To not like Grandad tickling grandkids??

[CrandyCrush]

Okay… I’m fully expecting to get flamed here. I’ve always got weird vibes about DH’s dad. Due to proximity, we don’t see much of him, and he has always made quite minimal effort with DC. However, DC are now 12 and 9 and he has started doing this thing where he comes over and tickles their legs (knee area). I don’t know why, but it’s making me uncomfortable, although the kids seem okay. I just find it weird for some reason. I obviously haven’t said anything to anyone irl because I have nothing other than a weird feeling.

Is it me? AIBU?

Talk to your husband who grew up with him.

Trust your gut and Tell him to stop. It does sound weird tbh.

I would pipe up loudly we don't play those games. They're your children, you say what goes and like fuck would I let a man start up tickle games when my DDs are hitting puberty.

I have spoken with DH previously about the weird vibes I get. DH had no sisters and so doesn’t have any prior experience of him around girls. I will speak to DH about the tickling, but wanted to sound it out on here first.

I'd ask the children how it makes them feel but yes, it would make me feel uncomfortable and I would be asking him to stop.

Trust your gut!
He should know it’s inappropriate. He might be testing for reaction. Next time it’ll be tickling a thigh.

If it was me, I’d be saying “don't do that FIL please.”
Just that.

If he did it again, I’d use a stronger tone of voice “I’ve told you before FIL. DON’T do that.”

The kids were laughing at it. What do I say the reason is that he’s to stop?

I'd go with a 'Stop that. They don't like it' if this happens again. Don't get into long explanations. You're the parent, you get to say that.

He’s a stubborn, fairly easily offended type of guy. This will not go down well, but my responsibility is to my girls.

My aunt's bf used to tickle me. I hated it and used to lock myself in the downstairs loo.
Can't use a loo now without checking the door is locked. Even home alone!
Once got locked in at a customer's home and needed ds and a ladder + tools to get me out. Tell dd's they can speak up and say no. A good skill to know anyway..

Unless you can point to something a bit more substantive that he does that creeps you out, I really can't see the problem here.

I know we like to lean on our intuition and instincts, but these are flawed and fallible.

Without your framing I would just see it as a grandad playing with his grandchildren.

You are already worried about his reaction. Forget about how he feels, if it creeps you out, you need to step in. Also speak to your girls about it and avoid leaving them alone together. IME we are usually right when someone creeps us out. I was always creeped out by a distant relative and later found out he indeed was a paedophile and abused his daughters.

How convenient it is he gets offended so easily! Well tough shit, let him know you consider it inappropriate ( because it is ) and you've been teaching them about their bodily autonomy and the acceptable and unacceptable ways touch each other.
There is absolutely no need for him to touch their bare legs. None unless he's a filthy pervert.

Always trust your gut

I came ready to see you get flamed

Yanbu at all! Protect those kids x

He made minimal effort before but now he is suddenly interested? Tickling a 12 year old is not age appropriate playing.

Laughter when being tickled can be an involuntary response, it is not a sign that they are enjoying it.

https://thesafetychic.com/2023/07/04/is-tickling-harmful-to-children/#:~:text=Tickling%2C%20despite%20good%20intentions%2C%20can,your%20child%20is%20enjoying%20it.

I think I would talk to my husband first rather than MN, and then my kids.

Women can orgasm whilst being raped, laughing whilst being tickled doesn't mean they like it at all op.

Talk to your daughters about how they feel and if they are uncomfortable then ensure they know you’ll support them and be fully behind better they say ‘stop it grandad’ helps them develop a really important skill about boundaries xx

You don't need your husbands permission to tell his father to stop this op, talk to him but you have agency here also.

I read the OP before I posted so highlighting those parts doesn't really negate my view.

I accept people will feel differently to me.

Honestly... having seen paedophiles operate in family units. (I was an unaffected child) my dh knows my views on this.

person being (highlyyyyy!) offended < my child's well being

This just something id seek permission for and isn't a job i'd delegate and hope my DH was able to pull on his big boy knickers for. I'd be tackling it directly myself.
Paedophiles and perverts rely on politeness and social niceties.
I'd be direct and say it's not approporiate and it needs to stop. The end of the conversation would be "so are we clear?" He'll say something like "oh but blah blah" And i would keep asking that same question until I got a yes.
I'd also make it clear you are watching him.

I often say that most people are poor at evaluating risk... they often think in terms of probability only.
This is low probability but ultra high impact which makes it high risk.

I have never in my life heard this before...