Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

Not unreasonable to just want to pay your share. But YABU for not getting the ground rules agreed well beforehand. Suck it up this year but say that next year you’ll only pay for your percentage.

Should have been spoken about before Christmas. Your sister may be expecting you to contribute like you have previously and you are now moving the goal posts. Pay graciously this year and send a message saying next year it should be split 4 ways between the adults.

Depends what is meant by leftovers.

I took it to mean food and drink that hadn't been eaten e.g. unopened bottles of wine, boxes of biscuits, untouched desserts, cheeses and crackers. The food bill is so large that it suggests there were things bought on the budget that might not have been consumed during Christmas Day.

I doubt OP would be bothered if we were talking about a bit of turkey and a few sprouts.

Food/drinks definitely should be split circa 3:1:1, but maybe some consideration/compensation for effort/costs/after-clean to your sister for being the host. That in itself is no easy or cheap job!

If you actually read the entire thread the OP states that she helps out a lot when she's there

I can see why you fond some responses upsetting/unkind.
People are different ,especially regarding money.
By 6 people do you mean 4 adults and 2 children? Most would not think Children should not be included in a split, surely?
from what you said earlier you seemed to want the bill split 4 ways rather than 3 ? A saving you you of around 20 pounds. Considering wear and tear plus energy costs to the host ,this seems reasonable to many but i appreciate you feel differently.

Of course YANBU. If you went for a meal which is the same premise, you should pay for your own share- not someone else’s three course meal including steak and a bottle of red when you had pasta and tap water for example. It’s just ludicrous. Also crazy to be expected to pay towards her DH and DC’s food.

Regardless, even just being able to leave and go back to your own house that hasn't just hosted for Christmas is a lot more relaxing! Hosting for a big occasion is disruptive and stressful, requires cleaning before and after (I’m sure OP didn’t hoover/mop etc while there), does increase bills etc etc as others have pointed out. I’m always the host for any occasion or family holiday as I have a larger dining space and spare room, and trust me, it’s exhausting and inevitably costs money.

The OP said that she helps out when she's there - we are talking two extra people. Extra bills would be marginal as the sister would be cooking anyway

Extra energy costs would be minimal

Well at least some people get it -exactly this

Yes and this is why I agreed that food/drinks should ofc be split equitably to account for husband / kids. But let’s not deny that being a guest is far easier/more relaxing than being the host, no matter how helpful you are or the length of stay.

What’s the alternative for next year? If she declines to have you over for anything less than 1/3rd of the cost, are you going to spend Christmas alone at your own home, or will you go elsewhere?

Not necessarily. A lot of people (myself included) find it a lot more relaxing to be in their own home than someone else's. I have a SIL who point blank refuses to go to anyone else's for Christmas as she wants to do things her own way.

I have no idea on that one. My family do a very low key Christmas. We don't refer to it as hosting probably because we get a takeaway. But yes I do get that if someone has 20 people round for Christmas day it might get a little stressful

For me the cost of extra hours of oven time,extractor fan,multiple diswasher runs was what most would deem minimal (my meter showed extra 12 pounds on the day!) but still an extra cost.
I think the main issue here is people are different about money and its best to negotiate whats fair and acceptable to all beforehand .

Cooking and washing up for 2 extra people is minimal. It's £1 or £2 more at most.

I assume you had more extra guests than that for your metre to show £12 extra.

I did have 5 adults and 3 children which is 3 extra adults plus children and i did choose to cook a very large turkey,also i appreciate energy costs may vary depending on tarif .My energy bill has increased over the christmas period but others may be not so much. The OP case demonstrates people are different about money. I didnt charge any of my guests for hosting (they will reciprocate at other times) others charge for every penny of incurred costs. I dont think there's a right or wrong in this other than pre arranging what works for everyone is key.

Still waiting on an explanation for this weird post @sittingonabeach