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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 27/12/2025 21:35

I also don’t drive after even one drink. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I had an accident while impaired, even by a small amount. I’d think less of a partner who tried to repeatedly coerce me into doing so.

AnnieLummox · 27/12/2025 21:36

You’re the one who’d be driving, so you’re the one who gets to make the call.

Zov · 27/12/2025 21:36

NO. Do not risk it!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 27/12/2025 21:36

Absolutely not unreasonable. The limit is there for a reason and it’s not worth the risk. Even if you did feel okay to drive it’s not worth risking an accident from a lapsed judgement or delayed reaction and not worth the risk of being pulled over and losing your license. The police know people will be drink driving more over the Christmas period and so will be doing extra spot checks.

mindutopia · 27/12/2025 21:36

No, of course, you don’t drive after drinking!

You are medically not fit to drive. Why doesn’t he go collect him? Oh right, because medically he is not fit to drive, so this shouldn’t be hard for him to grasp.

Iloveacurry · 27/12/2025 21:38

Just say no. You would be the one taking the risk not him. His son can get a taxi.

FluffyAsEver · 27/12/2025 21:38

Good for you, this should non debateable.

Buscobel · 27/12/2025 21:38

If you’re driving, no alcohol. If you have alcohol because you aren’t expecting to drive, it’s unfair of anyone to expect that you will do something that may endanger others and, at the very least, impact your livelihood.

You’re right. There is no safe limit.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 27/12/2025 21:39

Well...yanbu

Not sure what the bigger answer is but I would HATE him doing this with the drink driving and the not taking no for an answer

PersephoneParlormaid · 27/12/2025 21:39

Absolutely not, and he’s an arse for pushing it. He can pay for a taxi.

outerspacepotato · 27/12/2025 21:39

Call someone to pick you up and get out of there or call the police if you've had to lock yourself in the bathroom to get away from him.

Your BF sounds abusive. LTB.

HippopotamusForChristmas · 27/12/2025 21:39

If he's that bothered he can pay for a taxi, don't give in - and drive home tomorrow after telling him to get fucked.

MogsChristmasBoiledEgg · 27/12/2025 21:40

You’ve had to shut yourself in the bathroom? Tell him to piss off home and tell his son to get a taxi like every other adult.

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 27/12/2025 21:41

What a knob.

Mylovelygreendress · 27/12/2025 21:41

If you are in Scotland even 1 small glass of wine could tip you over the limit .
Don’t risk it .

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:42

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 27/12/2025 21:39

Well...yanbu

Not sure what the bigger answer is but I would HATE him doing this with the drink driving and the not taking no for an answer

Edited

Yes, he’s gone down in my estimation tonight.
I’ve put up with some tension as clearly he is worried about his health issue, and have been driving him lots of places as he lives rurally.
I won’t drive this evening, but he’s being so short sighted. It would be dire for him if I lost my licence.

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 27/12/2025 21:44

You don’t have to pick up his adult son, even if you’ve had no drinks at all.

Konstantine8364 · 27/12/2025 21:44

I happily drive after 1 drink, however if someone didn't feel comfortable doing that there's no way I would pressure or even try and convince them. He's a dick!

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:45

MogsChristmasBoiledEgg · 27/12/2025 21:40

You’ve had to shut yourself in the bathroom? Tell him to piss off home and tell his son to get a taxi like every other adult.

I would happily tell him to go home, but unfortunately I’m at his house and I live miles away.

OP posts:
TheNextStationIs · 27/12/2025 21:45

Ugh. Even without the drinking, the expectation that you would go out and do errands for him is unattractive. With it, it's dangerous. And not accepting that you have said no is vagina-clamping-shut awful.

Horrorscope · 27/12/2025 21:46

The fact he’s getting ‘more insistent’ and you’ve locked yourself in the bathroom is a very bad sign (the driving issue aside - and you’re right not to do it).

I think you’re maybe seeing another side to this guy now. He sounds entitled and disrespectful.

nocoolnamesleft · 27/12/2025 21:46

Trying to coerce you into drink driving is grim.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/12/2025 21:47

"He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc."
That tells me two things.

  1. 'Probably'? He's happy to risk YOUR licence.
  2. He wouldn't think twice about drink-driving himself.

He's a total wanker. I'd be seeing him in a whole new light, and I wouldn't be liking what I see.

Shade17 · 27/12/2025 21:47

It very much depends what you’ve drunk and when. A couple of small glasses with lunch 7/8 hours ago then YABU, a couple of large ones in the past 2 hours then not so much.

Shutuptrevor · 27/12/2025 21:48

He sounds awful. And it sounds like he’d have no problem drink driving himself under normal circumstances.

Cut and run.