To not like Grandad tickling grandkids??

[CrandyCrush]

Okay… I’m fully expecting to get flamed here. I’ve always got weird vibes about DH’s dad. Due to proximity, we don’t see much of him, and he has always made quite minimal effort with DC. However, DC are now 12 and 9 and he has started doing this thing where he comes over and tickles their legs (knee area). I don’t know why, but it’s making me uncomfortable, although the kids seem okay. I just find it weird for some reason. I obviously haven’t said anything to anyone irl because I have nothing other than a weird feeling.

Is it me? AIBU?

Your dh needs to step up and say ' hey, stop the tickling' and mean it. He might not like confronting an older male relative if he has been raised to respect and do as his elders dictate. And believes no one would do anything untoward within the family. For example, showing sudden interest in little girls hitting puberty and wanting to tickle them.

Absolutely is essential to know, not enough people know quite obviously.
You don't get to censor me, report it if you like but otherwise scroll past uncomfortable information.

I really really hated being tickled. Various older male relatives / friends did it. Yes I laughed while feeling inwardly sickened. If anyone asked if I minded I would have said no, because I was conditioned that way.

If it feels off it usually is

your gut is your intuition brain

nearly always right

This was my thought when I saw the title but the fact it's a new thing and not just how they've played since the girls were little, doesn't sit quite right.

As a previous poster said, just because they are seemingly laughing, that doesn't mean they're enjoying it. Being tickled is annoying, and is NOT enjoyable for most people. It can be borderline bullying. It's horrible. I fucking hate it. On the rare occasion DH did it to me in the past, he got my elbow in his ribs, and my knee in his groin!

What the grandfather is doing needs to stop. And the OP's husband needs to tell him (as it's his dad!)

.

No don’t ask your daughters trust your gut. This is how my friends abusive step father started when she was 9. The tickling turned into tickling so hard she’d cry then tying up escapologist games then guess what next

It would be different if he'd been prone to tickling them since they were toddlers. Puberty is when you STOP tickling young girls, not start. Its a shame if he gets offended, but you need to trust your gut on this one, and tell him to stop. Do NOT put the responsibility for stopping him onto your girls, they're not old enough or mature enough to understand what's potentially going on.

Please stop him! Don't let him do this to your girls. My grandad used to do this, which then progressed to feeling for our bra straps under our clothes. It never went any further but it was horrid nonetheless.

It may make you uncomfortable, but it is true.
And please don’t try to censor someone from saying it.

Follow your gut.

Absolutely with you on this .

Oh Hell no. I had an older relative I always felt weird around. I would not let him be alone with my kids (and he tried). He KNEW I didn’t want him to and he still tried.
Think about it. Would you start tickling a 12 year old you didn’t have much contact with? Yeah, me neither.
Tell him clearly, and not in front of them. Make sure he knows that you are onto him.

Your daughters may not even know this makes them uncomfortable. It can sometimes be that we don’t realise until we’re older and looking back that we realise we didn’t like a situation or that it felt wrong at the time because we just didn’t know how to express it or digest it at the time.

You’re right! I don’t get to censor you.

But my point still stands.

"Don't tickle the girls! It's often no fun for them, I remember it myself."

(Then glare at grandad).

Also kids can laugh when they don’t know what to do

WTF have I just read! I really hope you're joking/being ironic?!

This. ^ It is an uncomfortable thing to read, and think about, but it is true.

Your comment is fine, and it doesn't need reporting, or deleting.

This is naive at best. It’s generally not easy for children to confront adults who are not their close and safe people, and even that can be hard for them. We forget that the power differential is huge, and that girls of those ages probably already have developed tendencies towards being nice and polite, not upsetting people, through how girls are socialised.

Op you sound aware of this and ready to protect them. This is a hard one because it may be nothing, but I think instincts are there to be trusted. I’d rather err on offending him just going along with a scenario that I and possibly my kids feel uncomfortable with.

He's allowed to give them a hug and a kiss on the cheek if they want it. To sit next to them on the sofa and put an arm round them. They are a bit old for lap sitting but if he has suddenly started tickling them this is just weird.

if you are uncomfortable you have to go with your gut, but it is highly likely this is just him trying to engage with the kids and if they laughed once he will do it again.

Do get your DH to talk to his dad and ask him to stop, but unless he refuses I wouldn’t make a scene by announcing that he must stop in front of everyone. If it is innocent and he thought you were suggesting otherwise that would be mortifying.

Nope this sounds a bit noncey. You don't START tickling girls on their bare legs when they enter puberty that is when you're supposed to stop doing things like that. Grandad sounds like a noncey perv.

And for people who seem to think he's not likely to have pervy intentions because he is their blood relative well I have some news for you. It is so unbelievably common. I used to work on a CAMHS ward and the amount of young girls there who had severe mental health issues that stemmed from them being sexually abused by their own fathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers etc was shocking. It shouldn't be common at all but unfortunately it is. So the OP should err on the side of caution and shut this down now rather than give him the benefit of the doubt because he is their grandad.

Please tell Grandad to stop. This is completely inappropriate. Paedophiles often use tickling as a way of grooming and/or abusing kids. Tickling girls who are approaching puberty on their legs makes me want to vomit. It's unbelievably creepy and inappropriate. Ideally your husband will talk to his dad and you can present a united front. If Grandad is upset about this boundary then that is yet another red flag. Never leave your kids alone with him, even in another room when you are in the same house. Protect your kids, regardless of how they feel about the tickling it is wrong and has to stop.
I would also, as other posters have suggested, have conversations with your kids about boundaries, consent etc. However, kids can't protect themselves we have to protect them.

You really think it’s normal for a man they barely know to start tickling them? At 12?!