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Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
DogsandFlowers · 27/12/2025 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

She’s said very clearly she’s not considering it
Read the bloody post before shouting
So aggressive 😩

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 27/12/2025 22:48

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:45

My son is on his way to collect me. I haven’t told DP yet. He would probably try to get him to collect his son en route - even though it’s the opposite direction.

Thank the lord.
Well done your son!!!

This is just a bizarre escalation.

Consider that even if you hadn't had any alcohol.... His sons failure to plan isnt your emergency.

Theres very few people i would do a 2 hr round trip for on a cold winters night.
Night driving is also awful now thanks to those stupid blinding LED lights in modern cars.

Fuckitydoodah · 27/12/2025 22:48

What a selfish arsehole! There's no way I'd risk driving after 2 drinks of spirits, especially home measures.

You are not responsible for the position his 25yr old son finds himself in.

MeltedAlmonds · 27/12/2025 22:49

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:45

My son is on his way to collect me. I haven’t told DP yet. He would probably try to get him to collect his son en route - even though it’s the opposite direction.

Proud of you and your son OP

Seacatt · 27/12/2025 22:50

I am so relieved for you that your son is picking you up.

Your 'P' has shown his true colours tonight, totally unacceptable.

I agree with you, I would never drink and drive.

TurkeyQueen · 27/12/2025 22:51

Good for you op having your ds collect you.

Get out of there and start the new year with your head held high!

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 27/12/2025 22:51

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 21:54

If you’ve had two drinks then yes you’re very likely to be fine, especially if you’ve also eaten and/or the drinks have been drunk over a period of an hour plus. Generally you’ll process a unit per hour from your system.

But it’s still your call, drink or no drink, whether you want to run errands for his son. Do you know his son much?

Irresponsible comment - ANY amount of alcohol is enough to impair judgement, slow reflexes and the old trope about having eaten reducing the effects or the body clearing alcohol at the rate of a unit an hour is bollocks - you would still be potentially 'legal but lethal'.

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 22:52

ManyPigeons · 27/12/2025 22:35

Just FYI having eaten doesnt make you any less drunk. 1 unit is 1 unit - it takes 1 hour to be metabolised. So 10 units takes 10 hours whether you’ve eaten the whole 10 hours or not. Whether you’ve drank water or not.

1 unit is 1 hour. Always.

Show quote history

When you have eaten it doesn’t get absorbed into your blood as quick, when you’re empty it flows straight into your intestines and is absorbed into blood faster, bringing up your blood alcohol level more quickly and to a higher single point. But yes I did quote the one hour per unit (general) rule and didn’t suggest that differed.

I absolutely feel a glass of wine way more if I’ve an empty stomach than if I’ve just eaten. Even though either way I wouldn’t be “over the limit” from one glass, I tend to also judge how I feel in myself, and knowing that the blood alcohol content would likely spike much quicker.

Poundoffhoney · 27/12/2025 22:53

A few years ago a friend nearly had one drink at a work do before driving home but decided not to. That day as she drove home a man stepped straight out in front of her and she couldn’t avoid him. He later died. Witnesses and police said there was nothing she could have done but she still felt dreadful. She later said if she had even one drink before driving that day she would have always questioned if she would have reacted differently and maybe avoided him. One reason why I never drink any alcohol if I’m driving - and think you are 100% right not to x

whynotwhatknot · 27/12/2025 22:53

what an arsehole and his son doesnt sound any better

2 hours trip for someone who couldnt be bothered to origanise anything

and all this if youve eaten your ok its absolute bollocks

ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/12/2025 22:53

Well done, OP. Your ex's son should have sorted this out for himself before setting out. Absolutely not your problem - and I think you've dodged a bullet.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/12/2025 22:54

I'm 14 stone in weight and I feel impaired after two drinks. I would definitely not risk it.

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:54

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2025 22:47

I am not one to badger for updates but I think I speak for a lot of us when I say that we would like to know that you are home safe.

And maybe have your son take a few photos of your car before you officially leave, just in case there is an "accident".

I am a bit worried about my car too. There is a farm parking area down the road, which is only used occasionally. I might ask my son to move my car there.

OP posts:
FloofyKat · 27/12/2025 22:55

I’m so glad your son is collecting you!

it’s utterly irrelevant whether you have drunk any alcohol or not. Your ‘no’ should be enough for your soon-to-be ex to understand you’re not providing chauffeur services. The fact he is continuing to berate you demonstrates he doesn’t respect your boundaries … or you!

NotTerfNorCis · 27/12/2025 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Uncalled for.

bittertwisted · 27/12/2025 22:56

I initially thought you meant driving the day after, that is of course still your choice
but the actual night you’ve had a couple!!! What a selfish knob
well done you, this man could not give a shit about you
it’s not just the implications for you, my niece was killed at 21 by a drunk driver
you have decency and boundaries, he doesn’t even care about his DS being driven by someone potentially over the limit

Seacatt · 27/12/2025 22:56

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 22:54

I am a bit worried about my car too. There is a farm parking area down the road, which is only used occasionally. I might ask my son to move my car there.

Show quote history

I think this is a very good idea, you'll be less likely to bump into 'P' when you pick up your car.

JWhipple · 27/12/2025 22:57

gogomomo2 · 27/12/2025 21:59

Not being able to get a taxi is very likely if it’s like where we live, near impossible unless prebooked a week ahead

And yet somehow the adult son hadn't factored this into his plans.

Lollipopsicle · 27/12/2025 22:58

Well done OP! I'm so glad your son is coming to pick you up.

youalright · 27/12/2025 22:59

I will drive after 1 drink but everyone has different rules for themselves on this and that should be respected. What's concerning is his inability to understand the word no and the guilt tripping.

WearyAuldWumman · 27/12/2025 23:00

Blueblell · 27/12/2025 22:28

Remind him that at this time of year it is more likely to be stopped and either way it just isn’t worth the risk.

Yes. I was stopped on my way to work one December morning for "winter checks". I was also breathalysed, though my driving had been fine. (So far as i can tell, the police were only stopping Seats.)

I'd had zero alcohol that morning or the night before

Original poster
Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 23:00

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 27/12/2025 22:48

Thank the lord.
Well done your son!!!

This is just a bizarre escalation.

Consider that even if you hadn't had any alcohol.... His sons failure to plan isnt your emergency.

Theres very few people i would do a 2 hr round trip for on a cold winters night.
Night driving is also awful now thanks to those stupid blinding LED lights in modern cars.

Show quote history

Yes I know what you mean about headlights. I dislike driving at night.
The worst thing in this area is that it’s winding rural roads which are narrow, and I think it’s cold enough to have icy patches.

OP posts:
JWhipple · 27/12/2025 23:01

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 22:52

When you have eaten it doesn’t get absorbed into your blood as quick, when you’re empty it flows straight into your intestines and is absorbed into blood faster, bringing up your blood alcohol level more quickly and to a higher single point. But yes I did quote the one hour per unit (general) rule and didn’t suggest that differed.

I absolutely feel a glass of wine way more if I’ve an empty stomach than if I’ve just eaten. Even though either way I wouldn’t be “over the limit” from one glass, I tend to also judge how I feel in myself, and knowing that the blood alcohol content would likely spike much quicker.

Show quote history

Oh well that sounds absolutely fine. I'm sure the many people driving after a couple of drinks have been able to do the same vague maths and they've not all killed somebody. And the ones that have were just unlucky rather than their reflexes and judgement influenced by alcohol. And am sure that's a massive comfort to everyone affected

Winterburn · 27/12/2025 23:01

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 27/12/2025 22:51

Irresponsible comment - ANY amount of alcohol is enough to impair judgement, slow reflexes and the old trope about having eaten reducing the effects or the body clearing alcohol at the rate of a unit an hour is bollocks - you would still be potentially 'legal but lethal'.

Show quote history

It isn’t at all. It’s down to the person to make this decision, if they know they’re adversely affected by one drink they should base their judgement on that. Most normal folk wouldn’t be affected by, for example, two drinks with a meal over the course of 2 to 2.5 hours.

Pointing out actual facts is not “irresponsible”. It’s just facts. There’s some frankly ridiculous posts on this thread, like not driving after sip of someone else’s drink, or suggesting that OP having a double now would mean she couldn’t drive home in the morning 🤣

There’s quite a strong lack of understanding in this thread.

AGlessandahalf · 27/12/2025 23:03

ManyPigeons · 27/12/2025 22:35

Just FYI having eaten doesnt make you any less drunk. 1 unit is 1 unit - it takes 1 hour to be metabolised. So 10 units takes 10 hours whether you’ve eaten the whole 10 hours or not. Whether you’ve drank water or not.

1 unit is 1 hour. Always.

Show quote history

Sorry but this just isn’t true. Each person metabolism works differently - the general rule is 1 unit per hour.
Weight, gender, food and tiredness all need to be taken into consideration as well.

OP sorry you are going through this. Hoping you can get home tonight