Husband decided he’s not coming to my family’s for Christmas just because he wants a day to himself at home.

[Puggymummy19]

Aibu to make him come?!
he says he can’t be bothered with the chaos, kids and just wants to be alone at home.
he’s not depressed or anything like this just being anti social.
would you care?
to add we only live round the corner, I said please just come for the dinner at least but won’t even do that

Ah well at least it’s acceptable to have a drink at 3pm

3pm??? I'm planning on opening the champagne at 12!

What are the chances that a henpecked, victimised, poor little man who never, ever, ever got to have a day to himself in all his years of marriage because his wife and family are so domineering and terrible suddenly managed to find the courage to demand his first one ever on Christmas Day when his meal is prepared and everyone is expecting him?

Most British people are not practicing Christians and i very much doubt most of them have seen the inside of a church for years. I think the UK is more agnostic or atheist. Christmas is really based on our even older pagan roots

If you want a quiet Christmas by yourself, you don’t have kids. Plus why not say this earlier before your family bought enough food to accommodate the self centred git.

This is fair, and if that’s what he wanted he had plenty of opportunity to say so in advance. He clearly did not want this as he has gone along with plans and then is trying to duck out last minute so it’s too late for the OP to cancel and he gets a day to himself. He even said that’s what he wanted. So it’s not about him wanting Christmas at home with his family, he even said this himself and you’re still defending him?

He isn't stopping you going! But the fact he knows them, and presumably likes them, but is avoiding them on Christmas Day even for a couple of hours would make me curious.

What will his excuse be NYE or other days? Are you seeing them every day over the festive period?

Maybe he just wants Christmas with his wife and child. He doesn't need anyone else. Your dd can see them another day. It seems for you, its not enough to be at home with your dh and child.

You don't have to be there all day? Just go for an hour and push off again. Unless it's been planned forever, you have no food at home. If so, this year he goes, next year, at home?

What were his family Christmases like?

I think this might be the key.

My husband has opted out of attending family things, he’s generally thought
of as miserable, and is.
An ex boyfriend refused to come to a cousins baby’s Christening once, that was the end of us really, and I realised how odd he was.
Shame I haven’t done the same and extricated myself from my current life

Honestly I would love that, but driving around until then!!

Enjoy your day and the champagne. Currently have a bottle of something fizzy which has been chilling in the fridge since Sunday! 🥂

I use to take my kids to my mums, he went to his family by himself, as I couldn’t stand his family he couldn’t stand mine. Kids had a choice but always chose my mums.
sounds like you should do Xmas at yours next year.

You’d think so wouldn’t you. Except this person also wants all the comfort and security of being part of a family, being cared about, belonging. He’s a passenger and its obnoxious.

How did it go, OP?

I actually don't think he was unreasonable - I wouldn't want to spend every single Christmas Day with my in-laws either, and I suspect if this thread was from a woman saying she didn't want to go to her in-laws for once, she would be praised to hell for it.

Just to update you all he did come and had a great time in the end

I’m so pleased OP! No lie but I was thinking about you today and hoping that he would pull his finger out 😆

Thanks for your update OP. Nice to know a good time was had by all!

So what was it all about? A Christmas mantrum?

Did he explain why he wanted to stay at home? I found this so odd given you say he’s an extrovert and you have dc!

If he's generally very good and supportive I would give him an out.
Some days we need a quiet one.

Sure, but not Christmas Day when you’ve got kids. Perhaps OP also fancies a quiet one. Not really an options is it?

@Puggymummy19 did you get to the bottom of this unnecessary drama? Telling you on Christmas Eve he wouldn’t be coming to a family gathering is one way to spoil the evening. Has he apologised? It would be good to find out his reasoning so maybe next year you may decide to have a Christmas at home. He doesn’t sound like he has any family of his own.

I’d be devastated if my husband did not want to join in with a family Christmas Day celebration.

he better clean the house up and put a wash on then if he gets to slob around. he will do it all boxing day

enough of twats enjoy your day

Tell him he can have another day alone then he can do the same for you . This is a bad thing to start from
him I would say !