Husband decided he’s not coming to my family’s for Christmas just because he wants a day to himself at home.

[Puggymummy19]

Aibu to make him come?!
he says he can’t be bothered with the chaos, kids and just wants to be alone at home.
he’s not depressed or anything like this just being anti social.
would you care?
to add we only live round the corner, I said please just come for the dinner at least but won’t even do that

I would be pissed off, however a part of me does understand his feelings

I don't blame him. My DS has left home and Im not going anywhere or visiting anyone. I. Having a wonderful day on .y own doing what I want and eating an M&S ready meal. I can't stand the ridiculous hype of it all just for one day.

For everyone? So no one has to bother at all? How is that going to work?

you don't get to randomly 'opt out' of being part of a family because you cba, he made that deal the day he signed the marriage contract and put a baby in you. we all have to do shit we don't want to do, it's hardly an enormous burden to eat, drink and be merry

He’s having an affair

Not everyone is a Christian. And my religion has been here longer than yours.

He’s a selfish fuckwit. He can have a lazy day to himself any old day of the year.

I'd absolutely laugh in DH's face if he suggested this. Not that it would cross his mind anyway, because he's not an inconsiderate, selfish dick.

Yeah, you spend the day sitting on your arse mate, whilst I spend it trying to awkwardly explain to your own daughter and in-laws why you can't be arsed to put in the bare minimum effort on Christmas Day of all days.

Only one is his…

I am genuinely surprised how many people seem to think announcing you aren't going to a family Christmas the day before, when you've been catered for and you would be spending the day with your wife and child, is acceptable!
The time to decline an invitation is when it is made, or at the very least give some notice to the hosts rather than just not show up. This is not a normal thing to do, particularly when OP says he is normally fine with being sociable!

I would tell everyone he is ill. I would then refuse to visit his family and see how he likes it. There are only 3 of us for Christmas Day as it’s my daughter’s mother in-laws turn to visit. I come from a very large family but after my mother died in her 40s it all fell apart. She was the one who would invite all her sisters and brother to her house for Christmas. I tried to do the same but gave up when I saw it was very one sided and nobody ever invited me back. I miss the large family gatherings and envy people who have loads of people for Christmas dinner. However I will enjoy Christmas Day with my small family.

He should go. He’s a grown up. If he develops a tactical migraine after dinner, fine….or turns up a bit late because‘something needed fixing’ again all good. Could that be a compromise to give him some peace. It’s weird though, sorry, but it is.

No one can chose to have a day to themselves on 25 December. Tell him to go out on his own tomorrow. What about your DC? Surely he should be there for them? Maybe next year you could have a quieter day?

He’s very selfish. Don’t make excuses for him, let him explain himself. Very rude.

Not read full thread yet. Is he having an affair? Whether he is or not, he’s a massive dick of a man-child.

Oh behold another selfish man who puts his own wants and needs before his family

bad form if he cannot even duck it up for a few hours

if he was as proper caring dad and partner, who also desperately wanted some quiet time, he would just go for a bit, talk to everyone and say how lovely to see them, then say he is a bit tired and go back home with a cuppa

he could at least make a bit of an effort for your sake

He’s U not to attend at the last minute, that’s really rude. Even if not it’s putting you in a difficult position with your family.

With your update he’s more U since you say he rarely spends time with your family.

That said, if you always go to your family for Christmas because it’s your preference, when he’d prefer not to, that’s not great.

Totally understand wanting it, but you don't do it! It's Christmas Day, it's all planned, he's been invited and accepted, they're expecting him, his meal is catered, kids are going to be there... you don't just decide you're opting out because you don't feel like it. It's rude, selfish, antisocial and potentially incredibly hurtful. What a graceless twat.

Are you expected to spend time with his family?
You shouldnt be the one to be compromising all the time yet you dint want a situation where you stop interacting with each others family.
He needs to see this.

Was with you until this. Your DD might love a quiet family Christmas with just the attention from mum and dad and he clearly would also love a little family Christmas at some point. Maybe try it next year.

That said he is still being a selfish fucker cancelling now

Years ago I was chatting with a woman in her 90s. It was shortly after Christmas and I asked her what she'd done for Christmas. She said she'd gone to the Salvation Army Christmas lunch which they held every year for people with nowhere to go for Christmas.

I was really shocked as I knew she had 4 children living locally, plus multiple adult grandchildren and some great grandchildren. I couldn't believe none of them had invited her. She reassured me that shed had several invites, but couldn't stand the mess and chaos, but to mention the noise, and so has told the SA that she had nowhere to go.

She said it was great. A lovely man came and collected her, she had a civilized meal, nice chat, and was taken home again. Apparently she'd been doing it for a few years!

That said, your dh is being selfish. It's one thing to opt out of Christmas when you're in your 90s, it's completely different when you've got a young child.

He needs to suck it up this year, but next year maybe you should do a quiet Christmas for just the three of you.

Personally even from first child we chose to have our own family Christmas then join others for a tea/supper it's great make own family memories so I get it tbh

I think we all would, wouldn’t we. I have DC who is ND and will be majorly overstimulated by events going on today. We’ve been invited to my parents too so they will be dragged away from all of their toys. Ah well at least it’s acceptable to have a drink at 3pm 🤦‍♀️.

OP I think it’s pretty selfish of your husband, but I can see why he would want to. The fact he will follow through with it makes me worry though and my family would definitely know something was up unless my husband was ill.

Has he never in all his years of marriage had a relaxing day of his choosing ? Always had to fit in with your family of origin? You're his family btw. Im team DH. He left it a bit late to tell you but it sounds like your priorities lie with the house down the road. When does it get to be his turn ?