Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

It should be spilt 6 ways. Your sisters 4, you and you mam. And why does she get to keep all of the leftovers?

She's being a cheeky fucker. Dont let her bully you.

I would think splitting it between the adults would be fairer, but since your sister is hosting and therefore presumably doing the lion's share of the work, including cleaning etc beforehand then 33:33:33 doesn't seem too bad.

In any case, this should all have been discussed before Christmas.

How old are her kids ? If under 5 I’d be saying ok let’s split 4 ways - 4 adults

Next year do a group food shop and bring your own alcohol as it’s the alcohol that will increase the price- then take the left over alcohol with you.

Did your sister host and do all the prep and cooking? I'd see that as a fair exchange.

However if you're struggling for money or they bought £200 of booze it is unfair. If you dint have money troubles this year I'd leave it but next year ask to split the food only and say you'll bring your own drink becayse you want something specific. I'd also ask if OK to take some leftovers if they're plentiful.

She cooked two dishes in advance because she wanted to and the rest of the prep and cooking we both did together.

I hardly drink though, I had one alcoholic drink yesterday.

I didnt bring it up beforehand because it made me anxious. How would you approach it? How do I say it as to not cause an issue or argument?

They are 5 and 9.

It depends how much the cost is.

But realistically if it is outrageous I’d rather go out with your mum next year!

I mean another way to do it is you bring the starters and your mum brings pudding

I bet she’s very delighted about you both topping up her shop tho!

what were previous years bills?

Its going to be about 250 quid

Could you suggest splitting the food bill evenly between the three of you and then you contribute a small token amount (£10) towards the drink?
In your sisters defence, there are hidden costs in hosting people which are easy to underestimate and probably not factored in to your shop such as olive oil for cooking, salt/pepper, butter, milk, flour etc.

What!!! £250 each?

Are you insane?! You could go to claridges for that

Being "difficult" is a strategy used by people because it means they invariably get their own way. Recognise that. I think it should be divided by the number of people eating, so 6. Why does she think her family counts as 1 person and then also gets to keep what's left? Ask the question. If her kids are little then perhaps count them as 1 rather than 2.

Absolutely not. Pay your share and not a penny more.

Sorry no, total.

Each or split in 3? Is it the cost of the one meal or more

I’d split 4 ways
for each adult
as she’s hosting at hers the kids go free until they are older

Don't include alcohol with everyone bringing a donation for the day including from your DS and her dh

EDITED

At least split it 4 ways between you, your mum, your sister and her partner? And only for food - not alcohol! Especially if they’re buying it, drinking most of the alcohol and keeping all of the leftovers!

I would message ahead of her requesting cash so you’re on the front foot, offering 1/4 of the cost?

And what proportion of that is the booze?

I would ask for a breakdown, exclude the booze from the bill, and then pay a quarter.

Use AI to draft a kind response politely refusing to pay that much. It really is excessive - you are getting ripped off

Veg and sides are about £30 max even for luxury brands

Does she share the receipt

As your sister is hosting she has the cost of the oven on all day, central heating lights etc.

I would split the food and drink out. Split the food between 4 adults, take your own alcohol with you or just forgo the one drink. You and your mum also get to take some leftovers if you want.

If she is going to be upset by the new split then it will cause an argument no matter what way you do it. So just say it… ‘DS, I don’t think the way we’re financially splitting Xmas works for me anymore. I am only one person and only had one alcoholic drink whereas you are four people. It would be more fair to split the cost 6 ways, you pay 4 lots and I pay 1 lot and mum pays 1 lot. Or I can pay 1.5 and you 4.5 if we want to cover mum. Otherwise I’m paying a lot extra for a lot less.’