Talk me down, please. I'm mighty p'd off.

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

It was agreed with DH that we would only stay at his parents for one night, Christmas day. His parents are frail, FIL has diverticulitis so needs regular access to the bathroom, particularly in the morning. I love them, but they also drive me insane as they chat about all their symptoms while doing nothing to help themselves.

MIL has just offered us to stay another night and DH turned to me to ask me what I thought! He knows what I think but, holding in my fury, I passed it back to him. Mistake! We are now staying another night.

For context, we live 30 mins away and see them regularly.

To top it off, I don't have a change of underwear.

My AIBU is, whether I have a right to feel so annoyed?

RTFT/OP'S POSTS YOU LAZY ARSEHOLES.

ExH used to do this. We’d be expected to leave work at 5 and drive 2hrs to his parents to be there for dinner on a Friday with the immediate family, then dinner on Saturday with extended family on his DMs side. Then he’d pop down for his full English on Sunday morning and bring me up a cuppa to cheerfully tell me his mum had suggested we go to visit extended family on his DF’s side and have lunch in a pub. We’d get home at nearly 6pm on Sunday and I’d feel like I’d had no weekend at all.

The next time it happened he ran up ‘to check with me’ which still puts me as the sodding bad guy and eventually we got to him saying ‘no we need to be home before lunchtime’ but so frustrated to have to explain this to him.

BA-BOOM!

I concur. Read the OP’s updates at the very least FFS.

Great stuff.

Well it's done now, but I get you @DoneWithThisShizzle

When we used to go and see my DH's aunt (she lived 160 miles away and you did need to stay over as it was hard to do in one day,) we used to stay in a Premier Inn or a Travelodge. She used to get deeply offended that we weren't staying in her guest room. 🙄 The guest room went off the kitchen, and didn't have an ensuite. You had to come out if you wanted to go to the downstairs loo, and walk through the kitchen. And then you needed to traipse through the kitchen, and the lounge to get to the bathroom upstairs!

Apart from this, we didn't want to stay. I didn't - as it was weird stopping in someone's house who I barely know, and the kids definitely didn't want to stay there, and actually couldn't wait to leave at the end of the day, and go back to the hotel.

After about 7 times of visiting in about 3 years, his aunt said 'Zov, why exactly do you not stay in our home, when we offer you a bed and our hospitality? It's actually quite insulting to say no...' I said 'I don't want to stay, I prefer to be in our own space in the late evening, and night, and the morning, and so do the kids, and so does DH. I can't help how you feel, and I'm not staying because your feelings are bruised because we leave at 8.00pm to go to the hotel we booked.' DH was like ... WTF was I meant to say? The bloody woman kept on and on, so she needed telling.

She never asked us to visit again. No loss. 😆 I never really enjoyed it to be honest. It was more the fact that we stayed 9 or 10 fucking hours that did me in. I was bored shitless by the end of the day. Like fuck was I staying there overnight, and then spending half (or most of) the next bastard day with her (and her quite nice, but very dull and boring husband...!)

!

It's your fault that you are staying. You could have easily gone home.

Talk you down? Don't you think that is a bit of an over reaction? Are you an adult? You just had to decide what YOU wanted to do - it is 30 minutes away. Not exactly the moon.

Did not want to read the whole thing. I wanted to reply to the OP.

You are the one treating your husband as a child!! The whole "we will be talking about this on the way home" as if he's a naughty child and you're doing the whole "just wait till I get you home!!!" Routine.

Can people not cope with social situations with family any more? This whole thread is a load of drama.

Would you feel different if it were your elderly frail parents? From someone who has lost both parents, I’d give anything for one more night with mine. Your husband probably knows his time with his parents are limited and is happy to stay. Maybe try to see things from his perspective and be kind and tolerant, if you can’t, then leave but I think it’s not a lot to ask to stay one more night. If you want to go home for a change of clothes, then go, half hour is hardly a trek, my school run was a half hour one way!

I think if you’d already strictly agreed to 1 night because of how unbearable you find it, I think I would be a little peed off too but to be put on the spot I guess you’d feel rude saying you wanted to go home.
I wouldn’t say you’re being unreasonable but I also wouldn’t be really angry about it, it’s a tough situation - he could have made up another excuse as to why you both had to go back home if he knew you only wanted to stay 1 night.

Please…….don’t ever use having no spare underwear as an excuse for not staying an extra night………the one time I used that it was met with an offer of a pair of knickers from the hostess 😱😱😱😱

You didn't say anything at the time and have now agreed. I sympathise with you, I could have done the same myself. But I think you might just have it suck it up for another night. I just saw there that you just live 30 minutes away. Could you pop home for a few hours. Do whatever other stuff you want to do, have some munchables and go back then for the dinner. It would give you a bit of headspace. They probably won't even notice at their age. And will like spending time catching up with their son anyway

Wash your knickers & put them on a radiator, be dry in 10 minutes.

"Sorry, no can do. I didn't pack for two nights and I've run out of essential medication. We'll have to head home today."

Then she should grow up and say what she wants when people allow them to then.

This always reminds me of that bit Sarah Millican did on one of her shows a few years back. How you can tell if you’re a risk taker or not due to how many pairs of pants you take with you [on holiday]! 😂 always makes me laugh because when I was younger (pre dc) I did use to see myself as a bit of a risk taker. However, the number of pairs of pants I take anywhere - even for one night - is frankly embarrassing. In fact - and this will really out me - I was taken into hospital once and had to quickly chuck some bits into a bag, it was a bag I always used for that kind of thing/cabin bag, and it rarely got emptied just added to. I was in hospital when they went through my bag to make an inventory(?) of what was in there, and the world could’ve opened up and swallowed me whole as they kept pulling out pant after pant after pant, counting each one as they went! Looked like a magician pulling bunting out of his sleeve. They were clean but I had no idea they were all still in there as I didn’t have time to check. I was in for two days/one night in the end and had 8 pairs of pants… 🫣

You could claim to wear daily contact lenses and be out of them… (not if you’re a glasses wearer obv)

Or apologise that you’ve promised to do next door’s cat food

I'd use the pants as my getaway excuse! Oh no, I've just come on my period and also have no spare undies. Sorry...got to go home, byeeeeeeeeeeeee waving out the door

Just to add apologies! Currently on way home from family and not all the posts were loading so only just seen update. Glad you got home! Nothing better than your own bed!

Urgh! Good to know he's the Ex now. It's putting you in the default parent position and setting you up to be the difficult one! And they are the poor, hard done by one being told what to do by "mummy". Urgh!

I know! ☺️ Not going to delve into the reason why they invited us to stay longer in the first place! 🤣

She did. She’s been home for ages.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I can feel your ire in your words 🤣🤣🤣 Sounds like absolute hell to me and I applaud you for your honesty. Queen! 👑

RTFT