To not let children have Xmas lunch with grandparents when parents are divorcing

Itsjusttoomuchtoday · 22/12/2025 15:46

I understand why you’re angry and it looks like he just wants to wheel them out for show. I think you need to towards the future. It’s either a shared Cnristmas day or alternating Christmas - which one would you prefer?

MissHelenSweetstory · 22/12/2025 15:47

He wants them on a Thursday then? Say sorry, that's not his day!

blankcanvas3 · 22/12/2025 15:50

Fuck that, if he wants to have them just on Saturday’s he can have them just on Saturday’s. Christmas is a Thursday so it’s not his day!

ForMyNextTrickIWillMakeThisVodkaDisappear · 22/12/2025 15:54

As others have said, he wants to parent on Saturdays only and Christmas Day is a Thursday.

Longterm, things will get easier and the pain that he and his parents have caused you will not matter as much as time goes on. But I absolutely understand why you’re pissed off with him. What a fucking selfish, shite excuse for a father and husband.

TwoTuesday · 22/12/2025 15:58

You could alternate, you have this year and him next? Split Christmas days are rubbish, he is being selfish expecting to be able to parade the kids only at key moments.

Itsjusttoomuchtoday · 22/12/2025 15:59

TwoTuesday · 22/12/2025 15:58

You could alternate, you have this year and him next? Split Christmas days are rubbish, he is being selfish expecting to be able to parade the kids only at key moments.

Especially as they’re only little you could do Christmas day on the 24th and then give him the kids for all of the 25th.

Elektra1 · 22/12/2025 15:59

“Christmas is a Thursday” from multiple posters is a stupid response given that any family court judge will make a CAO which deals with termtime care and holiday care differently, with specific provision for sharing or alternating Christmases, birthdays, Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day. I would start as I meant to go on. So if the OP wants alternating Christmas, start with that (first one being hers). If she wants to split the day, then they need to agree who gets what.

My 6 year old spends Christmas Eve and Christmas Day morning with one of us, then from 1pm on Christmas Day goes to the other for lunch and spends the night and Boxing Day there too. We started that in the first year after the split and although it was all very raw then (I was left for OW), now it’s just what happens and everyone knows that’s the deal so there’s no argument about it.

YSianiFlewog · 22/12/2025 16:03

Make sure they wake up REALLY early on Christmas day to see their presents, let them eat chocolate coins for breakfast. Then, he can pick them up and try to get them to leave their toys and sit by the table and eat a roast in front of his parents! You can have a nap or watch a film and look forward to hearing about it.

greenwithglee · 22/12/2025 16:08

He 's just cherry picking the good parts of parenting and not wanting any of the obligation. I'd make sure your solicitor knows this and his reason for the spilt... that the is prioritising free time and his lifestyle over being a dad.

Nopersbro · 22/12/2025 16:10

As you do the bulk (roughly 85% from my calc - and that's assuming that he has them overnight on Saturday) of hands-on parenting and childcare I'd be tempted to tell him him when he puts the children first and ups his 15% to the equitable 50%, then he gets an equal say (not more) in how they spend Christmas. But I wouldn't actually do it. The important thing is what's best for the children, and ideally they would have time with both parents on Christmas Day if it's logistically possible.

HOWEVER: it's understandable that you object to them spending time with his parents if it's generally known/understood that they have badmouthed you to the children. That's not acceptable, and if it continues over time could amount to a serious attempt at alienation of affection, which could become a factor in hypothetical future care arrangements for the children. You and Ex need a serious discussion about it before the children see them again. You can't stop him from taking him there, but I would appeal to him on grounds of (again) the children's welfare to do his absolute best to make sure it doesn't happen again.

DemonsandMosquitoes · 22/12/2025 16:13

Tell him you only want to be a Sunday mum. So that leaves five days of 24/7 childcare uncovered and what should you both do?

Justcallmedaffodil · 22/12/2025 16:22

YSianiFlewog · 22/12/2025 16:03

Make sure they wake up REALLY early on Christmas day to see their presents, let them eat chocolate coins for breakfast. Then, he can pick them up and try to get them to leave their toys and sit by the table and eat a roast in front of his parents! You can have a nap or watch a film and look forward to hearing about it.

Is it any wonder many coparenting relationships are acrimonious The only thing that should matter is the children’s enjoyment of the day.

ItsameLuigi · 22/12/2025 16:22

TwoTuesday · 22/12/2025 15:58

You could alternate, you have this year and him next? Split Christmas days are rubbish, he is being selfish expecting to be able to parade the kids only at key moments.

I do this. I hate it because he's bare minimum all year and doesn't do anything outside his weekends(Friday after 5pm till Sunday about 1pm) which isn't every weekend either. But it's easier to just alternate than force the kids to have split days.

Endofyear · 22/12/2025 16:25

As annoying as it is, your children deserve to be able to spend time with both parents, regardless of what's going on between the two of you. Can you reach a compromise, for example you have the children for the morning and lunch, he takes the children to his parents for a few hours and tea?

Limon87 · 22/12/2025 16:26

Iris10000 · 22/12/2025 15:43

Just that really. We are getting divorced, which is DH decision. He needs more time to himself and for his job so in essence is asking to be a Saturday dad with one additional school pick up and drop off. He is very very close to his parents and wants to take kids (10 months and 4 years) to his parents for Xmas lunch for few hours. I will stay at home on my own. My relationship with his parents broken down after they barged into our house and said they always had a problem with me and what a bad person I am. I said he can go there for couple of hours but I would like to have lunch here with them. I am beyond angry and he doesn’t want any to change his plans.

i just wanted to send love. Can’t even imagine how hard this all must be. Didn’t want to read and ignore xx

TeenLifeMum · 22/12/2025 16:29

I’d choose to have them for wake up, stockings, yummy breakfast, family gifts… then he can pick up at 12pm by which time they’re full, over excited and a recipe for disaster, for 4 hours then back to you for Christmas film and snuggles.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 22/12/2025 16:33

say no. Obviously by next year you’ll be divorced and Christmas will be part of arrangements, but this year - no. You are having breakfast and lunch here. He’s welcome to join to spend time with them, or he can take them after lunch for tea at grandparents house. But no to lunch away from you.

Pineapplewaves · 22/12/2025 16:33

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you both to see DC on Christmas Day and half a day each is fair but that does mean that one of you has them for Christmas lunch and the other doesn’t.

Are you having DC over night on Christmas Eve? so you get to see them wake up, you see the joy of them seeing that Santa has been and watching them open their presents and you have them all morning? If so I don’t think it’s unreasonable for ex to take them to his parents for lunch and return them at tea time. It won’t be easy entertaining a four year old and a baby for Christmas lunch, neither of them will have the patience to sit for long, ex and PIL might find it hard work!

Do you have nowhere else to go for your lunch? Could you do a party tea for DC instead?

Walkerzoo · 22/12/2025 16:34

A 4 year old and 10 month old will not know it is Xmas day
Focus on the long term. It certainly won't be easy but it looks like a daily court future which will be 50/50
So think ahead, get a support plan in place and let him see how the reality will be when he is doing it alone.

arcticpandas · 22/12/2025 16:39

I would let him take them for a couple of hours. But the younger one needs to nap..

thepariscrimefiles · 22/12/2025 16:44

Elektra1 · 22/12/2025 15:59

“Christmas is a Thursday” from multiple posters is a stupid response given that any family court judge will make a CAO which deals with termtime care and holiday care differently, with specific provision for sharing or alternating Christmases, birthdays, Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day. I would start as I meant to go on. So if the OP wants alternating Christmas, start with that (first one being hers). If she wants to split the day, then they need to agree who gets what.

My 6 year old spends Christmas Eve and Christmas Day morning with one of us, then from 1pm on Christmas Day goes to the other for lunch and spends the night and Boxing Day there too. We started that in the first year after the split and although it was all very raw then (I was left for OW), now it’s just what happens and everyone knows that’s the deal so there’s no argument about it.

Edited

It won't be going to court before this Christmas Day though. OP's DH has unilaterally declared that he is leaving OP and he wants to have his on a Saturday with one additional school pick-up. Unless a more formal arrangement is agreed, that is what he can get.

Why should he be able to just cherry-pick the best bits of parenting while OP struggles on alone with the kids.

Elektra1 · 22/12/2025 16:46

thepariscrimefiles · 22/12/2025 16:44

It won't be going to court before this Christmas Day though. OP's DH has unilaterally declared that he is leaving OP and he wants to have his on a Saturday with one additional school pick-up. Unless a more formal arrangement is agreed, that is what he can get.

Why should he be able to just cherry-pick the best bits of parenting while OP struggles on alone with the kids.

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I’m not suggesting she concedes to him, I’m saying that since they will end up with either alternating or sharing Christmas Day, she would be better off starting that way as that is (a) better for the kids and (b what will happen anyway

thepariscrimefiles · 22/12/2025 16:52

Elektra1 · 22/12/2025 16:46

I’m not suggesting she concedes to him, I’m saying that since they will end up with either alternating or sharing Christmas Day, she would be better off starting that way as that is (a) better for the kids and (b what will happen anyway

Show quote history

The baby is only 10 months, far too young to be away from her mum for very long. Her husband is a selfish prick who is only thinking about himself and what he wants.

Purplewarrior · 22/12/2025 16:53

Are you still living together?

Happyjoe · 22/12/2025 16:54

He's left you with a 10 month? What a prick.
Sorry OP. You do whatever Christmas YOU want to do with your children. You're their main carer, you're their mum. All the other stuff can be worked out later, but 1st xmas without him? Nah, he can sod off imo. Do what makes you happy, please. Am fed up with so many women putting their own needs behind their ex hubby.

He can see them boxing day?