Will I ruin everything for everyone?

[ReallyStrugglingToday]

I'm not going to go into details (unless someone asks really nicely! 😉) But work this year has been consistently horrific and very stressful for a number of reasons and has just escalated as the months have gone by.

I'm completely burnt out from it. I've barely left the house other than to go to work for the last three months because of it. I've become a shell of my former self.

We broke up for christmas on Friday and i have done no Christmas shopping. I didn't have the time or the mental or emotional headspace to start shopping earlier. I just kept thinking, if I can get through this week, then next week... except that next week just brought more of the same and just when we thought it couldn't get any worse at work, it did.

To put it into context, I have two adult children - 19 and mid 20s. The youngest has now gone away for Christmas and the eldest will be coming to me (and my partner) on Christmas day.

On Saturday, I went out for the day with my children to do some Christmas shopping and spend a bit of time together before the youngest left. I normally wouldn't have done so the Saturday before Christmas when I really needed to just decompress but decided to adopt a positive mental attitude and get on with it to spend time with my children.

We had a nice day together but I was completely unable to do any shopping or anything really. I can't explain it. I was completely overwhelmed by everything. The shops, the people, the sensory overload. I'm ashamed to say I kept crying. Not that they saw, not blubbing or weeping or sobbing but just randomly found myself with tears rolling down my face which I wiped away and hid from them. I just felt anxious, stressed, disoriented, confused and just desperate to get home, which isn't really like me at all.

I couldn't think, couldn't see things in shops properly - everything was just stuff everywhere, even deciding where to go for lunch was beyond me (which was fine, they chose). I can't even make a decision about what I want for lunch!

We had a nice day together, saw the youngest off on the train and went our separate ways.

I took Sunday to rest hoping that yesterday would be better. But it wasn't. I spent hours trying to tidy the house and do laundry (so that I could go shopping today) and getting nowhere.

My partner will do all the food shopping (he always does) and has already got most of it. But I have bought no presents for him, my children or his (adult) children. I just feel like a complete failure and feeling like I'm going to let everyone down is making it all worse.

I'm posting because I didn't sleep again last night. I kept waking up having palpitations, waking up in tears (as i have done for weeks/months now), and I seem.to have a mental block. I can't even think about Christmas shopping now because I can't work out where to go, or what to buy or what time I need to leave or even whether I need a shower before I go. I tried looking online but couldn't work out where to start.

My son has only asked for one thing and I can't even find that.

Every time I start to think about Christmas, my heart races, I get pains in my chest, my breathing is shallow and painful and my brain is foggy. I haven't had a panic attack but I used to get them when I was younger and so recognise the signs.

I know my children and partner will understand but will they still be disappointed? I don't know if his children will understand. They won't make a fuss, I know that but I didn't attend my birthday night out this year because of all of work stress and they (my partner, his children and my children) went without me (no problem, I insisted). My partner and my children understood but his thought it was odd. It just never leaves me. I feel anxious and overwhelmed constantly by everything.

It's not an issue of resilience. I've always been very resilient and my colleagues and I have found reserves of resilience we never knew we were capable of this year.

I've just got nothing left and this year has broken me.

YABU - you will let everyone down and be the worst sort of person if you don't find a way to do this today.

YANBU - you need to take care of yourself, reduce the pressure and postpone presents.

Obviously, I'll be looking for a new job in the New Year. (If I get time to do so).

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way OP. I think you just need to be honest with your partner and family. They will definitely understand. They will want you to be happy more than any gift you could buy them. Please talk to them.

You sound depressed op you should see a GP x

Hugs OP, a friend of mine is same at work. Insomnia, crying, stress vomiting. Get signed in NY and sleep and rest. No job is worth this x

This is burnout - 100%. You need to find yourself again. Focus on the important things - which is not work. Literally take one step at a time. Explain to your family how you are feeling and focus on one thing you see through each day you are on holiday. Amazon will deliver up to tomorrow so if it's a list that you work through, do that. And a v big hug to you. Have been in a similar boat this year.

I could have wrote this exact post. It’s the worst feeling.

I only thought I knew workplace stress until this year. It consumes every part of me & I too am a shell of myself. Is there any light at the end of the tunnel for you?

unfortunately for me it’s set to get worse in the new year. We keep making people redundant whilst the work increases! I’m not sure how much more I can take

In terms of your situation as your kids are grown up, why not just give them cash and some nice chocolates? That would be a quick win.

I have also started to suffer from sensory overload when I go to the shops. Started with clothes shopping probably about 5 or so years ago. Now it's supermarkets, they drive me bonkers.
Christmas shopping in town this year was hellish; I had no idea what I was looking at or why.

For reference I am mid forties and think it may be peri menopause related.

I buy as much as I can online, including Amazon. This has absolutely saved my sanity. I suggest you do this next year.

It does sound like you may be suffering from burnout in general though, what with the way you feel about work. Definitely look for another job in the new year.

Maybe just give everyone some money in envelopes for Christmas this year. You could always explain that you have been under pressure at work and have been feeling unwell and have been unable to go Christmas shopping yet. I'm sure your family will understand.

I hope you get some time to relax and unwind over Christmas.

@ReallyStrugglingToday
I hope you're okay 💕

You're in crisis. It's ok. It's one day. Your family will understand. Concentrate on you getting better. When the time is right, you can do Christmas on your terms.

Tell your partner how you are feeling. Sit down together and buy gift vouchers for shop/ experience/ spa restaurant. Maybe attach to a box of chocs or tin of shortbread. It will probably help you enjoy Christmas day more if you sort something.
After that try and relax , maybe see a doctor if appropriate. Think seriously about whether to go back to your job in the New Year .

There are plenty of possible causes for this, but the fact is you are unwell. Give yourself some grace. The best things about Christmas are being together (presents much less so), so focus on having a peaceful, soothing day, let your partner run the kitchen, ban the word “should”, light candles, go all in on the hygge and you’ll have a beautiful, happy atmosphere that will be good for everyone.

After Christmas, your #1 job is to seek medical help. Deal with what you’ve got going on and prevent it getting worse. Nothing else matters.

Best of luck.

This ☝️ 💯 😫
My pal was exhausted, stuck in a job that drained her. She changed jobs, and even though her spirits lifted, she was still worn out.
Vitamin B12 injections from the GP every month has sorted her right out. 🙌

It could be:
Vitamin B deficiency,
Menopause,
ADHD,
Burn out,
Needing a career change,
either way you need to see your GP ASAP!

This post made me feel sad 😔
Dearest OP, I hope you are making time to look after yourself. 🙏
Self care is not just a trendy phrase, but a complete necessity 💯
Your body and soul need rest and healthy nourishment at this overstimulating and stressful time of year 😫

The other posters have gave some cracking tips on what to get last minute 👏
Whether its vouchers, wine, chocs, gift cards, even money in a card! 🫶
My hubby has stepped up this year, and sorted food and everything (I'm lucky like you in that respect) 💕

Please seek out the GP and get the above bits sorted if you can, even if it's to give you some peace of mind and hopefully ease the palpitations ❤️

YANBU.
But if carry on as you are then YABU not to look after yourself.
Sending hugs to you and I hope you have a magical Christmas. 🫂
@ReallyStrugglingToday

She hasn’t got her head in the sand. She’s suffering from extreme stress that is now affecting her mental and physical health.

YANBU and your kids are adults so need to understand.
What has your son asked for? Could we help you to find it?

It sounds like you're close to a breakdown. Can you be honest with them that you're totally overwhelmed and get them presents in the new year?

I love this idea 💡
Can we help OP?
@ReallyStrugglingToday
What is it that you need to look for? 🤔

OP, I could have written your post - work, cognitive overload, physical symptoms, crying in the gym over choosing the wrong weights, and beating myself up for all of this, and dreading Christmas. Peri making things worse, HRT consultation booked for January. Every tiniest noise set off a hot wave of panic through my body and work thoughts walking me up from dreams.

Last week I overheard someone saying that your body leaks magnesium under stress. I have done some research and bought a bottle from Boots. I do not care if it’s placebo - I felt relaxed within an hour, calm the next day. I took it for three nights in total so far and slept 9 hours solid last night, after also taking magnesium bath. I think straight and managed a few things that seemed unthinkable a week ago. No idea if this will last, but sharing in case it helps you too. Also started vitamin D as see no daylight on working days. Your family love you and would love to see you well, not a perfect Christmas. Look after yourself.

https://www.boots.com/modern-chemistry-magnesium-bisglycinate-1692mg-capsules-60s-10365440?traffic=paid.shopping&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21827494242&gbraid=0AAAAA-AdmwRs0xDi8EOpz-WNVPAjdsGVP&gclid=CjwKCAiAmKnKBhBrEiwAaqAnZ7fly6obzUMKK4KqKBlHlDDrqtwi0WxG7xuxtaVYS17ytz0YRZZCmxoCnToQAvD_BwE

https://www.boots.com/westlab-magnesium-flakes-800g-10326749?traffic=paid.shopping&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19971248798&gbraid=0AAAAA-AdmwTpBVyf_TJr8ggxgp5aNbVXP&gclid=Cj0KCQiAr5nKBhCpARIsACa_NiNpPF9beVcS7PanSBF-EKaAoNFUC-fxp9s4AfQwm-vTrWoHVvJ2p7MaAgJkEALw_wcB

I instantly thought education. Everyone is feeling it and it’s rotten.
Put yourself first and do what you need to do to get through the days.

Op you sound really unwell. In the same way as if you had a broken leg or migraine - you need to tell your partner you need help and ask him to step up and take on more of the load and care for you.

Sod Christmas, you're in breakdown mode. Gift cards or transfer money . They're adults they can be told that you're not well at the moment, that age group are normally very clued up about mental health, so tell them the truth. Then, book yourself an appointment at the GP and get this out in the open. You're exhibiting resilience at work to the expense of your whole existence, you need help before this becomes total breakdown, no job is worth that. I suspect you're going to need some time signed off from work

You're burnt out. Don't worry about Christmas shopping. Go and get everyone a voucher to spend at their preferred shop or so what my parents do and stick some money in a card. Then it's done.

Just send some time decompressing and tell your partner how you're feeling and can he help.

Tesco are also full of a retailer gift cards, not just for stores but also for dining out.

So is a nice card with some money in.

I've had years like this, and those years everyone gets a lovely card, and some money, and a hug.

Don't be so hard on yourself, and please, take some time to rest, properly.
If things don't settle, go talk to your GP too.

I felt like this when I was going through redundancy alongside many friends and colleagues. I was a mess - tearful, fog-brained, insomniac, chronic migraines. I gained a huge amount of weight as well. Once I finished my job and had some time off I felt much better within about a month and back to normal after about 3 months. I could have sped this up by talking to a therapist, I think.

So just wanted to say that you are not alone, and you are doing brilliantly to have kept going this long.

These symptoms are a clear sign that you need to quit your job and if you can afford to do so, I’d make that the priority for January, even if you don’t have a job to go to.

You're a teacher, aren't you?

Get yourself to the GP, signed off, tell children and partner the truth. You are very close to, if not already, having a breakdown.

I really think that you need to see a doctor. I have been in this position in the past, although with slightly different circumstances. I was on my way to teach peripatetic lessons in a school and I was crying all the way there. I managed to hold back the tears as went into the office and said I could not work that day as I was not well. Things had built up so much that I was suffering from burnout - the old-fashioned nervous breakdown. I had time off from the school and left that job at the end of the term. I also needed antidepressants. You sound as if you have reached this point. I agree with previous posters about Amazon vouchers and explain to your family exactly how you are feeling. They are all adults and will understand and try to help you. You are obviously very unwell. In the new year, you are probably going to need time off work to recover and this will be a good time to reassess things. I do hope you will be able to relax over Christmas and that you will soon start to feel better. 💐