He asked me for a handjob 5 days after giving birth.

[mondaystuesdays]

im new here, sorry this is in the wrong place i see posts here seem to get loads of traffic and could do with advice. please be kind though

i have a 5 day old baby boy. He was unplanned but he is loved. I don’t have family support and as a result I live in temporary accommodation by the council with baby. I split up with his dad before he was born but last week we met up and we agreed to get back together. Baby was then born on Thursday and he’s been supportive and staying over since Saturday as we got home Saturday morning.

we’ve just been bonding with him tbh but today I felt more myself and comfortable and we took him for a short walk. Baby was asleep when we got home and I was just resting too as I’ve been worrying about baby not waking up for a feed so I’ve not been resting when he’s been sleeping (google says it’s normal though)

Bf then started asking for a handjob, I said no and when he asked why I reminded him I gave birth 5 days ago. His response was “it’s not like full on sex” and then went to the bathroom after making a comment about doing it himself. He’s seemed to be in a mood all afternoon and has now gone out after saying he’s going out for a smoke.

please be kind as I’m new here but I’ve never posted before so sorry if this is wrong in any way. I don’t have any one else to speak to about this. I just noticed to get it out.

What ahorrible pig he is. Get rid. It might be hard to cope for a while, but you and your baby don't need a loser like that.

This. 💯

Congratulations on your little baby!! Tell this wank stain of a man to get lost and rebuild your life for your little one’s sake. Do not put him on the birth certificate and don’t jeopardise the council help you will get as a single mum to a newborn. Best of luck 💐

put him back under the rock whence he came from...you deserve more than this toad has to offer...good luck xx

Get rid of him. Yuck.

You split up for a reason. Those reasons haven disappeared with the birth of your boy. Things won't get better they will just be magnified by lack of sleep. Ditch him now and stop wasting your time.

Hi OP, just ignore the incel wankers. If it wasn’t so tragic it would be funny 😄

This is the sort of man who will drag you down and make your life miserable. Not a man who is abusive or overtly a piece of shit, but one who is selfish and expects more from you than what he deserves / gives in return. Cut ties now. You don’t need him, despite how you might be feeling right now. You will be emotional and hormones all over the place for a while but don’t let that be an opening for a useless mood-hoover to get himself nice and comfortable in your life. If he wants to be a dad, great, but you do not need to be in a relationship for him to do so.

Congratulations on the birth of your son. You’re in such a crucial bonding period right now, and unnecessary stress can really interfere with that. None of this is your fault, you come across as kind, loving, and deeply caring.

You should still be in contact with your midwife, who can help connect you with support networks such as Women’s Aid, Early Help, or Home-Start, depending on what’s available in your area. As mentioned before, it would be wise not to add this man to your baby’s birth certificate at this stage, as doing so would give him equal parental rights. Avoiding that now could save you a great deal of difficulty, emotionally and legally, both short and long-term. If he later steps up, proves himself to be a responsible father, and becomes a positive role model for your child, parental responsibility can be granted to him at that point.

A nice balanced response, thank you. @WonderfulSmith I'm not an incel, I'm not a man. I'm 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby so unless you believe men can get pregnant, then I have a bridge to sell you.

Well maybe the OP can send him round to you to service as you don't see the big deal.

Do go to the baby groups - you'll find support there. And if anyone judges you for being young, judge them right back for being judgemental! Congratulations on your lovely new baby

OP I was a very young mum, also living in a homeless shelter.

One thing I really wished I did more was go to mum and baby groups.
You need to find those friendships and support from women going through similar things.

The only reason you are with this man is because you are lonely.
When you are lonely you end up overlooking behaviours that you wouldn’t normally and then this becomes your new normal.

Is he allowed to stay the night?
My friend got kicked out of her temporary accommodation and kicked off of the council list because she had he bf stay over.

Why not just have him stay on the weekend.
You need space from him. If you’re with him every day then it’s going to be difficult for you to figure out what you want.

But you think that us women should grovel to men and wank them off on demand because pavements exist? Have a word.

I don't think people in a baby group will judge you for being a young mum. Other people in the group would think they were massive cunts if they did. These groups could be a godsend with you on your own atm.

But your partner is not. You've got rid of one lot of asshole and now another leach has shown up just like the vampire he is.

You don't need a relationship right now. Never get with men just because you think it'll make life easier. They don't tend to do that even when they are good men. You had a baby 5 days ago and already he's making it all about him.

'I'm sorry but this isn't working. Move out again'.

He may be a shit dad either way but at least this way he won't also be a shit partner.

Get him out and focus on you and baby. Don't risk losing your accomodation.

From what I hear, most baby groups do have younger mothers. I'd say that it's worth giving it a try.

So she just had her first baby 5 days ago, still in pain down there, big painful milking breasts, lady parts covered in stitches and with a new born crying in the next room yet she should be sexually entertaining a man?

You're either an Incel or really need to raise that bar with men.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby and how lucky that baby is to have a thougtful and caring person like you for a mum. Maybe try the baby group, I found mine really supportive when I ended up as a single mum, you won't necessarily get along with everyone but hopefully there willl be at least one other parent you click with. Wishing you and your little one only good things

You made a massive assumption about me and then told me to eff off.

Get lost.

We did do some mutual stuff on day 5 after section with my first BUT (1) this was initiated me (2) I was under zero pressure to do this (3) I was (and still am) in a very happy marriage.

It's fine to feel sexual shortly after birth. It's equally fine to not want to think about it for weeks or months (or longer). He shouldn't be pressuring you at all. This isn't love, this isn't a good relationship. Please think seriously about whether you actually want a relationship with this man.

@YorkshireGoldDrinker have you actually read OPs posts?

Asking for a handjob from a someone you’re in a strong relationship with is not an issue (although most people don’t ask because the partner does it during intimacy anyway) but that’s not what happened here is it.

Grim. I'd be getting rid.

This is a young woman in a relationship which if it continues will bring her nothing but misery.

She is 5 days in from having her first baby.

If you are not an incel you are incredibly ignorant. Maybe work on that before dishing out ( terrible) advice

Women just don't want men to be happy, do they?

Will no one think of the menz?

There is so much else that's seriously wrong here, but surely the very first sign was that a man who can't even give himself pleasure must be spectacularly bad in bed!