Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

In future split the food bill into 4 (each adult pays 1/4). Everyone brings their own drinks. Each adult is entitled to a share of the leftovers so you and DM can take something home with you if you wish.

For this year I would split the food into four (1/4 per adult). If you had one alcoholic drink I would offer the cost of a bottle of wine plus any soft drinks you had.

I’d just suck it up given your sister is hosting at her house. Yes it seems a bit unfair, but is it worth a potential fall out? How much alcohol was purchased? I think you could start saying I didn’t drink this, or eat that, but as your sister is hosting i’d just pay it.

How about you offer to host next year? Then you can agree (in advance) how you want the costs split, and you can keep the leftovers. Oh and you can also do the colossal amount of work involved in hosting a family Christmas. Fair's fair!

For this year, you need to pay the third of costs that's been agreed by custom and practice. You can't attend, eat the dinner and try to change the terms after the event. There's no good way to do that without cauding problems, cos it's a shitty thing to do and will obviously cause offence.

This is what I have been thinking £250 for 6 people’s Xmas shop isn’t really a lot (I spent over £325 and I didn’t even host Xmas day). So it’s about £80 🤷‍♀️

Although to be honest I think everyone is being a little weird an miserly here. I’ve never had people over and asked for money - if she doesn’t want to host then don’t host? 🤔

Edit to say she could at least send you home with some leftovers - they are so yummy on Boxing Day.

id split it 5 ways- half for a kid, and a full for an adult. so you pay a fifth, so does your mum and she pays three fifths. Of course mumsnet says kids go free- but thats ridiculous, they still eat!!!

If you split it 5x ways - so 4x adults and 2x 0.5 adults it’d be £50 for your share. Split 3x ways it’s £83 for you.

it’s your call whether you want to fall out with your sister over £30. Personally if she’s hosting and doing a lot of the planning and preparation I’d be tempted to just let it go.

So costs you £85 and you stay for a couple for days while sister hosts and cleans etc.
If that's the case I think your being tight

Depends a bit on kids ages, if primary aged or younger split it 4 ways (between adults) if older 6 ways. People should bring the drinks they fancy and if not be in with the shop. Energy isn’t free so them keeping the leftovers seems a fair exchange for hosting

If you are eating other meals there too the money doesn’t seem to be so bad. Ask for some leftovers to take home if that bothers you (e.g. unopened alcohol if you can use it e.g. for bringing to a party). Next year ask to split food only and for everyone to bring their own drink.

Wow

my shop cost me £140 for 10
people

although alcohol is separate to that

say you are happy to contribute to food shop but do your own thing on alcohol

Is there a reason that it's not split four ways because I assume the husband eats as well? I also get that she's hosting but she keeps all the leftover food and booze

So essentially she's getting money back from you and your mum towards the cost of the shop - when she's still got a lot of food and drink left? That's not fair. It's to be split 3 ways and she's basically buying 250 pounds worth of food and drink and paying just over 85 pounds because you and your mum pay the rest?

Maybe consider cutting down the spend a bit if that's the case

Id be telling her you and your mum will be going elsewhere next year

Absolutely she's hosting and using fuel - but she's getting the much better deal out of this - and I'm sure she knows it

Each or between 3?

I agree with this. What my 5 year old ate yesterday would have cost a few quid at most - the cost of them joining a meal is negligible compared to feeding adults. I accept some 9 year olds can put away more but given you were being hosted it seems a bit mean-spirited to include them in the split. Agree with pps also that in future alcohol should be removed from the equation.

we've invited family to our house for lost of the last 40 years and I would never have considered asking anyone for a financial contribution. I remember my dad trying to give me some money on a couple of occasions towards the cost of the food and drink but I actually found it mildly offensive that he asked - I don’t expect my guests to pay towards the cost of coming to my house for Christmas Day. We would still be spending almost as much if it was just the two of us, or three of us when my daughter was here.

My mum has never asked me for a contribution towards Christmas. For context we don't spend anywhere near 250 pounds (there's only three of us though) . Yesterday my brother came up to hers and the three of us had a takeaway and it cost 23 quid. She paid.

But I do things for her during the year. I take her out for meals. She came to mine for a takeaway last week.

I think it's the expectation that the OP and her mum pay for food and alcohol even if someone isn't drinking that's the issue here - not the fact that they've been asked to make a contribution

Although to be honest I think everyone is being a little weird an miserly here. I’ve never had people over and asked for money - if she doesn’t want to host then don’t host?

I was thinking the same - is there a class aspect going on here? As I'm as rough as they come and my family/people I know from home would never ask for money if they were hosting. Bit of a working class pride thing.
My Gran would make enough Christmas dinner to serve the entire estate 10 times over but would shudder in her grave at the idea of anyone financially contributing towards it.

I'd agree here. Hosting is far more than just buying the food and cooking.

I'm assuming the kids aren't full blown 17 year olds who eat as much as an adult and drink etc? My kids (I have 3, 2 teens and an 8 year old) probably ate about £20's worth between them yesterday if that.

Sitting between the adults is fair.

She’s married, so that’s 4 adults. So I’d split it 4 ways. It’s really late in the day to be discussing this now, you should have had this conversation before Xmas.

OP, next year, before you all go shopping, tell your sister that you should I split the food shop four ways but can the booze bill be done separately? It’s much better to get these things sorted before and not after. As much as you’ve been stewing on the unfairness, your sister might be banking on the money you said you’d contribute.

Suggest splitting adults, and then next year, everyone brings what they want to drink.

If someone is banking on the money - they don't need to spend 250 quid on food and booze for four people. They could go to aldi or lidl. Lidl and aldi do cheap veg and potatoes at Christmas.

It was 11p for a bag of potatoes just before Christmas. I got sprouts for 5p in morrisons. I do know some people like to splurge but if the OP doesn't drink its unfair of her to have to pay towards alcohol - particularly as she doesn't even get a bag of leftovers to take home

Can any of you afford it or is it a stretch? 1/4 seems a food compromise if all adults are a bit stretched and it won’t result in your mum doing 50%. We don’t do any official splitting it would feel weird in our family, but people might bring things and my mum and dad will do some of the shopping.

It’s a little late to have this conversation now, you should pay what is expected and have the conversation before Christmas next year

I cant work out who owes who, if you and Mum did the shopping- was your bill really £250? What on earth did you buy for 4 adults and 2 children?

children count as 1/2 under 12
so 4 adults + 2x 1/2= 5

250..
_
5 = £50 each you and mum,150 sister
If the greater part of £250 was booze and pop, just dont buy it next year