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Original poster

Christmas expense split unfairly

469 replies

Blackcat54 · 26/12/2025 11:59

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

OP posts:
dontmalbeconme · 26/12/2025 16:15

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 16:01

You don't know that she opts out. It would seem more sensible for the sister to host as she has young kids who presumably want to be in the family home on Christmas day

Show quote history

She goes to her sister's every year, leaving her sister to bear the burden of hosting. That's opting out of hosting for herself.

If she doesn't like the terms under which her sister bears the hosting load every year, she doesn't have to go. She could take her £80 and buy her own dinner (although if she wants someone else to provide the venue, the decorations, cook it snd serve it to her in a pub or restaurant, she'd probably need to double or triple that amount).

SpinningaCompass · 26/12/2025 16:30

dontmalbeconme · 26/12/2025 16:15

She goes to her sister's every year, leaving her sister to bear the burden of hosting. That's opting out of hosting for herself.

If she doesn't like the terms under which her sister bears the hosting load every year, she doesn't have to go. She could take her £80 and buy her own dinner (although if she wants someone else to provide the venue, the decorations, cook it snd serve it to her in a pub or restaurant, she'd probably need to double or triple that amount).

Show quote history

Still too much to be asking of OP

redskydelight · 26/12/2025 17:13

dontmalbeconme · 26/12/2025 16:15

She goes to her sister's every year, leaving her sister to bear the burden of hosting. That's opting out of hosting for herself.

If she doesn't like the terms under which her sister bears the hosting load every year, she doesn't have to go. She could take her £80 and buy her own dinner (although if she wants someone else to provide the venue, the decorations, cook it snd serve it to her in a pub or restaurant, she'd probably need to double or triple that amount).

Show quote history

Oh for goodness sake. "Hosting" for 2 extra close family adults who help with the shopping, the food prep, the cooking, the tidying and amusing children is hardly a huge deal. In fact OP's sister may actually have less work to do than if the guests weren't there.

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 17:45

dontmalbeconme · 26/12/2025 16:15

She goes to her sister's every year, leaving her sister to bear the burden of hosting. That's opting out of hosting for herself.

If she doesn't like the terms under which her sister bears the hosting load every year, she doesn't have to go. She could take her £80 and buy her own dinner (although if she wants someone else to provide the venue, the decorations, cook it snd serve it to her in a pub or restaurant, she'd probably need to double or triple that amount).

Show quote history

No she wouldn't. It doesn't cost 80 pounds for a meal out on Christmas day. If it does you are being rinsed

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 17:47

I'm sorry. The word hosting is getting on my every last nerve just now. The sister would be cooking dinner for her family anyway - not in a million years would my mum ever have had my gran with us at Christmas and expected to pay a penny

No one needs to spend 250 quid on food and drink for four adults. Someone could easily make a decent meal and have booze for 80 or 90 quid if that

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 17:49

Elektra1 · 26/12/2025 16:10

Also, since when does hosting a meal - whether at Christmas for family or at any other time - involve charging guests for the cost of electricity, prepping and clearing up? We’re not running a restaurant, we’re choosing to host our family/friends. If you don’t want to do that, don’t do it. But you don’t do it and expect to be paid for your labour. How ridiculous.

Exactly

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 17:52

There are restaurants near me that do a three course Christmas meal for 50 quid. Some of the big chains will cost more obviously. Has no one considered that the sister could do the meal more cheaply?

MumChp · 26/12/2025 17:53

allthingsinmoderation · 26/12/2025 16:05

i could understand the argument for a 4 way split (62 pounds rather than 83 pounds ) if we are not taking into account work involved in shopping,cooking cleaning and energy costs ,which the hosts foot the bill for which the guests do not.

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We foot the bill to travel and visit my husband's family this year.
Does that count?

OP's sister doesn't pay for 2 adults and 2 kids travelling for Christmas. Mum and sister might pay to go to OPs house.

MumChp · 26/12/2025 17:58

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 17:52

There are restaurants near me that do a three course Christmas meal for 50 quid. Some of the big chains will cost more obviously. Has no one considered that the sister could do the meal more cheaply?

We had Christmas buffet today at a pub.
Children £10 Adults £20. Including a beer, a glass of wine or a 4 dl soda.
It was double up £ on the 25th for same offer - but it was well stocked and really good.

TheRealMagic · 26/12/2025 18:00

Like others, I can't imagine charging family for Christmas. But I also think that as it's your sister's house you can't start negotiating the price. She's inviting you and telling you it'll cost X - I think your option is to go or not (and I would incline towards the latter myself)

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 18:13

I've been at my mums since Christmas eve. She hasn't once said to me that I'm putting her out over the heating or having lights on - which I actually haven't. The light in my room is on for a minute until I go to bed

Why does everything need to be prepping chopping. One person being put out?

There no need for someone to spend 250 quid on Christmas dinner and if the OPs sister did it for 80 or 90 quid which is totally achievable - there would be no problem

She's getting the best deal out of all of this - which is why the OP is upset

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 18:30

I wonder how much booze is being purchased. Because it's not 250 quid for a Christmas dinner for 4 adults and two kids by any stretch of the imagination

Sometimessmiling · 26/12/2025 18:31

Blackcat54 · 26/12/2025 11:59

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

Who pays for elec/gas etc.i think you need to think about bigger picture

MumChp · 26/12/2025 18:33

Sometimessmiling · 26/12/2025 18:31

Who pays for elec/gas etc.i think you need to think about bigger picture

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Who pay to travel to the sister's house for the bigger picture. Travel can be expensive.

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 18:44

Sometimessmiling · 26/12/2025 18:31

Who pays for elec/gas etc.i think you need to think about bigger picture

Show quote history

They would still be using electric and gas if the sister and mum weren't there. The sister buys 250 quid of food and pays 83 while her husband pays nothing - no. The mum and sister are being rinsed here.

It does not cost 250 quid for Christmas dinner for 4 adults and two young kids

Butterflyarms · 26/12/2025 19:04

It's too late for this year but for next year you say 'I will bring my own drink as I'm not a drink so can you take that off when you're calculating the total. Thanks'.

allthingsinmoderation · 26/12/2025 19:13

MumChp · 26/12/2025 17:53

We foot the bill to travel and visit my husband's family this year.
Does that count?

OP's sister doesn't pay for 2 adults and 2 kids travelling for Christmas. Mum and sister might pay to go to OPs house.

Edited
Show quote history

i think travelling costs if significant are reasonable to take into account, the OP didn't mention costs regarding travel (im sure OP would have mentioned as she's up in arms about the unfairness of splitting the bill between 3 verses four, a saving of 20 pounds or so.)

MumChp · 26/12/2025 19:27

allthingsinmoderation · 26/12/2025 19:13

i think travelling costs if significant are reasonable to take into account, the OP didn't mention costs regarding travel (im sure OP would have mentioned as she's up in arms about the unfairness of splitting the bill between 3 verses four, a saving of 20 pounds or so.)

Show quote history

If so the sister shouldn't be reimbursed for electric and gas either.

allthingsinmoderation · 26/12/2025 19:46

MumChp · 26/12/2025 19:27

If so the sister shouldn't be reimbursed for electric and gas either.

Show quote history

Depends wether the extra costs were significant tbh.
The OP didn't mention travel costs(could have been nothing or significant) and the sister isn't posting so we don know her extra costs (just that hosting definitely costs extra)
I watched my electricity meter go into overdrive whilst cooking Christmas dinner ,i was hosting 8 people though.
The OP seems to be unhappy about splitting the bill between 3 adults ,rather than 4 adults (a saving of 20 or so pounds)
I think hosting costs would easily add up to 20 pounds.
People are different though,most wouldnt argue over 20 pounds for someone hosting christmas lunch but some would.
There may be a backstory we don't know about too.

ResusciAnnie · 26/12/2025 20:15

IMO it shouldn’t be split at all, either host or don’t 😵‍💫 yes even if you’re single. It doesn’t have to be super expensive.

whistlesandbells · 26/12/2025 20:50

This depends really on the quality of the food, the effort and cost of hosting and the ages of the children. £83 for a Xmas meal (while not cheap) isn’t so bad if you’re eating very well, if you’re not having to cook it, prep it, pay for the gas etc. If the kids are small then they don’t factor in my opinion.
But perhaps you should say before the shopping ( and not after the meal) that you don’t want to pay for alcohol /bring your own.

redskydelight · 26/12/2025 20:52

whistlesandbells · 26/12/2025 20:50

This depends really on the quality of the food, the effort and cost of hosting and the ages of the children. £83 for a Xmas meal (while not cheap) isn’t so bad if you’re eating very well, if you’re not having to cook it, prep it, pay for the gas etc. If the kids are small then they don’t factor in my opinion.
But perhaps you should say before the shopping ( and not after the meal) that you don’t want to pay for alcohol /bring your own.

OP says they shared the prepping and the cooking and she also helped with the clearing up afterwards.

Perhaps (since this is MN) she should bill her sister for her household labour contributing to the meal?

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 22:10

whistlesandbells · 26/12/2025 20:50

This depends really on the quality of the food, the effort and cost of hosting and the ages of the children. £83 for a Xmas meal (while not cheap) isn’t so bad if you’re eating very well, if you’re not having to cook it, prep it, pay for the gas etc. If the kids are small then they don’t factor in my opinion.
But perhaps you should say before the shopping ( and not after the meal) that you don’t want to pay for alcohol /bring your own.

Not cheap is an understatement. Pretty sure someone could cook a very decent Xmas dinner from scratch for 4 adults for less than forty quid. Easily

A turkey or whatever other meat you eat . Some veg and some potatoes and even factoring in the cost of snacks or starters - crisps and whatever else

250 - sorry what?

BTW I'm not assuming everyone else meat. I'm vegan myself but lots of people aren't but I would not be paying 83 quid for a Christmas day dinner on any level. Not a chance

Createausername1970 · 26/12/2025 22:23

So it's going to cost you approx £80.

If you didn't discuss it this year beforehand then I feel you need to suck it up. From what you say she has shopped for it, it's her electricity to cook it, she has had extra faff around hosting you and your mum.

You on the other hand have had a nice day, helped with the cooking, no other faff and no debris to deal with.

If it were me, I think I would be happy to be contributing up to £80 towards the cost and have no faff. If you ate out next Christmas day, it probably wouldn't cost £80, but it would also just be a meal - nothing else. No cups of tea or spending time with your family.

But if you can't afford it then next year you should speak up and say you don't agree, or offer to host instead, or just don't go.

But this year, I think it's too late to move the goalposts at this point.

Roobarbtwo · 26/12/2025 22:33

Createausername1970 · 26/12/2025 22:23

So it's going to cost you approx £80.

If you didn't discuss it this year beforehand then I feel you need to suck it up. From what you say she has shopped for it, it's her electricity to cook it, she has had extra faff around hosting you and your mum.

You on the other hand have had a nice day, helped with the cooking, no other faff and no debris to deal with.

If it were me, I think I would be happy to be contributing up to £80 towards the cost and have no faff. If you ate out next Christmas day, it probably wouldn't cost £80, but it would also just be a meal - nothing else. No cups of tea or spending time with your family.

But if you can't afford it then next year you should speak up and say you don't agree, or offer to host instead, or just don't go.

But this year, I think it's too late to move the goalposts at this point.

They both shopped for it apparently. The mum also took stuff along. Do you think paying 83 quid for a meal in someone's house is worth it just because they used electricity to cook it and had "faff". I don't. Particularly because there was another adult in the mix. The sisters husband who hasn't been asked to pay a penny towards the cost.

I spent time with my family this year. Our food cost us 25 quid for three days. Too good to go. Takeaway. Stuff from a community pantry

Lets be real here - no one needs to spend 250 quid on food and booze. Particularly given that the OP had one alcoholic drink and subsidises the booze that's being bought. Gets no leftovers

Not a chance would I go to a relatives house and pay 80 quid for Christmas dinner - you can make a decent Christmas dinner for ten quid a head or less

This meal could have been done for 100-120 quid including booze. That's the bigger issue here.