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Original poster

He asked me for a handjob 5 days after giving birth.

231 replies

mondaystuesdays · 23/12/2025 18:23

im new here, sorry this is in the wrong place i see posts here seem to get loads of traffic and could do with advice. please be kind though

i have a 5 day old baby boy. He was unplanned but he is loved. I don’t have family support and as a result I live in temporary accommodation by the council with baby. I split up with his dad before he was born but last week we met up and we agreed to get back together. Baby was then born on Thursday and he’s been supportive and staying over since Saturday as we got home Saturday morning.

we’ve just been bonding with him tbh but today I felt more myself and comfortable and we took him for a short walk. Baby was asleep when we got home and I was just resting too as I’ve been worrying about baby not waking up for a feed so I’ve not been resting when he’s been sleeping (google says it’s normal though)

Bf then started asking for a handjob, I said no and when he asked why I reminded him I gave birth 5 days ago. His response was “it’s not like full on sex” and then went to the bathroom after making a comment about doing it himself. He’s seemed to be in a mood all afternoon and has now gone out after saying he’s going out for a smoke.

please be kind as I’m new here but I’ve never posted before so sorry if this is wrong in any way. I don’t have any one else to speak to about this. I just noticed to get it out.

OP posts:
Notthisagainyouidiot · 23/12/2025 18:40

Gently (or not) place your hand on the back of his head and turn it towards the door. Tell him to go out the door and stay there. That's the only hand job he deserves.

Radiosn · 23/12/2025 18:42

Get him out of your space.
Call the police for help to remove the arsehole if necessary.
Mind yourself.

TwistedWonder · 23/12/2025 18:44

Selfish cunt who has no interest in you other than as his personal sex doll.

Are you very young OP? This is a horrible man please get rid

WhatMe123 · 23/12/2025 18:44

Honestly get rid of this man child please....

CashewGal · 23/12/2025 18:45

Contrarian view but is it that bad? They just got back together and everyone is feeling bonding hormones. Are you guys kissing or touching in friendly ways? It’s bad if you’re just not interested or feel coerced but sexual feelings don’t have set time frames around birth for all couples AFAIK. Obviously everyone retains consent.

Original poster
mondaystuesdays · 23/12/2025 18:45

I got back together with him because I wanted a relationship with him and we’d worked things out, he said he wanted us to be a family and apologised for not being there more during pregnancy after we broke up. it wasn’t just him that made the pregnancy hard it was where I was living with my parents, it wasn’t a good environment and I’m glad I got away before baby was born (he was 3 weeks early).

He lives with his mum officially, he’s just being staying since we got home from the hospital

OP posts:
Pereniallyannoyed · 23/12/2025 18:47

OP, I’m going to be as kind as I can.

First, the fact he’s even considered asking for a handjob 5 days post partum THEN (ick of all icks) goes off for a wank is vile. He neither has any class or respect for you.

Secondly - he smokes. The cancer and bronchial disease causing chemicals from smoking lingers on clothes for hours and your baby will likely be exposed to these. To be honest, this alone is enough for me to say boot him out. If you love your baby, which I’m sure you do, keep him as far as possible from those chemicals.

Lastly, you have just entered a stage of your life that will be largely all consuming for some time, and you are now solely responsible for that baby boy. What you teach him about being a man one day starts with you. He will learn how to be a man from both good and bad influences around him. He will learn how to treat women from his father and other male role models. I use that term loosely for the sperm donor that is his father. Think very, very hard how you want that baby of yours to behave when he is an adult and then reconsider whether this getting back together is going to produce that.

Be honest with yourself - you are currently very vulnerable and no doubt wanting a hallmark card version of a family. You CAN have that, but not likely with that arse of a man.

Don’t give him a key, bag up his shit, get rid before, like a fungus, he infects every facet of your life.

Stepping up for your baby as his one and only advocate starts right now.

firstofallimadelight · 23/12/2025 18:47

Well now you know his support comes with an expectation of sexual favours.

WhatMe123 · 23/12/2025 18:47

@CashewGal bonding hormones or not who wants to give a had job 5 days after giving birth 🙄 really 😵‍💫😵‍💫

Boudy · 23/12/2025 18:48

This does not bode well for the future. Please listen to advice on here op.

YourZippyHare · 23/12/2025 18:49

OP, I felt so sad reading your post. Nice men don't do this. He doesn't sound nice at all. I know being a single parent is daunting but do think hard about your choices here. Are you really better off with him than without him?

CheshireCat1 · 23/12/2025 18:49

Congratulations on your new baby boy. As for the fella, tell him to do one.

Flibbertyfloo · 23/12/2025 18:50

Echoing what others say. You'd be well rid of him. Also, you don't want to be living with a smoker when you have a newborn. Even one that smokes outside. It lingers on hair and clothes and can be harmful for your baby.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/12/2025 18:50

Lives with his mum officially and stays with you?

No plans to work hard and house himself then?

chickenfucker · 23/12/2025 18:51

Well, luckily you've only been back together with him for a few days so you can get rid of him without much bother after this.

BellaTrixLeStrange1 · 23/12/2025 18:52

mondaystuesdays · 23/12/2025 18:23

im new here, sorry this is in the wrong place i see posts here seem to get loads of traffic and could do with advice. please be kind though

i have a 5 day old baby boy. He was unplanned but he is loved. I don’t have family support and as a result I live in temporary accommodation by the council with baby. I split up with his dad before he was born but last week we met up and we agreed to get back together. Baby was then born on Thursday and he’s been supportive and staying over since Saturday as we got home Saturday morning.

we’ve just been bonding with him tbh but today I felt more myself and comfortable and we took him for a short walk. Baby was asleep when we got home and I was just resting too as I’ve been worrying about baby not waking up for a feed so I’ve not been resting when he’s been sleeping (google says it’s normal though)

Bf then started asking for a handjob, I said no and when he asked why I reminded him I gave birth 5 days ago. His response was “it’s not like full on sex” and then went to the bathroom after making a comment about doing it himself. He’s seemed to be in a mood all afternoon and has now gone out after saying he’s going out for a smoke.

please be kind as I’m new here but I’ve never posted before so sorry if this is wrong in any way. I don’t have any one else to speak to about this. I just noticed to get it out.

Total fucktard. You deserve way better!!

MrsLizzieDarcy · 23/12/2025 18:52

You're worth more. And don't let a smoker be around your newborn, it's not worth the risk.

HatKat · 23/12/2025 18:52

Ergh. Some 'men' have absolutely no idea.

regista · 23/12/2025 18:55

You might not feel it, but having just given birth and not having a strong relationship with your parents, you are very vulnerable. This guy has already proved himself to be lacking by taking off during the pregnancy. He sounds like a user, and not healthy for you to be around. Focus on having the best bonding experience with your little one. You and them against the world. Join some baby groups and get out and about. Do not let this guy into your trust. Be strong x

Shouldbedoing · 23/12/2025 19:04

If it's tobacco he smokes that will drain your finances and puts the baby at risk. If it's weed, run for the hills. Stoners do not make good partners. If he's so loved up with you and his baby he should be making crazy plans to buy them the best pram, toys, football kit, enroll them at Eton and all the gormless thoughts that besotted young Dads have. Not be out there smoking and bothering you.

FOJN · 23/12/2025 19:06

mondaystuesdays · 23/12/2025 18:45

I got back together with him because I wanted a relationship with him and we’d worked things out, he said he wanted us to be a family and apologised for not being there more during pregnancy after we broke up. it wasn’t just him that made the pregnancy hard it was where I was living with my parents, it wasn’t a good environment and I’m glad I got away before baby was born (he was 3 weeks early).

He lives with his mum officially, he’s just being staying since we got home from the hospital

He wasn't there during your pregnancy and now you are no longer pregnant he's sorry about that. That is no the behaviour of a supportive partner.

It wasn't "just" him that made the pregnancy hard but it was partly him. That is the not the behaviour of a supportive partner.

Now he's asking for sexual favours and sulking when he doesn't get them. That is not the behaviour of a supportive partner.

Sorry but he has no more respect for you than he would an inflatable sex doll.

Ask him to leave. Tell him you're worried about your tenancy agreement if that's what it takes. Plan to raise the baby alone, do not let this manchild bring chaos into your life when it sounds like you already have enough to deal with.

Concentrate on your baby and forget relationships until you can work out why you are prepared to accept being treated so badly and have the self esteem to demand better.

Congratulations on your little boy.

WonderfulSmith · 23/12/2025 19:06

Send him back to his mum. You can do this on your own. Loads of women have. You don’t need him.

Somethingneedstochange78 · 23/12/2025 19:07

Has his hands fallen off? What a creep

EchoesOfOurDreams · 23/12/2025 19:17

mondaystuesdays · 23/12/2025 18:45

I got back together with him because I wanted a relationship with him and we’d worked things out, he said he wanted us to be a family and apologised for not being there more during pregnancy after we broke up. it wasn’t just him that made the pregnancy hard it was where I was living with my parents, it wasn’t a good environment and I’m glad I got away before baby was born (he was 3 weeks early).

He lives with his mum officially, he’s just being staying since we got home from the hospital

Why do you want a relationship with this loser?

Scottishskifun · 23/12/2025 19:17

Sorry but wtf?!

He lacks any understanding of what your body has been through, your emotions or the shock of a newborn to even suggest it!

To give you an idea of what a decent bloke does after childbirth.....brings snacks, tea, makes food, does nappy changes, comforts baby so you can sleep, makes dinner etc etc etc.
My DH didn't do anything but support me no pressure until I felt ready for anything further then a cuddle or kiss!