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AIBU?

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Original poster

He asked me for a handjob 5 days after giving birth.

231 replies

mondaystuesdays · 23/12/2025 18:23

im new here, sorry this is in the wrong place i see posts here seem to get loads of traffic and could do with advice. please be kind though

i have a 5 day old baby boy. He was unplanned but he is loved. I don’t have family support and as a result I live in temporary accommodation by the council with baby. I split up with his dad before he was born but last week we met up and we agreed to get back together. Baby was then born on Thursday and he’s been supportive and staying over since Saturday as we got home Saturday morning.

we’ve just been bonding with him tbh but today I felt more myself and comfortable and we took him for a short walk. Baby was asleep when we got home and I was just resting too as I’ve been worrying about baby not waking up for a feed so I’ve not been resting when he’s been sleeping (google says it’s normal though)

Bf then started asking for a handjob, I said no and when he asked why I reminded him I gave birth 5 days ago. His response was “it’s not like full on sex” and then went to the bathroom after making a comment about doing it himself. He’s seemed to be in a mood all afternoon and has now gone out after saying he’s going out for a smoke.

please be kind as I’m new here but I’ve never posted before so sorry if this is wrong in any way. I don’t have any one else to speak to about this. I just noticed to get it out.

OP posts:
Evaka · 23/12/2025 18:24

Asshole. Cut him loose now.

MyIvyGrows · 23/12/2025 18:25

He should fuck off back to where he came from. You’re better off by yourself than with any “support” from him.

Myfridgeiscool · 23/12/2025 18:26

That's not what you need right now, you’ve just had a baby. If he can’t acknowledge that you’re vulnerable right now and need looking after I’d ask him to leave.
You and your baby’s needs come first right now, not his.
Take care of you and baby.

123ZYX · 23/12/2025 18:26

Did you get back together because you want to be in a relationship or because you want your son’s dad to be there? He can have a relationship with your son without being in a relationship with you.

Has he been taking care of you in general?

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/12/2025 18:26

And now you know his motive for coming back (clue: it's not because he wants to be a good parent).

beAsensible1 · 23/12/2025 18:27

Get rid

is this why he has come back?

Shoxfordian · 23/12/2025 18:27

I really hope you've chucked him back out op

WonderfulSmith · 23/12/2025 18:27

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/12/2025 18:26

And now you know his motive for coming back (clue: it's not because he wants to be a good parent).

This.

Get rid now, OP, while you have the chance. How old are you both?

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/12/2025 18:28

You are homeless, recovering from birth. With a very tiny new baby.

This dickhead just wants to get his rocks off. And sulks when you don’t oblige.

You are better than this. Please know that now you are a mother. This gives you enormous responsibility but also power. Get rid of scummy dickhead, apply to CSA, work on doing what you can to build a life for you and your baby.

WearyAuldWumman · 23/12/2025 18:28

Oh Lord.

He's just wanting sex and has tried his luck when you're at your most vulnerable. Kick him out.

Don't tell me...You have council accommodation and he's now staying with you? Oh no. Apart from anything else, his presence is imperilling your tenancy and any benefits you might be in receipt of at the moment.

vodkaredbullgirl · 23/12/2025 18:28

Tell him to fuck off.

WearyAuldWumman · 23/12/2025 18:29

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/12/2025 18:26

And now you know his motive for coming back (clue: it's not because he wants to be a good parent).

Well said.

BobblyBobbleHat · 23/12/2025 18:29

Horrible, you and your baby deserve better and don't need to put up with someone so pathetic. Tell him he can pay appropriate child support and visit the baby with your supervision, but that is all.

Topseyt123 · 23/12/2025 18:29

He's a total arse. He thinks only of himself.

I hope he has gone for good. "Support" from him will always come with strings attached.

Enjoy your new baby, without the unwanted pressure from this dickhead.

Ikeameatballs · 23/12/2025 18:29

Get rid of him now. This man will continue to prioritise himself above you and your son forever more. The best way to limit the impact of that is to end the relationship now and not look back.

AgnesMcDoo · 23/12/2025 18:29

He’s a complete arsehole - get rid

GardyLou · 23/12/2025 18:30

VickyEadieofThigh · 23/12/2025 18:26

And now you know his motive for coming back (clue: it's not because he wants to be a good parent).

Yes, this.

OP I am so sorry. You have done an amazing thing, giving birth, and you should be cherished and folded in love and care not expected to service his 'needs'.

Moretwirlsandswirls · 23/12/2025 18:32

Congratulations on your lovely new baby. I think you know that this guy is no good. Stay strong.

Sunloungerhogger · 23/12/2025 18:32

Congratulations OP on the birth, I hope you are recovering well, and enjoying your little one - you and he come first. I’m sorry you don’t have much support nearby. I do have one very serious piece of advice - you don’t say how long you were together before you split up, but given the baby’s father doesn’t appear to so far to have indicated he’s going to be great, I recommend not putting him on the birth certificate. If you do, he will have joint parental responsibility and you’re basically saddled with him, but if you don’t, assuming you don’t marry him, you retain sole parental responsibility. This doesn’t negate the requirement for him to pay child support.

Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 23/12/2025 18:33

I hope your dc is having your surname.. Already he is a deadbeat df isn't he? He isn't supporting you. He is trying to use you for his sexual gratification..

Donttellempike · 23/12/2025 18:34

Hi OP

Congratulations on your new arrival.

This man gives no fucks about you or the baby. Get rid of him x

Dweetfidilove · 23/12/2025 18:34

WearyAuldWumman · 23/12/2025 18:28

Oh Lord.

He's just wanting sex and has tried his luck when you're at your most vulnerable. Kick him out.

Don't tell me...You have council accommodation and he's now staying with you? Oh no. Apart from anything else, his presence is imperilling your tenancy and any benefits you might be in receipt of at the moment.

Please take note of this @mondaystuesdays . Your priority is looking after yourself and your baby. This man sounds like a liability, so please be careful.

Congratulations on your new bundle 💐.

RaininSummer · 23/12/2025 18:35

Revolting crass pig man. Please do not get reinvolved with him as it will end in tears.

dontwantdrama · 23/12/2025 18:37

Congratulations on your new arrival! This is really selfish behaviour on his part. You already have the stress of looking after a new baby, you really don’t need to be spending the exhausting new born period while your body is recovering dealing with him trying it on and having to put up with his moods when he doesn’t get his own way. Your bf doesn’t sound like the kind of person that would invest in your relationship or your child. I’m not saying it will be easy but I think you’ll be better off focusing on yourself and your baby. Sending hugs x

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 23/12/2025 18:39

I hope you were sick on his shoes

I'm glad he's being involved with the baby, but he is not grown up enough to be in any kind of relationship, so draw that to a close. I'm guessing @WearyAuldWumman has a point and you need to make sure he doesn't endanger your accommodation.

In the meantime, focus on resting up.