Husband decided he’s not coming to my family’s for Christmas just because he wants a day to himself at home.

[Puggymummy19]

Aibu to make him come?!
he says he can’t be bothered with the chaos, kids and just wants to be alone at home.
he’s not depressed or anything like this just being anti social.
would you care?
to add we only live round the corner, I said please just come for the dinner at least but won’t even do that

Great way to put it!

Quite!

So he won’t be spending Christmas with his wife and child because he can’t be arsed?! He doesn’t sound like a great partner…

That is in a planned and agreed way

this is turning around Christmas Eve and saying “I don’t think I’m gonna follow through with our plans, I’m gonna leave you to it”

Do you enjoy time with his family? If not this is your pass forever more.
Next time he says right we are off to my parents/relatives this weekend - and you don't want to. You reply no, you and dd are going. I'm having a day to myself. And stick to it and do something enjoyable, not extra laundry or sorting out the kitchen cupboards. Make it very clear. There's no oh but i thought . . . No. This is it.

So go and enjoy time with your family. Be honest with them that he sprung it on you that he wanted the day to himself and do not make excuses for him. If he's there under duress it will not be a pleasant time for you either.

Merry Christmas. Hope you have a lovely day 🎅🎄

Exactly this. The desperation for the OP to want to spend all day at her parents house with her siblings and nieces and nephews, when they live around the corner, rather than spend the day in her OWN HOME with her husband and their daughter is bizarre.

And yet HE is the one in the wrong, according to her, and many posters?

Batshit.

He’s definitely selfish

In YOUR opinion.

In MY opinion it's the OP who is selfish, trying to drag her husband to her family's house around the corner for Christmas day, instead of spending it in her own home with her husband!

Why does everyone who enjoys a large extended family Christmas use the argument that it’s just one day and the person that doesn’t want it should suck it up. That argument works both ways, why can’t you suck it up and have a quiet Christmas at home if it’s ‘just one day’.

I can’t believe how many parents put themselves before their kids on Xmas day.

He can suck it up for 1 day.

If you’re there for like 12 hours or something silly then you can discuss about going for shorter next year or him leaving earlier etc but he doesn’t just get to ditch his responsibilities when he has a kid.

If you get to the point that you don’t care that your dh doesn’t want to spend Christmas Day with you and your child then frankly, you’re the one who has a very strange idea of what a healthy relationship is.

My Dh would never (after 20 year marriage and 4 dc’s and many Christmases both just us and with family) want to be apart from us and neither would I want to.

People on here are laughable the way they try to justify their frankly weird ideas about what having a family means and stick up for men’s selfish arsehole behaviour.

OP - you are not wrong to be upset that your dh doesn’t want to spend Christmas with you and your dc at your family’s house after he has already agreed to it.

And as I said before - bowing out on Christmas Eve with no excuse other than “I can’t be arsed” is properly lame and I’d think there was something very strange going on with my Dh as it would be so out of character.

Is your relationship generally good at the moment?

Because they have a quiet day of just the 3 of them every other day of the year?

He said he does not - in the OP's title "he wants a day to himself at home" - he's not asked OP for Christmas at home just the 3 of them.

My dad was like this. He preferred to opt-out of everything - even celebrations for us kids.

Instead, he attended and sat by himself and spoke only when spoken to and made everybody else uncomfortable in his presence.

Oh - and he drank. Not to excess, but still.

If this is how your husband is, leave the bastard at home and the rest of you can count yourselves lucky.

Merry Christmas to all. 🎄❤️

No, he was the same way about birthdays and anything on any day that required any effort. He was a completely absent parent. And I don't think this is just 'not liking Christmas' - it's about letting people down. It's leaving other people to sort the cooking, noise, mess, socialising and all the 'irritating' bits of Christmas Day that nobody really likes but they do because they try to make it a nice day for others. It says "I don't care, that's your job."

Exaclty. WTF is this obsession some people have about having to be at someone else's house for Christmas day? And why stay all day at someone's house who lives around the corner?

I feel sorry for the husband. I bet he finds it difficult to not be railroaded into the OP's 'family events.' 🙄

People have different relationships to yours, you know. Do you have very strict ideas about what a marriage is? It’s nice to have individuality and know your own mind

Then he should have discussed it sooner rather than bail out at the last minute

OP said his child will really miss him

completely selfish

Or maybe the OP's husband wants to - ya know - spend the day IN HIS OWN HOME, with his wife and daugher! As @LadyKenya what a bastard eh?

#sarcasm 🙄

Ah, I get you. No, that sucks. My father wasn't like that at all, but our family situation was unusual in that we were a very small family anyway and he was a very hands on parent. It was only our Christmas that was non-traditional, birthdays he was always there!

No she said he wants the day to himself - without his wife and child

OP, as an only child I never missed out on anything if Christmas was just me and my parents. Perhaps your dh would prefer Christmas just the three of you.

Probably said yes to begin with for a quiet life, and because he was getting his head pecked ... Then he thought 'nah fuck it.' Don't blame him. I wouldn't wanna be dragged to someone's house all day for Chrismtas day either, when they live around the corner and I see them all the fecking time!

I did say maybe. Who knows, that could be precisely what he really wants, but knows that it might be pointless suggesting such a thing, seeing as how fixed on going the OP seems to be.

Glad it's just me and my husband, no kids and relatives either dead or in other countries.👍
That said, the husband here has presumably chosen to have a family and knew his wife's relatives as well.
So it's a McShame, but he ought to go.