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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not text my Mum every morning!

423 replies

MenopausalMrs · 26/12/2025 00:02

My Mum has been over today for Christmas dinner.

During dinner she said that she feels that I should text her every morning to check in that she is okay. For context, she has no health issues at all, but she is on her own and has been since my dad died in 2020.

I responded that I am a single parent who works full time and needs to get kids to school, packed lunches /myself ready etc and could she just text me instead.

She was annoyed about this and said it literally takes seconds to send a text, even sending one to me to demonstrate! She also mentioned that her friend’s children check in on them twice a day…

At this point I did lose my shit a bit because she wasn’t understanding that what for her is a second is another thing for me to remember to do in the morning, when she has nothing to do at all.

I’m so upset that apparently I am unreasonable when I don’t think I am… she’s supposed to be coming tomorrow but I just want to tell her not to.

Just feel like a shit person right now…

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 26/12/2025 00:04

I ring my DM every morning (well and DF as they are together in the same house). Just a little check in, they appreciate it. A text would be even quicker so I don't see the issue.

Christmas2025 · 26/12/2025 00:04

She needs to get some friends. You're not her substitute partner now she's single. I text my mum about 3 or 4 times a year, we're not close. She likes to make me feel like I'm a shit person too. I'm not, she just likes to be centered and gets the hump if she isn't. Which is why I rarely see her.

Seawolves · 26/12/2025 00:06

I don't think that's a realistic expectation on your mum's part.

outerspacepotato · 26/12/2025 00:06

Mornings as a single parent are packed and busy. You have to prioritize your kids.

Your mom is being selfish, sorry, but you need to tell her you are not going to be texting her daily. Your brain has enough to deal with and she's trying to add more brain work on you.

Just don't do it. You have priorities as a single parent.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/12/2025 00:06

She needs to grow up, she can text you every morning if she feels like it, she isn't your dependant and I find a request like this really rude.

Frozensun · 26/12/2025 00:09

I suppose it depends on why she’s asking. To keep up with her friends? I found that with my mother, it was a form of trying to exert control. I didn’t buy into it. I’m now a grandmother, I can’t see why she couldn’t text you daily if she’s concerned 🤷🏻‍♀️

DeepBlueDeer · 26/12/2025 00:11

TomatoSandwiches · 26/12/2025 00:06

She needs to grow up, she can text you every morning if she feels like it, she isn't your dependant and I find a request like this really rude.

This, but also you could passively aggressively pander by downloading an app that automatically sends timed, recurring texts on a daily basis.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/12/2025 00:13

Tink3rbell30 · 26/12/2025 00:04

I ring my DM every morning (well and DF as they are together in the same house). Just a little check in, they appreciate it. A text would be even quicker so I don't see the issue.

Same tho email

I email my dad every night before bed - he’s deaf so email is easier

takes seconds

bigboykitty · 26/12/2025 00:15

Not a chance I would do this OP. How manipulative.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/12/2025 00:18

Ridiculous.

your Mum has been a widow for 5 years, why does she want this now ?

SmileyMoonset · 26/12/2025 00:18

I understand why you feel like this is another entirely unnecessary thing to add to your already busy day, I also understand my your Mum might want/need this.

A widowed friend of my parents died last year and wasn’t found for nearly a week. It was very upsetting and my Mum found the thought particularly frightening.

Both my parents are fairly healthy but when the time comes that one of them is alone I know I’ll be checking in at some point every day. My DH certainly speaks to my MIL every day.

Could you compromise - make check in time at lunchtime ? Or have her text you every morning, so you know she’s ok and then you reply.

Itiswhysofew · 26/12/2025 00:18

I text my DM everyday and speak to her every other day or more.

I don't think it's difficult to send a quick morning text. Maybe something has happened to her that you're unaware of?

SouthernNights59 · 26/12/2025 00:22

I phoned my DM every morning and evening for years, and also phoned my DF every evening for a few years.

I get that you are busy, but surely a quick text when you wake up only takes seconds.

Original poster
MenopausalMrs · 26/12/2025 00:23

SmileyMoonset · 26/12/2025 00:18

I understand why you feel like this is another entirely unnecessary thing to add to your already busy day, I also understand my your Mum might want/need this.

A widowed friend of my parents died last year and wasn’t found for nearly a week. It was very upsetting and my Mum found the thought particularly frightening.

Both my parents are fairly healthy but when the time comes that one of them is alone I know I’ll be checking in at some point every day. My DH certainly speaks to my MIL every day.

Could you compromise - make check in time at lunchtime ? Or have her text you every morning, so you know she’s ok and then you reply.

I did say why doesn’t she text me every
morning but that wasn’t acceptable I had to be the one to text her…

OP posts:
saraclara · 26/12/2025 00:27

I'm 70. I live alone. My own mother lived alone when she had the massive stroke that disabled her for life. She was only found (12 hours later) by complete chance. By then it was too late to prevent her stroke damaging her so badly. But if course she could have died and not be done for days or weeks.

I have become increasingly fearful of something like this happening to me. I would love to ask my DDs to check in on me each day, but I don't feel that I can.

I'm reasonably healthy at this point, so having one of those alarms seems overkill. But it's a very real anxiety, and your mum is obviously feeling that too.

saraclara · 26/12/2025 00:30

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/12/2025 00:18

Ridiculous.

your Mum has been a widow for 5 years, why does she want this now ?

I've been a widow for 14 years. I've only been feeling this for the last year. I'm 14 years older and becoming aware of the increased risk involved at my age.

Gymnopedie · 26/12/2025 00:33

I get that you are busy, but surely a quick text when you wake up only takes seconds.

takes seconds

Well if it only takes seconds why does the DM not do it?

Livingmybestlifenow · 26/12/2025 00:33

I guess, other than adding to your already very busy mornings, part of the issue here for me would be, if I text at say 9am every morning, how long am I supposed to wait for a reply before I panic and go round, or call 999 for a welfare check?

SmileyMoonset · 26/12/2025 00:35

saraclara · 26/12/2025 00:30

I've been a widow for 14 years. I've only been feeling this for the last year. I'm 14 years older and becoming aware of the increased risk involved at my age.

Show quote history

You should speak to your daughters and explain your fears. I’m sure they’d understand (even if lots of people on this thread don’t seem to) Most of my friends with widowed/single parents check in with them regularly.

DreamTheMoors · 26/12/2025 00:36

I phoned my mum every day for over 20 years.

I did it because I loved her - checking in to make sure she was okay hadn’t occurred to me until this thread haha.

I think once she didn’t answer and I had to find someone to check on her, but now I wonder if my daily calls weren’t annoying to her, rather than reassuring.

BauhausOfEliott · 26/12/2025 00:38

Tink3rbell30 · 26/12/2025 00:04

I ring my DM every morning (well and DF as they are together in the same house). Just a little check in, they appreciate it. A text would be even quicker so I don't see the issue.

That’s fine if you want to do it. But there is no reason a normal, healthy adult of any age needs to speak to their adult children every single day. The OP isn’t responsible for her mother’s mental health and it won’t help her mother to make her more obsessive and dependent.

TeaRoseTallulah · 26/12/2025 00:42

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/12/2025 00:18

Ridiculous.

your Mum has been a widow for 5 years, why does she want this now ?

Perhaps she's feeling increasingly vulnerable as she's getting older? Perhaps suggest a sensor which will alert help if there's no motion during sunset time? I think suggesting she texts you is a good idea. If I didn't have a daily text from my mum I would be concerned,it takes seconds to check in.

hulahooper2 · 26/12/2025 00:43

yabu , anything could happen to your mum living alone , if you contact her and get no response you’ll know somethings wrong, and she will be assured someone is checking in on her . I wish I still had my mum to do a quick daily check in with.

Meadowfinch · 26/12/2025 00:43

She has forgotten what the morning school rush is like. It sounds like she's been talking to her friend, and is feeling hard done by in comparison. That is not your problem.

Just ignore her stropping about it. When they go back to school, go back to your usual routine and don't mention it again. You've said it's unrealistic, and the subject is closed.

Eenameenadeeka · 26/12/2025 00:43

I don't think you have to txt every morning if it feels too much for you, but I wonder if she's feeling anxious or something if she thinks that is necessary.
I also wouldn't uninvite her over it.

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