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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Talk me down, please. I'm mighty p'd off.

225 replies

DoneWithThisShizzle · 26/12/2025 14:04

It was agreed with DH that we would only stay at his parents for one night, Christmas day. His parents are frail, FIL has diverticulitis so needs regular access to the bathroom, particularly in the morning. I love them, but they also drive me insane as they chat about all their symptoms while doing nothing to help themselves.

MIL has just offered us to stay another night and DH turned to me to ask me what I thought! He knows what I think but, holding in my fury, I passed it back to him. Mistake! We are now staying another night.

For context, we live 30 mins away and see them regularly.

To top it off, I don't have a change of underwear.

My AIBU is, whether I have a right to feel so annoyed?

OP posts:
Parsleyforme · 26/12/2025 15:50

But if you’d already had the chat and decided you both didn’t want to stay, why didn’t at least one of you come up with an excuse to answer the question that you knew was coming?
Personally I would’ve thrown it back to Dh by saying something like “oh we’d have liked to stay but we have that thing tomorrow morning, what is it again?”. Then he’d either come up with something or you could think of something while he’s floundering. Would’ve been easier to have an excuse prepared though

Elektra1 · 26/12/2025 15:50

“Oh thank you MIL. We’ve had such a lovely time but I need to get back home today because [any relevant reason]. DH I know would love to stay so I’ll pop back to pick him up tomorrow. Thanks so much for a wonderful Christmas!”

Honestly this is not advanced science.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 26/12/2025 15:51

Just go home and let your husband stay. I can't see the point in staying over if you only live 30 minutes away.

VioletandMauve · 26/12/2025 15:54

Just tell them you’ve changed your mind because of X, Y or Z. Let him stay. It’s not difficult.

ChristmasMantleStatue · 26/12/2025 15:55

Next year, get a cat. **

Because then you have to get home to feed the cat.

** and of course, TBH, everyone needs to have a cat.

Thuraya17 · 26/12/2025 15:55

DoneWithThisShizzle · 26/12/2025 14:04

It was agreed with DH that we would only stay at his parents for one night, Christmas day. His parents are frail, FIL has diverticulitis so needs regular access to the bathroom, particularly in the morning. I love them, but they also drive me insane as they chat about all their symptoms while doing nothing to help themselves.

MIL has just offered us to stay another night and DH turned to me to ask me what I thought! He knows what I think but, holding in my fury, I passed it back to him. Mistake! We are now staying another night.

For context, we live 30 mins away and see them regularly.

To top it off, I don't have a change of underwear.

My AIBU is, whether I have a right to feel so annoyed?

‘I think I am going to go home after all, I need some spare clothes and stuff, after all we’re only 30 mins away. You can stay another night if you want’

Sparklesandspandexgallore · 26/12/2025 15:56

What you should have said is ‘Oh that’s so kind if you to offer but I have plans with Laura. Dh, why don’t you stay and I’ll come back for you on Saturday.’ Or which ever day suits you best op.
Then once you are back home and calm tell him have , ever to put you in that situation again.

MandemChickenShop · 26/12/2025 15:57

Shame you couldnt find some compromise, the elderly, frail, parents obviously enjoy your company, and are, no doubt, are very proud of their son and DiL.

No-one's around forever, spend time with them whilst you're able to.

GoneWoman · 26/12/2025 15:57

You're both grown ups
If you want to leave then leave
If he wants to stay then he stays
It's not rocket science and it's certainly not worth all of the drama 🫠

ProfessorInkling · 26/12/2025 15:59

Oh god, don't bring it up again in the car, you've had a chat and have both agreed to go home, enjoy going back to your own bed and clean underwear! Wine

Mcdhotchoc · 26/12/2025 16:01

I loved and adored my in-laws. However when we went over for Sunday afternoon I always insisted on taking 2 cars, especially in the summer. At 5.30 or 6 I would say I'm off now to get stuff ready for work tomorrow and take one of the kids with me.
You need to just go home nicely.

BaileysHotChocolateByThePool · 26/12/2025 16:10

Not the point, but I thought everyone packed at least 2 extra pairs of undies when away from home just in case we forget how to control our bladders/bowels.

He should know better and I'm with you I'd have not been quick witted enough when put on the spot. He owes you!

vitahelp · 26/12/2025 16:11

Sasgatchewyn · 26/12/2025 14:51

Why would you stay anywhere only 30 mins from home?

Yes this..all of our family are minimum 2 hour drive away and we still don’t stay!
Also if I did have to stay, for the sake of a 30 min drive I’d just pop home for clean underwear!

HewasH2O · 26/12/2025 16:13

It's called the Abilene Paradox. Everyone wants to say no as nobody wants to fo thd thing on offer, but everyone assumes someone else will say no first. They end up going ahead with the thiing that nobody wanted to do and all having a miserable time as expected.

SpinningaCompass · 26/12/2025 16:16

Go home. Tell them you'd agreed to meet up with someone, you'd forgotten, but you'll collect your husband tomorrow evening and leave them to it.

dollyblue01 · 26/12/2025 16:18

Why didn’t you just say no ?

Clasaassa · 26/12/2025 16:18

I do feel a bit bad for your DH, tbh. I’m not sure telling him off in the car, like you implied, is the way to go. But a kind conversation where you say that - in the future, you never want to stay for more than one night for x reasons, just so there’s never any doubt.

He doesn’t want to let his parents down when they love having him around. You should have just said no. But you’re going home now. So I think problem almost solved? But rowing all the way home won’t make either of you enjoy life! So why row or “tell him off”? Just say “So you know for the future, one night is my max at your parents’, but obviously I’m really happy for you to spend longer and that will be lovely for you and them.”

I don’t like staying at people’s houses, even though I’m very social. I have my morning and nighttime routines and like my own bathroom and my own bed! (Holidays are different when it’s a “neutral” rented house.) Two days of his mum is my max as she and I don’t really get each other. DH is well aware of this, he also knows I’m happy for him to stay if he wants to.

UnintentionalArcher · 26/12/2025 16:22

DoneWithThisShizzle · 26/12/2025 14:24

I know. I'm mad at myself for not knowing exactly what to say in the moment. I also know that he really wants to stay, but most likely won't if I decide to go home. Therefore, I'm kind of in a no-win situation. I stay and be p'd off or we go and he's p'd off.

Show quote history

To me, the perfect solution is for you to go and him to stay. Do you know why he wouldn’t be happy with this, as it allows both of you what you want?

acorncrush · 26/12/2025 16:23

You’re suddenly feeling ill and have to go home, sorry everyone, you’ll see him tomorrow. Catch an uber home, order a take away and watch some Netflix 🍿

wombat1a · 26/12/2025 16:28

Can't see why you are annoyed with your DH, he didn't decide to stay an extra day, he punted it to you and you punted it back. If on the other hand he had said unilaterally you're staying for another night then I'd be fuming and leaving without him. I think it was considerate of him to ask you.

Original poster
DoneWithThisShizzle · 26/12/2025 16:32

ChristmasMantleStatue · 26/12/2025 15:55

Next year, get a cat. **

Because then you have to get home to feed the cat.

** and of course, TBH, everyone needs to have a cat.

This I can wholeheartedly agree with. We lost our little lady at the beginning of the summer. We're not ready to fill the space she left yet, but maybe next year 🐈‍⬛

OP posts:
Original poster
DoneWithThisShizzle · 26/12/2025 16:33

MandemChickenShop · 26/12/2025 15:57

Shame you couldnt find some compromise, the elderly, frail, parents obviously enjoy your company, and are, no doubt, are very proud of their son and DiL.

No-one's around forever, spend time with them whilst you're able to.

We're literally 30 mins away and see them regularly. I'm not moving in with them unless I really have to!

OP posts:
ILoveLaLaLand · 26/12/2025 16:36

dollyblue01 · 26/12/2025 16:18

Why didn’t you just say no ?

Same reason most people don't say no in the moment - politeness.

Original poster
DoneWithThisShizzle · 26/12/2025 16:37

BaileysHotChocolateByThePool · 26/12/2025 16:10

Not the point, but I thought everyone packed at least 2 extra pairs of undies when away from home just in case we forget how to control our bladders/bowels.

He should know better and I'm with you I'd have not been quick witted enough when put on the spot. He owes you!

🤣 I didn't anticipate any pants based dramas nor having to come up with on the spot excuses. My wits have not been up to speed 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
DoneWithThisShizzle · 26/12/2025 16:39

HewasH2O · 26/12/2025 16:13

It's called the Abilene Paradox. Everyone wants to say no as nobody wants to fo thd thing on offer, but everyone assumes someone else will say no first. They end up going ahead with the thiing that nobody wanted to do and all having a miserable time as expected.

🤣🤣🤣 it's Abilene's fault! What a bitch!🤣🤣🤣

OP posts: