Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

Is it really worth it ? ! For that amount .? And she's hosting ? Ridiculous. But do bring a Tupperware box with you and take enough for your dinner on Boxing Day .

I would split it by the number of people and then each person covers their share (so in their case they cover their family’s share). I don’t see why you should be subsidising everyone else.

She will still have had to do all the cleaning, all the organising, all the clean up afterwards. Washing and ironing tablecloths and napkins, sorting decorations, playing fridge and freezer jenga etc. People who never host always think hosting is easy and cheap, because they're completely unaware of what goes into it.

75% of the effort I put into hosting Christmas happens before the day and after everyone's gone home.

Each or split?

Personally for ease.... i'd say there are 4 adults i want it split 4 ways and I'd be taking leftovers home.
The booze and kids id ignore
The difference recognises the effort of hosting

£250 total isn't bad for Christmas dinner. Your sister is hosting and taking on the extra stress of that.

I think it should be split between the four adults. Your not getting a Christmas dinner and a glass of wine for anywhere near to £60 if you where to go to a restaurant for a day. Id also be bringing a tupperware dish for some left overs.

I get that to a point but I also did tons of clearing, washing up, building kids toys etc. We don't have a tablecloth or napkins.
I dont think hosting is easy but I am a really good guest, I do loads.

I think I'll just say can we split it between the four adults

I wouldn’t even suggest, if you know her bank details I’d transfer her your share and send her a text saying I’ve transferred my share of the Christmas food, thanks for a lovely day. Then if she texts and says it’s short say no 1/4 of £250 is X which transferred.

Just split between the adults

So many ways you could split this.

If organising in advance then I’d probably suggest a fie way split. So you and mum pay £50 each, and that leaves sis and family with £150 (allowing for £50 per adult then, another £50 to cover both kids as one adult).

But as Christmas has passed I’d probably suck it up this year but let them know that I’d want to work things differently next year.

Bring dishes and own alcohol or don't drink

It’s a bit late to bring this up now when you knew the situation and still went.

There’s no way to avoid an argument given to here
That’s what I kinda had to learn last year or the year before avoiding conflict causes more conflict
So you might as well just face it head on and deal with it

Is that the whole total or just your share? If thats your share i suggest you and your mum make different arrangements next year as your sister is taking advantage. As a family of 5 my total food bill including 6 bottles of champagne was £280. The champagne and snacks are for new year to.

You’re quibbling about what 40 quid????

im no pushover but I’d just roll with this one for the sake of harmonious relationship. Of course if there’s many other issues and things an example I might take a stand. Or I might just get her and her partner and kids slightly less nice presents.

Get in first with the rationale, however you want to split it. Then the onus is on her to say why (for example) it is unfair that 4 adults each pay 25%, which is harder than agreeing.

If you leave it to her, you are the one in the position of going against the proposal.

How would I approach it @Blackcat54 may just be my approach but I would pay rather than bicker "post event".

You mention a few times that you "only had one drink" - is the alcohol the sticking point? Do you begrudge that element as that may be an area for future discussion if you are invited again?

They heated their home and offered the space. I personally feel it would be mean spirited to back track on previous agreements or approaches. Have the chat going forward. Simple?

Yes I agree with those suggesting you get ahead of it. Send her 1/4 of the cost and text her saying..: thanks so much for a lovely day, I’ve sent you money to cover my share of the costs. Look forward to seeing you soon.

It will be awkward for her to question / challenge you. If she does then it’s far easier for you to respond explaining the rationale.

I think 4 ways is fair. She gets the keep the leftovers as comp for hosting.

It should be split equally between 4. I wouldn't quibble about who ate and drank what, it's still pretty cheap for Christmas day and you didn't have to host.

I think it should be a food only bill that is split between 4 adults, and you each bring a bottle of your favourite booze to share. BUT this should be agreed BEFORE the event, not after the spending and hosting has been done. I think you just need to pay your third of the total this year and not mention anything about arrangements for next year until closer to the time (Oct/Nov or whenever it is you usually start making arrangements). Then make the suggestion about a 4 way food bill split and bring your own booze at a time in the future when it won't be perceieved as ungrateful for what you've just received. Even though you help out, just the task of tidying the house fit for visitors in advance when you have 2 kids to occupy is a mammoth undertaking, so I wouldn't even think about billing her for the kids food. See that as a hosting tax.

Hmm this is a tricky one. Your dsis should really only be asking for say £50 each from yourself and your DM, but as she is the one doing the cooking and the hosting and you say she is a difficult person, it will be very awkward to propose a different split.

I would ring the changes next year by suggesting that everyone just brings what they want to drink. But tbh £30 additional for family harmony doesn’t seem too bad.

If you don’t drink next year ask to only split the food costs and for the alcohol costs to be kept separate only for those drinking.

Splitting between the 4 adults seems more reasonable.

You should probably suck it up this year, it's bad form to bring it up after the fact when you knew what her expectation would be.

This.