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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
Howmanycatsistoomany · 27/12/2025 22:36

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:30

There are genuinely no Ubers in this area. His son must know that, so I don’t know why he got himself stranded.

Show quote history

He always intended for you to be his taxi, like you are for this father. This was planned OP, you're being used.
Do not do what a PP suggested and have another drink - you need to get out of there asap!

notacooldad · 27/12/2025 22:37

Long before now I would have said ' tell him to get a fucking uber like every one else does!'

echt · 27/12/2025 22:37

notacooldad · 27/12/2025 22:37

Long before now I would have said ' tell him to get a fucking uber like every one else does!'

The OP has made it clear a few times about Ubers where she is.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:38

notacooldad · 27/12/2025 22:37

Long before now I would have said ' tell him to get a fucking uber like every one else does!'

There are no Ubers here. I don’t want to wind him up when I can’t currently leave.

OP posts:
ThatLemonBear · 27/12/2025 22:39

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Since I first passed my test in the late 80s, my personal rule has been to never take a single drink and drive

Tetchypants · 27/12/2025 22:39

He wanted you to do a 2 hour round trip? If he could’ve driven, would he have left you for 2 hours to ferry his son about?!

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:40

He’s just come back and started shouting at me that his son is stuck and said I would drive if it was one of my kids.

OP posts:
chargarl · 27/12/2025 22:41

You are right not to drive. The consequences of drink driving are very serious.
Your DP obviously doesn't think this matters. All that matters is you picking his son up and taking him to his mother's. The way DP has behaved should make you reconsider the entire relationship.
Don't drink any more tonight. Stay there tonight if you think it's safe to do so (otherwise try to get someone to pick you up and return for your car in the morning). Then get the hell out of there in the morning and don't go back.

His son getting stranded is not your problem to solve. He's 25 and should be able to make arrangements to get home from town. If you stay with DP this will be a constant issue.

TheDenimPoet · 27/12/2025 22:42

I'd probably risk it and drive if I'd only had a little bit - but I'd be driving home away from this CF, not going to pick up his adult son who should be getting a taxi, or curbing his own alcohol intake so he can provide his own transportation.

Pisses me off when I have to sit in and not have a drink to allow our 22yo to drink and get a lift (but I do it as I'd rather he was safe - DP would never ever put the pressure on though, my choice).

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:42

Tetchypants · 27/12/2025 22:39

He wanted you to do a 2 hour round trip? If he could’ve driven, would he have left you for 2 hours to ferry his son about?!

I hadn’t thought of that. I suppose he would have done. I have a feeling this won’t be an issue which concerns me in future.

OP posts:
andanotherproblem · 27/12/2025 22:42

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:40

He’s just come back and started shouting at me that his son is stuck and said I would drive if it was one of my kids.

He is so rude, I don’t like how he is pushing you to do something that could end up with you loosing your license or getting hurt, he doesn’t care

Iloveacurry · 27/12/2025 22:43

Please say you’re going to end this relationship. He’s being very unreasonable!

Amonthinthecountry · 27/12/2025 22:44

I’m so sorry you’re stranded there. I hope your son can come and get you. Your partner is being completely unreasonable. X

McGregor33 · 27/12/2025 22:44

I hope you’re able to get home and away from him asap. What a horror of a man.

francii · 27/12/2025 22:45

OP if he is becoming verbally aggressive with you I honestly would consider whether to involve the police. You are stuck at a house with a man who is refusing to take no for an answer. This is domestic abuse territory.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:45

My son is on his way to collect me. I haven’t told DP yet. He would probably try to get him to collect his son en route - even though it’s the opposite direction.

OP posts:
GAJLY · 27/12/2025 22:45

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:40

He’s just come back and started shouting at me that his son is stuck and said I would drive if it was one of my kids.

That’s actually horrible. He is trying to bully you into driving his son a round 2 hour trip when you’ve been drinking alcohol?! I’d be considering breaking up with him at this point.

Driftingawaynow · 27/12/2025 22:45

Wel done op

chargarl · 27/12/2025 22:46

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:40

He’s just come back and started shouting at me that his son is stuck and said I would drive if it was one of my kids.

I x-posted with you.
I think you need to get out of there.
What's the temperature like where you are?
Can you go and lock yourself in the car and stay there for a couple of hours until you are fit to drive? Sit in the back seat. (Do not put the key in the ignition because you can be charged with drink driving if you do that).

GAJLY · 27/12/2025 22:46

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:45

My son is on his way to collect me. I haven’t told DP yet. He would probably try to get him to collect his son en route - even though it’s the opposite direction.

Glad your son is collecting you. Make sure you have everything.

francii · 27/12/2025 22:46

Ah glad to hear it OP. I’d go and get in your car and lock the doors until your son arrives. Please let us know when you’re safe.

Metalplate · 27/12/2025 22:47

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:42

I hadn’t thought of that. I suppose he would have done. I have a feeling this won’t be an issue which concerns me in future.

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I hope you have got your son to pick you up and take your stuff with you - what an arsehole. The mask slips…. For him and you see how he is and will be. New year and new boyfriend for you I think ….. I wish you a much better catch in 2026

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 22:47

I am not one to badger for updates but I think I speak for a lot of us when I say that we would like to know that you are home safe.

And maybe have your son take a few photos of your car before you officially leave, just in case there is an "accident".

COUNCAT14 · 27/12/2025 22:47

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:34

I have only had 2 drinks, however they were quite large glasses with spirit and mixer. The one I made contained maybe a double measure and I finished that a couple of hours ago, but he made the second, which I finished maybe 40 minutes ago.
I have just messaged my son to see if there is any chance he will collect me. He is pretty much tee total.

Show quote history

I understand that. Home measures aren’t worth the risk of guessing in hindsight. I was hopeful you’d say 2 small glasses of rose 😂 EDITED- so happy to see your son is getting you!

chargarl · 27/12/2025 22:47

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:45

My son is on his way to collect me. I haven’t told DP yet. He would probably try to get him to collect his son en route - even though it’s the opposite direction.

X-posted again! Good. That is an excellent solution.