Will I ruin everything for everyone?

[ReallyStrugglingToday]

I'm not going to go into details (unless someone asks really nicely! 😉) But work this year has been consistently horrific and very stressful for a number of reasons and has just escalated as the months have gone by.

I'm completely burnt out from it. I've barely left the house other than to go to work for the last three months because of it. I've become a shell of my former self.

We broke up for christmas on Friday and i have done no Christmas shopping. I didn't have the time or the mental or emotional headspace to start shopping earlier. I just kept thinking, if I can get through this week, then next week... except that next week just brought more of the same and just when we thought it couldn't get any worse at work, it did.

To put it into context, I have two adult children - 19 and mid 20s. The youngest has now gone away for Christmas and the eldest will be coming to me (and my partner) on Christmas day.

On Saturday, I went out for the day with my children to do some Christmas shopping and spend a bit of time together before the youngest left. I normally wouldn't have done so the Saturday before Christmas when I really needed to just decompress but decided to adopt a positive mental attitude and get on with it to spend time with my children.

We had a nice day together but I was completely unable to do any shopping or anything really. I can't explain it. I was completely overwhelmed by everything. The shops, the people, the sensory overload. I'm ashamed to say I kept crying. Not that they saw, not blubbing or weeping or sobbing but just randomly found myself with tears rolling down my face which I wiped away and hid from them. I just felt anxious, stressed, disoriented, confused and just desperate to get home, which isn't really like me at all.

I couldn't think, couldn't see things in shops properly - everything was just stuff everywhere, even deciding where to go for lunch was beyond me (which was fine, they chose). I can't even make a decision about what I want for lunch!

We had a nice day together, saw the youngest off on the train and went our separate ways.

I took Sunday to rest hoping that yesterday would be better. But it wasn't. I spent hours trying to tidy the house and do laundry (so that I could go shopping today) and getting nowhere.

My partner will do all the food shopping (he always does) and has already got most of it. But I have bought no presents for him, my children or his (adult) children. I just feel like a complete failure and feeling like I'm going to let everyone down is making it all worse.

I'm posting because I didn't sleep again last night. I kept waking up having palpitations, waking up in tears (as i have done for weeks/months now), and I seem.to have a mental block. I can't even think about Christmas shopping now because I can't work out where to go, or what to buy or what time I need to leave or even whether I need a shower before I go. I tried looking online but couldn't work out where to start.

My son has only asked for one thing and I can't even find that.

Every time I start to think about Christmas, my heart races, I get pains in my chest, my breathing is shallow and painful and my brain is foggy. I haven't had a panic attack but I used to get them when I was younger and so recognise the signs.

I know my children and partner will understand but will they still be disappointed? I don't know if his children will understand. They won't make a fuss, I know that but I didn't attend my birthday night out this year because of all of work stress and they (my partner, his children and my children) went without me (no problem, I insisted). My partner and my children understood but his thought it was odd. It just never leaves me. I feel anxious and overwhelmed constantly by everything.

It's not an issue of resilience. I've always been very resilient and my colleagues and I have found reserves of resilience we never knew we were capable of this year.

I've just got nothing left and this year has broken me.

YABU - you will let everyone down and be the worst sort of person if you don't find a way to do this today.

YANBU - you need to take care of yourself, reduce the pressure and postpone presents.

Obviously, I'll be looking for a new job in the New Year. (If I get time to do so).

I feel like this too this year. I have grown up kids but also a 10 year old who keeps talking of Xmas jumpers, pyjamas, bedding etc (I have done these in previous years, but not this one) I feel awful about it but am perimenopausal and broke, so am feeling just like you.
Sending virtual hugs and solidarity.

I saw a quote today and I immediately thought of you @ReallyStrugglingToday

I hope you don’t mind me sharing it -

" Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow'. "

• Mary Anne Radmacher

wishing you all the best for a peaceful festive season with your loved ones xx

Thank you x

When I had a raft of bloods during my experience of burnout/ major depressive disorder, my B12 was so low they offered me injections (and I was so ill I turned them down 🙄). I don’t know if it was the reason, but it may well have been a factor in how bad I felt.

I also echo pp who say they needed a lot of time. I took four months off sick but I couldn’t cope after day 1 of my phased return, and (perhaps unwisely, but I was still unwell) I resigned. Didn’t teach again for several years and still can’t imagine working in a mainstream classroom again. You’re likely to need very, very low demand for quite some time- please try to be kind and gentle with yourself. Slow breathing can help to reset the nervous system, Insight Timer has lots of breathing practices, meditations, and yoga nidras (a kind of guided, deeply restful meditation) which all could help and they are free. Good luck 💐

So glad you’re starting to feel better already, it’s amazing what support can become available when you’re brave enough to ask for help. Merry Christmas @ReallyStrugglingToday

This ☝️, so if your iron/ ferritin is low this affects your B12, but they treat your low iron/ferritin first and hope B12 regulates its self, as mine did,
B12 could be a false negative due to iron levels, I have thyroid problems also menopausal both have an effect on iron, hope this makes sense, I was happy to pay privately for B12 but gp explained that once iron is sorted the B12 will stabilise, which mine did,

I’m sure you’re right and getting bloods done is important for sure. It’s teaching though . It gets you eventually. You spend your life strategically thinking all of the time… even in holidays. It’s like being battle ready all of the time . Not so much kid’s behaviour but just the sheer volume of work. I did it for 25 years and never thought it would do for me but it did. My GP said it was too much cortisol from constant overwork. It’s so sad that nothing seriously gets done .

I hope it's OK to pick up this thread again.

I went to the GP who was really good. She listened and took everything I said on board and made a few accurate observations/drew conclusions about work without me spelling them all out, which makes a big difference.

The upshot is that my BP was quite high so I've got to monitor that at home for a week.

I've been having quite significant cheat pains so I'm booked in for an ECG and she's requesting a full blood screening.

When all that is done, and theres a clearer explanation for the cause of how I'm feeling, we can discuss the next course of action.

I haven't been to the GP for years (mainly down to difficulties in booking appointments; not really feeling ill enough to need to; fear of being seen as one of 'the worried well'; being worried about being dismissed; time...)

I don't know how I feel now. A bit ovewhelmed? Listened to and heard? Scared?

I don't know, I just feel like I've stepped through an age related health I wasn't quite ready for.

Thank you for coming back to your thread. It sounds as if you have a really good doctor. I think high blood pressure and chest pains are not unsurprising with everything that has been going on in your life. You will recover but it is going to take a while. Work will have to be postponed for some time. I pray 🙏 that you will have a much better 2026. 💐

It's the best thing you could have done to look after yourself. Well done! You might need some temporary meds to help with stress (while you hopefully look for another job!).

Well done for getting yourself to the doctors. I’m so glad she was helpful and has listened.

High blood pressure and chest pains is a worry but you’ve got a plan now which is really good.

You won’t be the only teacher she has seen with the same symptoms which is good for you as she obviously ‘gets it’.

Feeling that mixture of emotions is perfectly understandable, you’ve gone through a lot and your body is in fight / flight / freeze mode. Give yourself time to process everything and make sure you have nice easy things planned like curling up on the sofa and watching a film, getting out for a walk - that can make all the difference.

Edited to say: I’ve been there and got the t shirt too with the high blood pressure and ECG. It is horrendous at the time but it will pass.
There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will feel better again. It just takes a bit of time. Sending a virtual bunch of flowers. Xx

Thank you!

Yes, I'll be looking for a new job as a priority and definitely spending today on the sofa with a film or two!

I've always been in good health so the high BP and needing the ECG just felt a bit like something else I was just getting wrong, I think. Like I can't even look after myself properly.

Anyway, Amazon will ne delivering an exciting digital blood pressure monitor tomorrow so that's something to look forward to 😉

I know someone who was left with permanent heart damage after suffering burnout. Look after yourself.

I'm glad you got seen and are getting your health issues addressed.

Your BP and chest pain are symptoms, not failures. I would suggest some counseling too. Look after your mental health as well as your physical. Your job and stress levels have ground you down.

Enjoy your film viewing today.

Well done for getting to the doctor. Have you been signed off or will you be back in on Monday?

Are you still having chest pains/palpitations?

So glad you've been seen and are hopefully on the way to recovery. Take care x

It will be ok! You’re stressed and anxious. Whilst you wait for your BP monitor, try relaxation techniques such as tensing for 10 seconds and relaxing for ten , start with your toes and do every bit up to your face including arms , hands and fingers. Breathe in as you tense, out as breathe out . Repeat. I’ll try and find you the link on YT. Do not blame yourself for not going to GP sooner or anything like that. I was same , spending my waking (and sleeping) hours strategising on how I was going to “fit it all in”. Even at weekends and school holidays, constantly working or thinking about working. It’s not sustainable! I understand the mindset. If I’m just more organised, work smarter , be more efficient? Yeah? Like you, my GP seemed to know what I meant before I said it! You must, must, must have a long break from work. I can’t stress it enough.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YfW1bmRZL30

Did your doctor mention checking your FSH levels ? As it sounds like menopause.

How are things going,OP?

Would love to know how you are op