Talk me down, please. I'm mighty p'd off.

[DoneWithThisShizzle]

It was agreed with DH that we would only stay at his parents for one night, Christmas day. His parents are frail, FIL has diverticulitis so needs regular access to the bathroom, particularly in the morning. I love them, but they also drive me insane as they chat about all their symptoms while doing nothing to help themselves.

MIL has just offered us to stay another night and DH turned to me to ask me what I thought! He knows what I think but, holding in my fury, I passed it back to him. Mistake! We are now staying another night.

For context, we live 30 mins away and see them regularly.

To top it off, I don't have a change of underwear.

My AIBU is, whether I have a right to feel so annoyed?

Drive home for your underwear. Surely you knew you could go home for more?
Fall asleep when you get home.

What a shit situation.
Your DH shouldn’t have put you in an awkward situation but why on earth didn’t you bat it away and say you’d only packed for one night?
He clearly wanted to stay this evening, so why didn’t you either just stay and then drive home, or just go and pick him up in the morning?
I think it’s shit for you both to agree to stay another night and then to renegade on that offer.

You could have said no, and found some good reason, but you let your DH choose. He chose what he wanted rather than what you wanted, which he had every right to do. If you didn't want to stay you should have said so.

I mostly agree with everything you have said, apart from the "telling off" and "row" bit. I have said that we'll be having a conversation and that's generally how we work things out. We'll be fine. But yes, I have my routines and don't enjoy using other people's toilets either, so staying over at someone's isn't as fun for me 🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I like your style 😉

That’s good - a much better way to communicate. I must have incorrectly caught the telling off / row vibes.

I also really like my own toilet! 😂 (and my own pillow!)

Clean undies will dry overnight if handwashed tonight unless the house is bitterly cold. But I don't know why they (or he) would think you should stay when you are thirty mins down the road! Definitely go home ...

I think I would have said “no, we agreed we’d go home today, and I don’t have the things I need to stay another night.”

I would then have torn him to shreds in the car. Coward.

Oh dear you should have said 'oh i'd love to but we have to get back to x/y/z (insert any relevant piece of info as applicable)'. Fail.

Fair enough, I did say I was p'd off, so the implication was there.

Yep, same bed too, and the choice of the spare bed when either DH's snoring or my night sweating becomes too much 🤣

I think it’s easy after the fact to say “why didn’t you just say no?” but in the moment, being on the spot like that is hard as you don’t want to sound rude/antisocial/party pooper.
DH already knew you wouldn’t want to, and as it’s HIS parents it’s much easier for him to just say no and he could easily double check with you after/come up with a way for him to stay and you to go. I’ve been in a similar position many times with my ILs and my DH can be very frustrating like that. So solidarity! Glad you’re sorted now!

Ah, solidarity. It's so draining though, isn't it.

Definitely your own fault, DH gave you the opportunity to say no, politely, with excuses about needing to get back and not having enough spare clothing etc.

Yeah, the opportunity to say no happened two days in advance! That he wasn't polite in saying no, as he'd agreed, to his own parents, is absolutely my fault! Damn me for being the default polite responder and female in this scenario. It must be wonderful to take the blame for everything, especially when it isn't your fault 👍

‘’Oh it’s been so lovely Pete and Jean, but I’m actually going to go home after all, I’ve got a terrific migraine and I think a night in my own bed will do be the world of good. Adam will stay though won’t you darling, don’t let my headache stop proceedings. Right I’m off, pick you up at lunchtime tomorrow Adam. Cheerio All’

Then I’d trounce off and squeal with excitement about the prospect of a night alone in my house.

My husband used to do this toe but with inviting his parents for Sunday dinner/Christmas!

Annoyed with yourself right?

Because you could have said... i have no spare undies but happy to stop by tomorrow for a coffee.. saved the peace and got home

Yeah Jesus Christ OP, how on earth could anyone make this your fault? Personally cowardly mummies boys who can't say no give me the raging ick. How dare he put saying no to his own parents on you? I'd be much more pissed off at his patheticness than you are tbh!

A night alone would be bliss, not going to lie, but at least we've decided to go home after all, as agreed 👍

OMG! I'd be foaming! But then I'd have the opportunity book myself a spa break and leave him to crack on 🤣

He has redeemed himself but we'll be having a chat about his back bone.

You should of just been upfront and said no your fury and resentment are yours alone.

I think it’s really weird that he’s now not staying the night.

Is he incapable of spending 1 night on his own?

I’d be telling him to stay (seeing as he suggested it and put you on the spot) and you’ll see him the next day.

Yabu as you had the chance to state your preference and disnt take it.

He handed it straight over to you and you could have just said no?! But you didn’t? How is that not your own fault? You were given the opportunity to make a choice and you refused!

So no, sorry, you can’t just pass this off as all being his fault.