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Original poster

To not text my Mum every morning!

423 replies

MenopausalMrs · 26/12/2025 00:02

My Mum has been over today for Christmas dinner.

During dinner she said that she feels that I should text her every morning to check in that she is okay. For context, she has no health issues at all, but she is on her own and has been since my dad died in 2020.

I responded that I am a single parent who works full time and needs to get kids to school, packed lunches /myself ready etc and could she just text me instead.

She was annoyed about this and said it literally takes seconds to send a text, even sending one to me to demonstrate! She also mentioned that her friend’s children check in on them twice a day…

At this point I did lose my shit a bit because she wasn’t understanding that what for her is a second is another thing for me to remember to do in the morning, when she has nothing to do at all.

I’m so upset that apparently I am unreasonable when I don’t think I am… she’s supposed to be coming tomorrow but I just want to tell her not to.

Just feel like a shit person right now…

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 26/12/2025 15:24

I personally find this quite manipulative. My mum is 90 and I don’t text her every day and she has never asked me to. She does have a lifeline though which she pays a subscription for and she can raise an alert on a bracelet and wears all the time in the case of a fall or her feeling unwell. They then either alert my brother or sister who live near her.

why does your mum think you should do this? Just because her friends children do? Even if it just takes a few seconds it is still another task for a single parent who already has a load of tasks to do. I think you should say no you can’t do that. Did she contact her mum every day when she was your age?

treesocks23 · 26/12/2025 15:38

My thoughts would also be is this literally a ‘Hi Mum, all ok this morning?’ And her responding with ‘yes all good, it’s a bit nippy today though!’ Or something similar and she just wants you to text for reassurance
OR - the version I suspect would be she then sends a question back and maybe another, so you’re then in a conversation that you also need to make sure you respond to as well as the initial message.

Do you think it is just a daily check in she wants? Or constant convos and texts?

Christmas2025 · 26/12/2025 15:42

Pumpkinmagic · 26/12/2025 15:03

She’s not single though is she. She is widowed. You aren’t close to your Mum. The OP is as spends Christmas Day with her Mum. Of course you should check on your elders frequently with a text / call especially ones who are widowed.

Show quote history

Why? In what way is widowed different to being single, in terms of someone being there? My mother is actually widowed and has been for decades. It makes no difference. Widowed is a marital status, single is a relationship status. It's the same thing in the context of this thread ie the woman has no partner.

I also usually see my mother Christmas Day, it's not because we're close! It's because she's there with other family I usually see. To say the OP is close to her mum because they spend Christmas together is ridiculous. OPs mother sounds like a demanding, manipulative person who the OP is not especially close to and has a relationship with at least in part out of duty.

I have no obligation to check on my mother, I'm actually in worse health than she is and at greater risk of death, I don't see her feeling any obligation to check on me daily (thank goodness! Would drive me nuts).

Soony · 26/12/2025 15:42

DreamTheMoors · 26/12/2025 00:36

I phoned my mum every day for over 20 years.

I did it because I loved her - checking in to make sure she was okay hadn’t occurred to me until this thread haha.

I think once she didn’t answer and I had to find someone to check on her, but now I wonder if my daily calls weren’t annoying to her, rather than reassuring.

Same. Started when I had children, just a quick check in and a word about what the children were up to. Every day around 5pm. When she died it took me years to stop heading for the phone at tea time.

A lot depends on her health really, how old is she? If it's not something you've done before there probably will come a time when you will want to keep more of an eye on her but I don't see how a text achieves that anyway.

MumChp · 26/12/2025 15:45

MenopausalMrs · 26/12/2025 00:23

I did say why doesn’t she text me every
morning but that wasn’t acceptable I had to be the one to text her…

Show quote history

I had laughed and said you first my dear. And laughed a bit more.
No way I would txt a fit mother every morning.

CoastalCalm · 26/12/2025 15:48

I message mine in similar situation - takes seconds just to say Morning

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 15:53

saraclara · 26/12/2025 00:27

I'm 70. I live alone. My own mother lived alone when she had the massive stroke that disabled her for life. She was only found (12 hours later) by complete chance. By then it was too late to prevent her stroke damaging her so badly. But if course she could have died and not be done for days or weeks.

I have become increasingly fearful of something like this happening to me. I would love to ask my DDs to check in on me each day, but I don't feel that I can.

I'm reasonably healthy at this point, so having one of those alarms seems overkill. But it's a very real anxiety, and your mum is obviously feeling that too.

I was thinking along these lines. I don't know how old the OP"s mother is but older people living alone can be afraid of dying and nobody noticing for days. It doesn't have to be a long conversation just a check in.

Tink3rbell30 · 26/12/2025 15:58

Some very cold replies. I know parent and child relationships vary in closeness and care but there's no excuse for not checking in when it would be so quick to do.

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 16:01

MyBrightPeer · 26/12/2025 13:52

The fact that she won’t text you every morning and expects it to be you means it’s not about checking she’s alright, it’s about attention.

If she'd had a stroke or died in the night she wouldn't be able to do it would she. I believe that's what this is about as I know lots of people who did this for their parents. I would appreciate something similar if I lived alone.

MyBrightPeer · 26/12/2025 16:05

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 16:01

If she'd had a stroke or died in the night she wouldn't be able to do it would she. I believe that's what this is about as I know lots of people who did this for their parents. I would appreciate something similar if I lived alone.

Show quote history

Yes and at that point when you haven’t received the daily message, you raise the alarm. It would be the same situation if the daughter was texting every morning because if the mum had died, she wouldn’t reply either.

WalkDontWalk · 26/12/2025 16:05

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/12/2025 00:18

Ridiculous.

your Mum has been a widow for 5 years, why does she want this now ?

Well, yeah, that's a good question, isn't it? One that might be worth asking.

I8toys · 26/12/2025 16:09

YANBU - she needs her own hobbies, her own friends and her own life. You are not her partner. Ignore the guilt tripping.

HelenaWilson · 26/12/2025 16:10

If she'd had a stroke or died in the night she wouldn't be able to do it would she.

Well that's the whole point, isn't it. If op didn't get a text, she'd have reason to think something might be wrong and do something about it.

op sending a text doesn't tell her anything about how her mum is.

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 16:15

WalkDontWalk · 26/12/2025 16:05

Well, yeah, that's a good question, isn't it? One that might be worth asking.

Show quote history

Because she feels she's getting older presumably

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 16:17

HelenaWilson · 26/12/2025 16:10

If she'd had a stroke or died in the night she wouldn't be able to do it would she.

Well that's the whole point, isn't it. If op didn't get a text, she'd have reason to think something might be wrong and do something about it.

op sending a text doesn't tell her anything about how her mum is.

I don't think a text is the way to go. Just a quick phone call. I know people whose parents died suddenly in the night after showing no sign of illness.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 26/12/2025 16:20

Yanbu.

my dad lives alone and I do like to check in and make sure he’s ok as he’s not in great health. But certainly not EVERY morning!

Mornings are generally very busy with kids and getting ready, then straight into work. Remembering to send a text every day is just another thing to add to the stress and mental load.

I text when I actually have something to say, or when I think it’s been a few days and wonder how he is. I don’t want our communication to turn into a meaningless obligation.

He also initiates texts or calls if he wants to. No idea why it should be a one way street!

Chiaseedling · 26/12/2025 16:30

She should probably wear an alert bracelet or necklace.
Even if you texted at 8am she could theoretically fall at 8.30am so it’s not foolproof.
If it’s more about keeping in touch daily then that’s different.

Dragonfly97 · 26/12/2025 16:33

Me & my sister had this with my dad after mum died; we phoned him every morning between us, nearly drove us crackers.

Of course it didn't work both ways; he would never ring us, and often went off on coach trips with his friends without telling us, so we worried where he was. And then he'd get arsey when we told him he had to tell us if he was going away. In the end we told him it wasn't feasible to be ringing him first thing every morning, and as he never rings us, we hear from him once a week, if that. We were constantly being lectured that we weren't doing enough for him ( I could write a list of the stuff we did for him & mum, when she was alive, and we were still treated with disdain) and how his friend "has 4 daughters and doesn't have to lift a finger". He's nearly 93, out with his friends every week, very little interest in his family, never sees us at Christmas (his choice, spends it with his friends), and only wants us when he has a health issue.

After the way he's treated me I won't be putting myself out for him any more.

WalkDontWalk · 26/12/2025 16:34

HelenaWilson · 26/12/2025 16:10

If she'd had a stroke or died in the night she wouldn't be able to do it would she.

Well that's the whole point, isn't it. If op didn't get a text, she'd have reason to think something might be wrong and do something about it.

op sending a text doesn't tell her anything about how her mum is.

That does rather hand the initiative to the mother though.

”Well, I didn’t text you this morning, and what happened? Nothing! Absolutely damn-all! I could be lying for hours in pain at the bottom of the stairs for all you knew!”

Twistern · 26/12/2025 16:36

I am always investing in my friendships in my 50s, even when I’m not completely in the mood. I hope that if I am in my 70s or 80s, that I will have a good network
of friends and we can check in on each other. I’m very close to my young adult children, but I absolutely do not want to become a burden on them if possible.

I hope to maintain a community of friends and only want to bother my kids when absolutely necessary. I really hope never to ask them to just check on me every day. What a hassle for busy younger people! If they want to call me for a chat or support, that is obviously more than fine of course.

Nanof8 · 26/12/2025 16:42

I text my mom every morning
Some mornings she has texted me first
My daughter texts me most every morning
If you are having trouble finding the time to text her
Take your phone with you to the bathroom and text her while you are in there.

Purpleandredandyellow · 26/12/2025 16:48

Suggest that she just come over every morning and help get the kids up and out the door thus fulfilling two needs - the checkin and some actual help for you!

MrFluffyDogIsMyBestFriend · 26/12/2025 16:57

Well humans aren't meant to be alone...we're meant to live in small tribes caring for each other. Being alone, without the tribe would have meant danger and probably death and our primitive brain still reacts in the same way it would have. Maybe you don't feel the same OP but I find that I'm always on edge when I'm alone because my health is a bit fragile. She's scared she'll collapse and won't be found for days. She would probably never tell you that though because most people hide their emotions and become defensive.

hellololabells2019 · 26/12/2025 18:46

I ask my mum to message me every morning. She’s on her own. It doesn’t take anything away from my day (mum of 4 and in full time work). You are being unreasonable.

Gymnopedie · 26/12/2025 18:51

hellololabells2019 · 26/12/2025 18:46

I ask my mum to message me every morning. She’s on her own. It doesn’t take anything away from my day (mum of 4 and in full time work). You are being unreasonable.

You've missed a critical difference there.

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