Husband decided he’s not coming to my family’s for Christmas just because he wants a day to himself at home.

[Puggymummy19]

Aibu to make him come?!
he says he can’t be bothered with the chaos, kids and just wants to be alone at home.
he’s not depressed or anything like this just being anti social.
would you care?
to add we only live round the corner, I said please just come for the dinner at least but won’t even do that

He’s suggesting leaving you to look after the kids on a day when presumably they’ll be wildly overexcited and hyper on sugar?
Fuck that.

Oh gosh.

What’s the context?

Yeah this

I'm not sure how you'd "make him come" even though he's being ridiculously unhelpful.
Maybe just get through the day and deal with this later, there's clearly a bigger problem here than just one day?

It's crap but I think making him come would probably make the day worse if he doesn't want to be there. Leave him to it and have a nice day with your family.

Buckle up OP, something not right here.

Who does this? He doesn't want to support you? Be with his DC? He usually gets on with your parents? And you're absolutely sure he isn't depressed?

no Context really! We have one child, but large family so it’s all the chaos of the nieces and nephews He’s actually a great husband and dad, and not in anyway lazy at all.. just wants a day to himself, I just think it’s weird and family will probably assume something is up.

I don't think it's weird to want that, but a bit weird to actually follow through.

I’d quite like to just opt-out of Christmas too, tbh. A day alone sounds bliss. Can’t decide if your husband is unreasonable or I’m jealous.

Really no bigger problem he just doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal

I would care that my husband can't behave like a polite human being for a few hours.

And - I'm not proud of this- but if I were hosting I'd be mildly offended that he rejected my hospitality and family for a few selfish hours.

But I wouldn't make him go.

I mean, I wouldn't stop him doing that but I would probably be ending things afterwards. I couldn't be with a selfish man.

He needs to be a grown up and go for the full day.

If he doesn’t like big chaotic Christmases I can understand that, but a) the time to say so was ages ago when you made the plan to go, and b) if you and DC both enjoy it then he should suck it up and go IMO.

I cant blame him really
Let him do what he wants.

All these demands and expectations need to go away.

Why cant you be the one to stay at home, have a relaxing bath and ignore all the chaos?

You can't make him come, I wouldn't protect him either, people will think poorly of him but that's his problem.
Go and enjoy your extended family, your son will benefit from it.

If they are his kids/step kids then I wouldnt be happy about being left to deal with them but if there are loads of other kids going to be there or they are horrible kids then I have sympathy with him - I used to refuse to go to my ex-SILs as her kids were absolute terrors and used to quite often try to bully and hurt our kids so he used to go to his sister's on his own and me and the kids stayed at home. There were times when I felt like staying home alone but when you have kids it isn't an option!!!

Perhaps she likes the chaos of a family Christmas.

Leave him at home, does he tend to struggle in big groups or find the noise hard to deal with?

Why cant you be the one to stay at home, have a relaxing bath and ignore all the chaos?

Because it's her family?

OP, how often do you have Christmas at home just the three of you?

Nope he’s very much happy in those situations, and definitely an extrovert

Which day is he taking the kids so you get a lovely day at home all to yourself ?

if he’s happy with doing that then I think it’s OK. if he’s if after a child free day and isn’t prepared to reciprocate then absolutely not!

Some people really don’t cope well with the big chaotic family Christmas and if he’s one of them then it’s OK - though he REALLY should have talked to you about this earlier . Maybe figure out if you can do something quieter as a family in future years that he’s happy to be part of, or if he just wants to opt out of Christmas Day completely from now on.

What’s the chaos really like? Will everyone fit around the table at one sitting? Are there enough seats in the living room for everyone? How annoying are the children?

Never have but feel like daughter would miss out being an only child