Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

Or do her own thing elsewhere

Dont go, if you are coubting mouthfuls and argueing over who is eating what,so embarassing,eat at home, dont go.

Depends on how old the children are.
Also,hosting involves work and hidden costs of energy bills so some leeway for this is expected.

I don't agree. Why should the husband get away with not paying a share and the mum and sister have to pay a third? Why isn't he paying his share

They would have the energy bills anyway surely. If the sister was cooking for her own family then the oven would be on. Lights would be on. The central heating would be on.

£250 is way too much. Our order from Sainsbury's was £300 and that was for 8 adults, and for Xmas Eve evening meal, Xmas Lunch and Boxing day breakfast, including over 200 pib!

That said you are arguing and posting on a national forum about giving your sister £63 or £83. So getting the 'ump over £20, when your sister has hosted.

Chalk this one up to experience and make different arrangements next year.

They aren't counting mouthfuls. They are paying the third of a share of a meal when there's four adults involved. They pay towards alcohol that they don't drink. They don't get any leftovers either. They would have nothing to complain about if the split was fair

I dont think arguing that 83 pounds for christmas lunch with an alcoholic drink is unfair when hosting costs work,shopping ,cooking ,cleaning ,wear and tear and energy costs .
If you split it 4 ways (all adults )it would be 62.50 ,saving you 20 pounds ,seems not worth causing ill feeling tbh.

Yes. £83 is a week's food budget for a lot of people. One meal for £83 is insane.

The thing is. They don't drink much. They got one alcoholic drink and they are subsidising everyone else's

"I can't afford to subsidize your family."

Sorry but £250 each (so £750 in total) is madness. I am a keen cook and buy high quality meat from my butcher. I’ve fed 18 people (15 adults and 3 primary school aged kids) on Christmas Day for £300, not including wine.

hosting costs work,shopping ,cooking ,cleaning ,wear and tear and energy costs .

Probably depends if Op's sister would usually be doing this or the family & if 2 extra adults adds that much more to it.

Time for OP to take her turn at hosting! She can agree whatever financial split she feels fair when she's stepping up and hosting.

She's butthurt that the financial split is slightly in her sister's favour, yet doesn't seem to acknowledge at all that her sister bears the burden of hosting 100% of the time, whilst she opts out of ever making an effort.

Yes I would never, ever expect financial contribution from guests. Bring some dishes and bottles, but money is embarrassing, especially from your own mother!

Split 4 ways is the most sensible I think

I think this is fair ☺️

My mum, brother and myselfs Christmas dinner cost 23 quid (takeaway). My brother doesn't drink as he's driving but my mum bought me a box of wine (15 quid, as part of my Christmas). Some wine for herself and everything else was from a community pantry (I appreciate not everyone has them nearby). And I went out today to buy some yellow sticker bits that we will have tonight

I do know that some people like to splurge but the OPs family could surely put a meal on and some booze for less than 250 quid in total

The OP didnt specify how much the others drink alcohol either.
Or how much of the budget was spent on alcohol.
If i was invited to someones home for christmas lunch, who was shopping,cooking ,cleaning and paying the energy costs involved id be happy to stand them a few drinks tbh.
But people are different.

You don't know that she opts out. It would seem more sensible for the sister to host as she has young kids who presumably want to be in the family home on Christmas day

The biggest issue for me is that the husband isn't paying any share

Without any doubt it can be done for less than £250 but quite nice for the sister to stock up paid by her mother and sister.

i could understand the argument for a 4 way split (62 pounds rather than 83 pounds ) if we are not taking into account work involved in shopping,cooking cleaning and energy costs ,which the hosts foot the bill for which the guests do not.

I cannot imagine hosting and then charging my family members. I always end up hosting because I have the biggest house, wouldn’t dream of asking anyone for any money for it. I wouldn’t be going if that was me, go out for a nice dinner with your mum

And the visitors may have expenses travelling for Christmas.

Also, since when does hosting a meal - whether at Christmas for family or at any other time - involve charging guests for the cost of electricity, prepping and clearing up? We’re not running a restaurant, we’re choosing to host our family/friends. If you don’t want to do that, don’t do it. But you don’t do it and expect to be paid for your labour. How ridiculous.