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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
TheNextStationIs · 27/12/2025 21:59

And a "couple" of drinks, especially home-poured, are likely to be well in excess of two units anyway... and most importantly, she's said no.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:59

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 21:54

If you’ve had two drinks then yes you’re very likely to be fine, especially if you’ve also eaten and/or the drinks have been drunk over a period of an hour plus. Generally you’ll process a unit per hour from your system.

But it’s still your call, drink or no drink, whether you want to run errands for his son. Do you know his son much?

I’ve met his son once before. I don’t really know him. I am surprised he thought I would give him a lift, unless DO gave him the idea.

OP posts:
ClaredeBear · 27/12/2025 21:59

I would not be in a relationship with someone who thought it was a good idea to have someone who had been drinking to collect his children. I don’t think he’s a great person. Well done for standing your ground, it’s not worth it.

gogomomo2 · 27/12/2025 21:59

Not being able to get a taxi is very likely if it’s like where we live, near impossible unless prebooked a week ahead

HippopotamusForChristmas · 27/12/2025 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You're a fucking idiot for not reading the thread properly.

She isn't considering shit!!

Toothfairy89 · 27/12/2025 22:00

Why is the son ringing his dad for a lift if he knows he can't drive?

It's not drive if you maybe under the limit, its don't drive if you maybe over the limit

It's not worth the risk. It's your call and you are saying no. The son will have to sort himself out

Papersnowflakes · 27/12/2025 22:00

Yanbu. I won't drive if I have even had a sip of an alcoholic drink.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I’m not considering it.

OP posts:
WeWillWeWillRockYou · 27/12/2025 22:01

Sorry OP. You have to leave this guy and his deadbeat son.

Clearly the son's mother has the measure of him.

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 22:01

WeWillWeWillRockYou · 27/12/2025 21:55

Don't be ridiculous. You have no idea what OP has drunk. Or eaten.

The point is that two men are trying to take advantage of her, and her good will.

Show quote history

Please point out where in my post I said I knew what she’d drank or eaten? Perhaps try actually reading things before making stupid comments.

morbidcuriosity · 27/12/2025 22:01

I dont drive after alcohol .
some other idiot smashes into you and your both breathalysed as its an accident, and you may come across as the drink driver even if it wasnt your fault!! not worth it.

Amba1998 · 27/12/2025 22:02

I wouldn’t dream of driving after 2 drinks

The hiding in the bathroom screams a lot about this relationship. Once you are safe to do so I suggest you drive home and don’t come back

Momentarylapseofsanity · 27/12/2025 22:02

Is Uber a thing by you OP? I know it isn’t available by me but worth considering ( by them, not by you!).

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 22:02

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:59

I’ve met his son once before. I don’t really know him. I am surprised he thought I would give him a lift, unless DO gave him the idea.

Show quote history

Does sound a bit like perhaps he asked his dad with the thought dad would just ask you given he knows dad is not able to drive……

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:04

Timetochillnow · 27/12/2025 21:49

Do you have means to get yourself a taxi home if needed?
make sure you have your keys safely on you and firmly tell him
that you are not prepared to drive (it would risk an accident or risk your license - as it would impact you both hugely if either happened ) and say that that’s the end of the discussion.
If he continues to try to persuade you, call a taxi and get yourself home, and collect the car tomorrow with a friend or relative.

I am thinking how I can get home.
The short answer is that I currently do not have any means of getting home tonight.
I believe that his son can’t get a taxi to bring him out here. It follows that I stand even less chance of getting one to come here to collect me.

OP posts:
Jc2001 · 27/12/2025 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Moron

francii · 27/12/2025 22:04

So the one chance you get to have a wee drink at Christmas your DP has turned into a nightmare? Tell him if he’s so unconcerned about licences he can go and get his son himself. I suspect that’s what he’ll end up doing.
Are you safe OP? locking yourself in the bathroom to get away from him berating you is surely a massive red flag for you. If you think you will be ok tonight, I do hope you get in your car and leave in the morning and dump him as soon as you’re home! If you’re really worried he will escalate then I’d be trying to find someone to pick you up tonight. This is a man who does not understand that no is a full sentence and honestly the way he and his son are carrying on smacks of misogyny. It’s only been 9 months and he expects you to drive him about even when it’s at a detriment to yourself, and now his son too! This will be your life if you continue this relationship.

vanillalattes · 27/12/2025 22:05

Amba1998 · 27/12/2025 22:02

I wouldn’t dream of driving after 2 drinks

The hiding in the bathroom screams a lot about this relationship. Once you are safe to do so I suggest you drive home and don’t come back

Absolutely this. Please get yourself out of there.

francii · 27/12/2025 22:07

Just an extra thought…is there a local mums Facebook group or something? You could post anonymously looking for a lift. I live similarly rural it sounds like and if I saw that someone was stuck like this I’d absolutely go and get them if I could. Hope that doesn’t sound totally daft, just a thought.

Zanatdy · 27/12/2025 22:07

It would be the end of the relationship for me. No way i’d drive after 2 drinks. No-one should feel forced to drive when they’ve had a drink. He is bang out of order.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:07

Momentarylapseofsanity · 27/12/2025 22:02

Is Uber a thing by you OP? I know it isn’t available by me but worth considering ( by them, not by you!).

I’ve got the Uber app as I’ve used it on holidays, but I’ve already checked and nothing is coming up in this area.

OP posts:
AluckyEllie · 27/12/2025 22:07

Ah sorry @Didntwenearlyhaveitall sounds like you are having a shitter of an evening. You aren’t in the wrong, you are 100% right not to drive. Doesn’t make it any easier being stuck in his house with him being an arse. Could you get a taxi home?

TheWheelOfTime · 27/12/2025 22:09

'No' is a complete sentence and the 'D'P is showing his true colours if he's not respecting that. It's not your responsibility to be the son's taxi service. Is the son in town with his mates? How are the others getting themselves home, if so?

TurkeyQueen · 27/12/2025 22:12

TurkeyQueen · 27/12/2025 21:55

You are right.
I don’t drive after drinking either- wouldn’t even drive after a sip of someone’s drink!
I have done similar to you this year and had a drink ONLY twice when I was 100% not driving.

WHY did the son phone your dp though if dp cannot drive?

Also just to add (now I have read more- sorry as I’m now up to date) do you think dp is using you as you sound like you do lots of errands / taxi runs for him?

I think dp has said to the son to call if he’s stuck and you’ll be asked- that’s why dp has been lovely all afternoon (it sounds like today has been good compared to normal?)

I think you need to write a list of + and - for dp/ this relationship as it doesn’t sound healthy for you and you sound like a bit of a dogs body imho.

Ohnobackagain · 27/12/2025 22:12

@Didntwenearlyhaveitall whether to drive or not is entirely your choice. Someone else should not be volunteering you for driving. It is your call whether you set your alcohol limit for driving at the legal limit or zero, not him. If he decides to go get his son and further risk his own licence, don’t be guilted into going. If you’re in the UK could you try Uber to get you home?

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