for years and have socialised together. We don’t know the girl at all and DD is unlikely to come into contact with her again.

OP posts:
andweallsingalong · 30/12/2025 23:30

YABU for not calling the police. You are an adult who witnessed an assault. It is important to show your DD you won't tolerate violence in your home and for the police to start to build a picture of this young woman. Also to get her help if it is drugs/ alcohol related (which would have been far easier if they could have come, arrested her and tested her for cocaine straight away).

Original poster
Stayoutofitorno · 30/12/2025 23:31

BauhausOfEliott · 30/12/2025 23:18

You haven’t witnessed her do anything to her boyfriend, though.

What do you expect the boyfriend’s parents to do, really? They can’t ban their son from seeing her; he’s an adult. And ‘We saw your son’s girlfriend slap our daughter’ isn’t really their problem. It’s between your daughter and the girl, not between the girl and her boyfriend - and it’s even less about the girl and her boyfriend’s parents.

If you witnessed a young man shove another boy his age in a bit of a drunken scuffle outside a pub, I don’t think you’d assume he must be beating up his girlfriend. I think you need to support your daughter in whatever she wants to do in response to being attacked. But the girl’s behaviour beyond that incident is entirely unknown to you and you don’t have any grounds to start interfering in your son’s friend’s relationships or to involve his parents.

It wasn’t a shove or a drunken scuffle it was a hard slap across the face completely unprovoked.

I don’t know about you but we brought our kids up to never lay a hand on anyone. If I saw a man punch another man after being politely asked to calm down I would absolutely have concerns about his behaviour. I think the reason there is such a problem with domestic violence is because we look away and excuse men’s violence. It’s not ok to hit someone unless you are defending yourself.

OP posts:
ActiveTiger · 30/12/2025 23:31

You allowed someone hit your daughter and didn't report it wow

andweallsingalong · 30/12/2025 23:32

The police moved away from needing the victims consent to prosecute years ago. Difficult in a domestic situation with no other witnesses, but easy at a party with a room full of them.

CraftyPlayer · 30/12/2025 23:34

I would call them and ask for her details, say it’s to report her to police (even if you’re not reporting) that way they will know without it looking like you just want to tell them.

TheUsualChaos · 30/12/2025 23:34

ActiveTiger · 30/12/2025 23:31

You allowed someone hit your daughter and didn't report it wow

How on earth have you interpreted the OP as "allowing" this incident? Sounds like everyone was in total shock.

catontheironingboard · 30/12/2025 23:45

You do need to tell the bf’s parents, and you should also report it to the police: it’s assault. (Take photos of your DD’s face with any marks.) Even if the police do not decide to prosecute, a visit from them, and a potential caution, may help this girl to address her behaviour before she gets into far worse trouble.

ByeChristmas · 30/12/2025 23:48

Yes but because you know the parents well already or have had a regular relationship with them in the past.

if you didn’t know the parents I’d say no.

SunMoonandChocolate · 30/12/2025 23:51

OP, please talk your daughter into reporting this assault. She may prefer not to, but for all you, and she know, this girl could make a habit of behaving like this, and if it's all swept under the carpet, how many other people will have to suffer an assault before someone reports it.

I was assaulted at a club as a teenager, by two girls because one of them thought I'd 'stolen' her boyfriend. I was sitting down when it happened, so in no position to protect myself. When my Dad collected me, and saw me with a split, and rapidly swelling lip, he took me home, and immediately called the police. The girls were prosecuted for ABH (Actual Bodily Harm). I was horrified that my parents reported it, as I could imagine the girls coming after me again, but having seen how scared they were when standing in front of the Magistrates, having to face up to what they'd done, it gave me the courage to continue going out, as I knew that if they attacked me again, they'd be in serious trouble. Girls like this need to know that it is NOT alright!

Moveoverdarlin · 30/12/2025 23:57

I would. Definitely.

If someone smacked my DD around the face in our own home at a party we were hosting I would be fucking livid. I would teach her a lesson and would definitely call the Police. Obviously nothing will happen but it might put the wind up her. She sounds hideous. I’d also tell your son’s friend ‘You’re always welcome here Ben, you’re a lovely lad and we’ve always liked you, but if that vile girl you’re seeing comes within a mile radius of this house or my daughter, she’ll regret it.’

comedycentral · 31/12/2025 00:03

I'm imagining myself in your shoes, I know most of my sons parents well enough to text them and give them a bit of a heads up. If I didn't know them I might leave it to my son to resolve with friends. What a horrible thing to happen though.

Netcurtainnelly · 31/12/2025 00:03

Nice young lady then not.

PollyBell · 31/12/2025 00:04

Go to the police would be more logical

MySilentLions · 31/12/2025 00:05

Thelondonone · 30/12/2025 23:00

They will find out anyway. It’s not your news to share. They will ask you about it. Let them bring it up.

Of course it’s OP’s news to share - it was her DD who was assaulted!! What a ridiculous response. I hope OP ignores you!

sittingonabeach · 31/12/2025 00:09

If it had been a boyfriend of a girl slapping/hitting your DD and you knew the girl’s parents what would you be doing @Stayoutofitorno

TheMerryJoker · 31/12/2025 00:11

depends on the parents they may already be aware of her temper issues etc that said all the best op and hope she is ok (dd) @Stayoutofitorno

Ponderingwindow · 31/12/2025 00:16

I think you should have called the police. Since you didn’t, the least you should do is contact the young man’s parents. You should also contact the young woman’s parents if you can find their information.

If I saw two men getting into a drunken scuffle, I absolutely would presume they were likely to engage in domestic violence. Decent men don’t get involved in fights. They might be forced to use violence in self defense or defense of another person, but they won’t use it as part of an argument.

The same applies to women. If she does this in public, I would be very worried about what she is doing in private.

Whatacraptimeofyear · 31/12/2025 00:19

saraclara · 30/12/2025 23:10

If you're friends with his parents, I think it'd be reasonably normal and natural to give them a call and say 'wtf is it with Adam's girlfriend?'. It'd almost be odd not to.

If you don't know them well, it's a bit more nuanced.

Completely agree with this! If you are friends with his parents it would be weirder to not mention it .

SaySomethingMan · 31/12/2025 00:22

i’d have called the police. Even if it was for your DD to then tell them she didn’t want to press charges.

a shame no one slapped her back …

SaySomethingMan · 31/12/2025 00:24

If you socialise with the parents, then I would mention it next time you see them as n incident that occurred at your DS’s party. She sounds really nasty . How rough does one have to be to behave like that?!

Dollybantree · 31/12/2025 00:24

Stayoutofitorno · 30/12/2025 23:24

Our DD is 19, she’s an adult and decided she didn’t want to call the police.

Show quote history

The posts telling you to call the police are ridiculous. Especially if it isn’t what your dd wants.

But I’d tell the parents, yes.

Eggybreadwithnuts · 31/12/2025 00:25

Absolutely I would be informing them. Shocking girl

ItsChristmasEve · 31/12/2025 00:27

As you know the parents, yes, you should tell them. It would be weird to not mention it. I’d be very concerned for my son and would want to know if his gf was violent.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 31/12/2025 00:28

She'd have felt the back of my hand and my foot on her arse as she was booted out the door. I've never hit anyone in my life but I can't imagine it would go well for someone who hit my daughter in front of me in my house, and in those circumstances.

Garroty · 31/12/2025 00:28

Thelondonone · 30/12/2025 23:00

They will find out anyway. It’s not your news to share. They will ask you about it. Let them bring it up.

What do you mean it's not OP'a news to share? It was her daughter who was slapped?

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