To not like Grandad tickling grandkids??

[CrandyCrush]

Okay… I’m fully expecting to get flamed here. I’ve always got weird vibes about DH’s dad. Due to proximity, we don’t see much of him, and he has always made quite minimal effort with DC. However, DC are now 12 and 9 and he has started doing this thing where he comes over and tickles their legs (knee area). I don’t know why, but it’s making me uncomfortable, although the kids seem okay. I just find it weird for some reason. I obviously haven’t said anything to anyone irl because I have nothing other than a weird feeling.

Is it me? AIBU?

This in spades.

My mother actually sat her brother and sil down in private and expressed concerns about SILs uncle (who was a walking safe guarding red flag) she was told her mind was in the gutter... what was wrong with her....etc etc

15 years later it transpired he'd been systematically raping and abusing 4 children in SIL wider family including one of their children.

I hate hate hate adults tickling children. Abuse of power even if it appears fun.

My brother touched a girls arm who was serving In lush to get her attention , she jumped back in shock. He was just as shocked. My niece explained you just can’t do that these days. He meant no harm but now understands you just don’t do this these days. I would still stop this it’s not acceptable.

Good for you for acting on your gut instinct and looking to protect your girls!

Agree

men can be spoken to directly by women about their behaviour - we don’t have to hide away

desperately sorry for what you went through - highlights how we all need to be vigilant

This!

I would not put the onus on the children.

I’d be telling him to stop it with immediate effect. If he continued, it would be a sharp reprimand. I wouldn’t give a shit if he was offended. If he the continued, he would not be seeing the children.

I’d say something like “we teach the girls that you need to ask permission before touching someone else’s body, including tickling”. He’ll think you’re OTT but who cares!

I’d definitely say that in front of your girls and talk to them about consent and also how to find their voices to tell adults to stop if they don’t like something.

Thank you x
I have managed to have a lovely life, and raised a beautiful dd, but posts like this make me so uneasy.
The majority of childhood sexual abuse is carried out by family members, not strangers.

My uncle used to tickle me until I literally cried. There was nothing sexual, but I felt so vulnerable. It's a power thing, a type of bullying.
I hated it.

That sound tough. My ex Fil and mil and sil when babysitting DD3 would blow raspberry's on her tummy and then expect her to do it to them, esp my xFIL on his hairy belly button. When I found out I absolutely shut it down told the in-laws I dont want her to do that it's weird and equally told my DD separately if she gets asked not to do it and say no. It stopped after a few weeks of me expressing my disgust. My ex in-laws hate me for putting boundaries in

People are winding you up here with comments like "maybe he likes it"! Tell him not to do it any more. It will be awkward, but do it anyway. If he's offended, he's offended, it won't kill him - if it's super important to him, that's all the more reason to stop it! I think tickling is horrible- it's a way of forcing a panic reaction out of people whatever the age, and it's particularly dodgy with pubescent kids. "I don't like tickling, so it's a house rule that no-one does it."

That doesn't mean they were happy with it. People laugh for all kinds of reasons. Talk to them about it and make sure they understand they don't have to accept it.

You need to discuss a way forward on the situation with your DH, not ask a bunch of strangers on the internet who don’t know your FIL, so can’t really make a judgement. My late DF used to tickle my DCs and it honestly didn’t freak me out at all, but I obviously knew my DF and that he would never hurt my DCs.

It may be innocent, grandfather with old fashioned ideas about but boundaries. But I would trust your instincts regardless of how offended he may get. My abuser, a family member, used tickling as one of the ways he groomed me to be compliant.

Tickling children by an adult is vile. Tell him not to.

It's very strange he's only just started this game now. Surely this would be OK if he used to tickle them when tiny and he still just did. But why start now? Very odd.

Wtf. What is wrong with people?! What grown man wants a child to do that?!

Course they were laughing! It’s a reflex because they are being tickled! If a rapist tickled you your laugh!

I dnt know. They have weird boundaries, the ex sil 43 would smack Fils butt just odd

Definitely relevant here

Tell him loudly and clearly to stop and don’t stop telling him until he does. Make sure he knows you see him. I had a grandad with hands.

The laughter with tickles isn't voluntary. They can't help it, so it doesn't mean they enjoy it iyswim. I'm not saying he's a groomer buuut tickling is often a first step in abuse, so best to shut it down. I didn't allow it for my kids from anyone, ever. Tickling also goes against how we teach consensual touching and affection these days too, as it's difficult to set boundaries for the children.

Put like this, he may then simply ask permission - and the girls will feel under pressure to give it.

It needs to be a blanket rule: no tickling.

Oh my god, how awful 😖. What an absolute psycho to do that to a young girl (or anyone.)