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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 27/12/2025 22:15

Go and sleep in your car and tell him to fuck off. Why the hell would anyone put their child at risk of a drunk driver?

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:15

I am out of the bathroom. I am very angry with him. I have told him the answer is no and I’m not going to change my mind. He’s still going on.
I’ve hidden his car keys in case he’s stupid enough to try driving his car, although he has a problem with his sight and I don’t think he would try in the dark.
I’ve got my keys in my pocket.
He’s on the phone now trying to get a friend to pick his son up.
The son apparently wants to be taken to his Mother’s house, where he spends most of his time, so 40 minutes to town, at least another 30 minutes to his Mother’s, which is about 45 minutes from here.

OP posts:
Talkingfrog · 27/12/2025 22:16

gogomomo2 · 27/12/2025 21:59

Not being able to get a taxi is very likely if it’s like where we live, near impossible unless prebooked a week ahead

Probably the same for a lot of rural areas this time of year. Unless they have recently moved to the rural area, even more reason for adult son and his Dad to know he would have needed to pre book a taxi.

GAJLY · 27/12/2025 22:16

No don’t do it. Imagine if you get breathalised and you lost your licence. Your partners son wouldn’t care at all. Just keep drinking and say no. If he keeps going on then go to bed.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 22:19

Its trite and somewhat overused these days, but the saying is true...."Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine" which is what the son should be told.

Knowing his dad cant drive and not having made a firm arrangement with his mother, how the hell was he planning on getting home if there really are no taxis?

I cant help wondering if he had rung the "D"P earlier and was reminded that dad cant drive at the moment but then told "its ok @Didntwenearlyhaveitall will pick you up". Not a good sign for a LTR if thats the case.

Ohnobackagain · 27/12/2025 22:20

And why is Daddy still running around after adult son who wants a lift to his Mum’s? If he’s an adult he needs to sort himself out 🤨 @Didntwenearlyhaveitall

Momentarylapseofsanity · 27/12/2025 22:20

I’d be tempted to skull a double of whatever you are drinking right now OP to ensure no driving this evening. Then leave as soon as you can in the morning.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:22

Momentarylapseofsanity · 27/12/2025 22:20

I’d be tempted to skull a double of whatever you are drinking right now OP to ensure no driving this evening. Then leave as soon as you can in the morning.

I am planning on getting out of here as soon as I can. He’s ignoring me now while he phones around trying to persuade someone to go and get his son.

OP posts:
Skeletor1980 · 27/12/2025 22:23

Never drink and drive. I have a breathalyser for the morning after too in order to be sure the alcohol has left my body.

Taxi. Uber. My DC got himself home from 15 years old. We paid.

tigger1001 · 27/12/2025 22:24

Shade17 · 27/12/2025 21:47

It very much depends what you’ve drunk and when. A couple of small glasses with lunch 7/8 hours ago then YABU, a couple of large ones in the past 2 hours then not so much.

No it doesn't. She doesn't feel comfortable to drive. No one should ever be coerced into driving when they feel it is unsafe to do so. it is their decision and theirs alone

Talkingfrog · 27/12/2025 22:24

Momentarylapseofsanity · 27/12/2025 22:20

I’d be tempted to skull a double of whatever you are drinking right now OP to ensure no driving this evening. Then leave as soon as you can in the morning.

That would mean leaving later in the morning.

DelphiniumBlue · 27/12/2025 22:25

One small glass of wine is probably not over the limit for most women. Two small glasses could well take you over the limit. If you had “ a couple “ that is more likely than not over the limit. Obviously you get to make the call, but it’s worrying that you’ve actually had to lock yourself in the bathroom because of this.
Has he got angry when you haven’t gone along with his wishes before?

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:25

Ohnobackagain · 27/12/2025 22:20

And why is Daddy still running around after adult son who wants a lift to his Mum’s? If he’s an adult he needs to sort himself out 🤨 @Didntwenearlyhaveitall

I agree. My DC wouldn’t pull this type of stunt.
I helped them both get their licences at 17 as we also live rurally, and they and their friends always arrange lifts between them.
His son is 25 and doesn’t drive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:28

DelphiniumBlue · 27/12/2025 22:25

One small glass of wine is probably not over the limit for most women. Two small glasses could well take you over the limit. If you had “ a couple “ that is more likely than not over the limit. Obviously you get to make the call, but it’s worrying that you’ve actually had to lock yourself in the bathroom because of this.
Has he got angry when you haven’t gone along with his wishes before?

He has never reacted like this before. He is very frustrated at not being able to drive at present, and I have had to tell him not to take this out on me, but nothing like this.

OP posts:
Blueblell · 27/12/2025 22:28

Remind him that at this time of year it is more likely to be stopped and either way it just isn’t worth the risk.

COUNCAT14 · 27/12/2025 22:29

How many drinks have you had OP? Is there any chance of drinking water for a couple of hours and driving yourself home tonight if you can’t get a taxi/lift? Obviously 2-3 is different to 5-6 in this situation x

21secondstopassthemic · 27/12/2025 22:29

Why is his son incapable of ordering an uber?

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:30

21secondstopassthemic · 27/12/2025 22:29

Why is his son incapable of ordering an uber?

There are genuinely no Ubers in this area. His son must know that, so I don’t know why he got himself stranded.

OP posts:
Misanthropologie · 27/12/2025 22:31

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:53

His son does know. I don’t know why he even asked. Apparently he tried his Mother first and she’s out.

Show quote history

Why can't this adult man sort out his own travel arrangements?

Delatron · 27/12/2025 22:33

He’s an adult - he should have thought about how he was going to get home before he went out. I didn’t behave like this at 16!

The sheer entitlement. Your DP is behaving like an absolute idiot trying to get friends to go and get him.

Of course you shouldn’t go and pick him up. I’d be questioning the whole relationship.

MildlyAnnoyed · 27/12/2025 22:33

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:42

Yes, he’s gone down in my estimation tonight.
I’ve put up with some tension as clearly he is worried about his health issue, and have been driving him lots of places as he lives rurally.
I won’t drive this evening, but he’s being so short sighted. It would be dire for him if I lost my licence.

Edited
Show quote history

It would be dire FOR YOU if you lost your license

Beeloux · 27/12/2025 22:34

I very rarely drink but when I do I don’t drive the day after. Mainly because I’m a lightweight and despite being tall, after one drink I feel pissed.

Recently I was turning off a 70 road and a car came flying towards me on the wrong side of the road and we very closely avoided a head on head collision. If I had been driving at the speed limit or under the influence it would have been catastrophic.

It really isn’t worth the risk.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:34

COUNCAT14 · 27/12/2025 22:29

How many drinks have you had OP? Is there any chance of drinking water for a couple of hours and driving yourself home tonight if you can’t get a taxi/lift? Obviously 2-3 is different to 5-6 in this situation x

I have only had 2 drinks, however they were quite large glasses with spirit and mixer. The one I made contained maybe a double measure and I finished that a couple of hours ago, but he made the second, which I finished maybe 40 minutes ago.
I have just messaged my son to see if there is any chance he will collect me. He is pretty much tee total.

OP posts:
tigger1001 · 27/12/2025 22:35

Op you're absolutely right not to drive. I, like you, don't drink at all if I'm driving.

It's worrying you felt it necessary to lock yourself in the bathroom though. This would very much put the relationship in a new light for me.

to be truthful, I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought they could coerce me to drink drive as if they knew me they would know how much I am against that.

ManyPigeons · 27/12/2025 22:35

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 21:54

If you’ve had two drinks then yes you’re very likely to be fine, especially if you’ve also eaten and/or the drinks have been drunk over a period of an hour plus. Generally you’ll process a unit per hour from your system.

But it’s still your call, drink or no drink, whether you want to run errands for his son. Do you know his son much?

Just FYI having eaten doesnt make you any less drunk. 1 unit is 1 unit - it takes 1 hour to be metabolised. So 10 units takes 10 hours whether you’ve eaten the whole 10 hours or not. Whether you’ve drank water or not.

1 unit is 1 hour. Always.