Page 5 | To not let children have Xmas lunch with grandparents when parents are divorcing

GoldenRosebee · 22/12/2025 19:25

I understand why you don't want your kids to have lunch somewhere else, especially 10 month old. Is it possible for 10 year old to stay at home and 4 year old to go to the grandparents? Is 10 year old still eating pureed foods?

I don't think 4 year old must feel stressful over upcoming Christmas, all children and different and it depends on how you present and explain the change.

HermioneWeasley · 22/12/2025 19:25

Iris10000 · 22/12/2025 18:37

What I would choose would be morning here and early lunch then snacks/dessert and presents at his parents from around 2pm. They however feel that they are entitled to have grandkids at the Christmas lunch from midday until late afternoon because that’s their tradition to have their son and his family over. They don’t appreciate when family unit falls apart, things change.

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They’re going to have to get used to things changing so might as well start this year

like fuck would he be taking them and playing happy families with his parents

Crazybigtoe · 22/12/2025 19:26

No.

First Christmas lunch together as siblings goes to mum. Not grandparents and dad.

Dad can stay and join in (which is gracious of you)

Mum trumps dad in this scenario.

Pikachu150 · 22/12/2025 19:27

Itsjusttoomuchtoday · 22/12/2025 19:19

Because the courts will take the view that the children have a right to spend christmas day with both parents during their childhoods.

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He is still living with OP though so this year alternate Christmas does not apply.

Crazybigtoe · 22/12/2025 19:28

Really really really don't understand how grandparents feelings get to come before mums feelings. Grandparents were horrible to OP in her own home so they can quite frankly bugger off.

Pikachu150 · 22/12/2025 19:29

GoldenRosebee · 22/12/2025 19:25

I understand why you don't want your kids to have lunch somewhere else, especially 10 month old. Is it possible for 10 year old to stay at home and 4 year old to go to the grandparents? Is 10 year old still eating pureed foods?

I don't think 4 year old must feel stressful over upcoming Christmas, all children and different and it depends on how you present and explain the change.

Why should the 4 year old have to cope so the DH and his parents keep their routine?

silverwrath · 22/12/2025 19:32

Iris10000 · 22/12/2025 15:43

Just that really. We are getting divorced, which is DH decision. He needs more time to himself and for his job so in essence is asking to be a Saturday dad with one additional school pick up and drop off. He is very very close to his parents and wants to take kids (10 months and 4 years) to his parents for Xmas lunch for few hours. I will stay at home on my own. My relationship with his parents broken down after they barged into our house and said they always had a problem with me and what a bad person I am. I said he can go there for couple of hours but I would like to have lunch here with them. I am beyond angry and he doesn’t want any to change his plans.

Do you have a formal custody agreement?

If not, I'd tell him no. You want the kids with you Christmas Day.

If yes, I'd also tell him no. As Christmas day falls on a Thursday.

Fuck him.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 22/12/2025 19:33

What a fucking selfish twat he is OP.

Grandparents have no rights, and things will be different now anyway.

Your kids are the most important thing here, does he really think that they want to spend long stretches of the day away from you, when they don't yet understand that you're splitting? If you've agreed that you're still acting as a family in front of the kids until he moves out, then you act as a family until he moves out. Which means christmas day together.

He can decide he is leaving, but since he is leaving you to make pretty much all parenting decisions by default, he doesn't then get to impose his will on everyone else.

I think he has 3 options. The options are

you stay at home as a family
you to to his parents as a family
he pops over for a quick visit without you, after you've all eaten and the kids need a change of scene

SunnySideDeepDown · 22/12/2025 19:33

Kagoule · 22/12/2025 18:40

OP just say no. What’s he going to do - physically manhandle them out of the house halfway through the lunch you have made for them?

Simply assert your answer “No. you have changed everything, that includes Christmas. Your parents can wait until tomorrow, they are adults. If you choose to make a scene about this and upset the children, try to bad-mouth me or permit your parents to bad-mouth me, you will discover that I can make your life exceptionally harder than it is today.”

This.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 22/12/2025 19:34

Also think you would get more helpful replies if you edited your OP to include your current living arrangements

Cherrysoup · 22/12/2025 19:39

Iris10000 · 22/12/2025 17:22

That’s exactly what I planned to do. As far as family life goes we pretend all is fine in front of the kids and I cook anyway. The issue is that we used to go to his parents for Xmas lunch in the past so he wants to keep that tradition even if this means I will be on my own. He banned me from cooking early lunch as 4 year old won’t eat at his parents if she eats at home. That leaves me with lonely Xmas day set up by a man who decided to divorce me but still wants to have all nice moments with his parents.

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He banned you from making early lunch for your child?! You do what is best for the child and sod his ban! At 4, it is not, imo, best for the child to be away from their primary carer, nor should a 10 month old be without mum. Is he likely to argue and just take the dc anyway?

Breadcat24 · 22/12/2025 19:44

If you want them to have lunch with you do not let them go until after you have eaten with them You know that if you let them go earlier regardless of your wishes they will feed the children lunch.
In the circumstances you describe I think you are being very nice to let them see the kids on Christmas day at all

ttcat37 · 22/12/2025 19:46

What’s stopping you from saying “absolutely fucking not”? You don’t want it, sounds like your kids don’t want it, so why are you considering doing it to satisfy him who can’t actually be arsed with parenting, or to give the arsehole inlaws a nice day? Tell them to get fucked, the lot of them. The kids are at home, with their mum. No visits to the in laws on Christmas Day at all! Come on OP, stand up for yourself because no other fucker will.

Cat1504 · 22/12/2025 19:48

Iris10000 · 22/12/2025 17:22

That’s exactly what I planned to do. As far as family life goes we pretend all is fine in front of the kids and I cook anyway. The issue is that we used to go to his parents for Xmas lunch in the past so he wants to keep that tradition even if this means I will be on my own. He banned me from cooking early lunch as 4 year old won’t eat at his parents if she eats at home. That leaves me with lonely Xmas day set up by a man who decided to divorce me but still wants to have all nice moments with his parents.

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He can’t ban you doing anything ….you are your own person surely

SplendidUtterly · 22/12/2025 19:56

Fuck that. He can go to his parents house for his xmas lunch on his own this year.
He can take the children there on boxing day for a few hours to do presents and snacks.

Paperwhite209 · 22/12/2025 20:00

His parents sound foul and if they will be helping him financially he'll be beholden to them going forward so you need to put your foot down now.

You either continue with your plans for Christmas Day (they'll still see the kids ffs they can't control bloody everything) or if insists on being a dick about it you get future arrangements written in stone legally so this doesn't happen again.

Shelby2010 · 22/12/2025 20:00

Traditionally the children have spent Christmas Day with their mum. As you are not going to PIL, neither are the children.

thepariscrimefiles · 22/12/2025 20:05

Itsjusttoomuchtoday · 22/12/2025 19:19

Because the courts will take the view that the children have a right to spend christmas day with both parents during their childhoods.

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There are no courts involved though. OP's DH hasn't even filed for divorce yet. OP isn't stopping her OH from taking the children to his parents in the afternoon but she wants to give them lunch at her house first, which is totally reasonable for a 10 month old and a 4-year old. The court wouldn't see that as unreasonable. She is without doubt currently the primary parent and will remain so after he leaves as he will only have the kids on a Saturday.

HeadyLamarr · 22/12/2025 20:08

1, he can't 'ban' you from doing anything. He isn't your boss.
2, there is no U.K. family court on God's green earth that would insist a 10 month old baby be apart from his/her mother for that many hours on Christmas Day.
3, grandparents don't have rights.
4, this is a Him Problem. You don't need to engage with his parents nor consider their demands.
5, babies and 4 year olds don't have a concept of "what we always do" for Christmas because they are too darned young.

So ignore his bullshit and have a nice lunch with your little kids at a time that suits you. Mr Part Time Father can do one.

Aimtodobetter · 22/12/2025 20:09

Pikachu150 · 22/12/2025 19:27

He is still living with OP though so this year alternate Christmas does not apply.

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This! If he drags the kids away from the home both parents are living in to see his parents and thus separates the kids from their primary caregiver I can't see how are court would see this as anything other than poor parenting when the alternative was they spend the day with both parents in their own home.

Thechaseison71 · 22/12/2025 20:10

thepariscrimefiles · 22/12/2025 16:52

The baby is only 10 months, far too young to be away from her mum for very long. Her husband is a selfish prick who is only thinking about himself and what he wants.

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Does this only apply for this occasion? As many many 10 month olds spend longer than a few hours away from mum whether it be in nursery, childminders, grandparents doing childcare or shock horror even Dad looking after his own child

TheaBrandt1 · 22/12/2025 20:10

I’m with the pp. Fuck him. He has some nerve. Upend your life then merrily inform you you will be solo parenting the vast majority of the time - but he still gets the fun bits like Christmas ?! He’s having a laugh!

You need to put your foot down now on his “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine too” style of “parenting”.

Farmwifefarmlife · 22/12/2025 20:16

He sounds awful! What you proposed is reasonable. His parents and him are awful people, it would be a firm no. Just stick to your guns and he can take them from 2pm.

Original poster

Iris10000 · 22/12/2025 20:16

ttcat37 · 22/12/2025 19:46

What’s stopping you from saying “absolutely fucking not”? You don’t want it, sounds like your kids don’t want it, so why are you considering doing it to satisfy him who can’t actually be arsed with parenting, or to give the arsehole inlaws a nice day? Tell them to get fucked, the lot of them. The kids are at home, with their mum. No visits to the in laws on Christmas Day at all! Come on OP, stand up for yourself because no other fucker will.

He said he will take them to his parents anyway. He will promise more presents to the 4 year old to get her buy in. He said he has the same rights to kids as I do.

OP posts:

Freeme31 · 22/12/2025 20:19

No way OP tell him no and to get lost the cheek of the man