Things my DH has found to do while we are trying to leave for Christmas

[Bluebells81]

6hr car journey to PiL today. Thought it would be good to leave in morning. Stop for lunch etc So got everyone packed and ready yesterday, or so I thought...

So far DH has filled the morning with:

1. Buying special fuel for garden tool.
2. Filling said tool with fuel on allotment.
3. Buying Xmas present for child that I could have bought yesterday if I'd known he hadn't done this.
4. Vacuuming (he never vacuums under normal circumstances)
5. Winding DCs up with playfighting to the point that everyone got sent to separate rooms.
6. Buying (separate shopping trip) extra food for pet and present for next door neighbour.
7. washing and drying a load of laundry.

I can't even pack the car because he keeps using it for his errands.

There is no end in sight to this sudden domesticity. Nearly 1pm... still a 6hr journey ahead.

Pretty sure the OP will say she doesn’t drive.

I’d leave him to it then tell him it’s too late to go now so you’ll be leaving at 8 am tomorrow morning instead.

I agree you sound passive - I would’ve bitten his head off with sheer impatience by now. What an absolute irritating numpty. Makes me so glad I’m married to a grown up.

I understand bowel anxiety and long journeys. That's what imodiim is for though.

Dunno about this one, for a 6 hr journey i'd either leave at around 4am or 8pm, certainly wouldn't drive in the middle of the day.

YANBU he’s clearly stalling and doesn’t want to go. Was it his choice to go there?

Good grief - you must have the patience of a Saint, I really couldn't cope with that!
Did you agree on a time to leave? What does he say when you say 'We were supposed to be leaving at 9.30am, why are you doing that??' I would have lost my cool at the first chore started let alone any further down this list....
At this point I would be saying 'If we don't leave in the next 15 minutes I am not going at all'

My husband has ADHD and he always does this, drives me mad

MrMickhead has to deal with this shit from me. Im a bloody nuisance.

Presumably you had discussed what time you were planning on leaving ahead of today?

Has anyone told PIL you will no longer be arriving for dinner/today/at all?

Where is your inner roar OP, and why didn't you use it three hours ago? The consequences of his fuckwittery for everyone else are clear, but what consequences are you going to ensure he suffers? I do not believe this is the first time he has behaved like this, and there is a vast difference between doing the last minute jobs such as emptying the bins and cancelling the milk and the kind of tasks he has been messing about with.

I would honestly refuse to set out at this stage. It will be dark in a couple of hours and you will hit the rush hour traffic, making a long journey even more tiring. What is his solution and why are you putting up with this?

Just get in the car with the luggage and kids and lean on the horn.

He doesn't want to go.

If you want to go, just leave him behind. We are leaving at x o'clock, then leave at x o'clock. No, he can't have the car to run his late errands. That's done. You're off.

If you don't want to go without him, then don't go. Tell him that. Refuse to go if he, as a grown ass man, can't get his shit together enough to leave on time for a planned visit.

But this is rude as fuck and his winding the kids up before a 6 hour drive, fuck that.

I really struggle with this too. The sudden magical need to do some DIY they have been putting off for months

And then DH seems to have some deep inner need to be the last one out of the house and we all have to sit and fester in the car while he does mysterious things for hours (well 20 minutes but it feels like hours)

Two that come to mind for me, a massive row on the morning of a big party because Dh wanted to deep clean the sofa and argued it would be dry in time (I won that one but it caused a lot of stress). The day my BIL and kids arrived to stay and we had a mountain of prep to do Dh decided to get his toolbox out and fix the broken shelf of his computer desk which was not required in any way for the visitors. Another time I remember being really annoyed and asking him to help with the meal prep and he tried to prise the peeler out of my hands while I was literally using it. He has a good job and people say he is extremely clever, but I sometimes live with an idiot. I'm often tempted to say this when I hear people praise his so called intelligence.

His family?
Sit thyself down. Declare it's clear he doesn't want to go. .
What time are you expected there? Text ahead with his current jobs list before he blames you for not being ready..

I would be refusing to go now, would unpack everything and let him explain why you and the kids are not coming

I would love to hear from your perspective what is going on in your head at that point?
(And particularly whether you are aware of the negative impact on others and just don't care, or you don't think about that? Or maybe you are aware and feel bad but can't help yourself?)

Why can't he just hold his hands up and say 'i dont want to go'
Their his parents, not yours.

He wants to be able to blame it on anyone but himself. Wife, kids, it wasn't my fault, she said it was too late to go. 🙄

Mine does random, non essential shit when we have guests arriving. It's not like he is being lazy and avoiding tasks, he just picks really odd things to do. He'll go and weed the drive, or decide to fix the flush on a loo that guests won't even be using. Once he decided to sort out the garage 🤷‍♀️ to be fair, he never makes us late when we are going somewhere, just when people are coming over. He also does his share of cleaning etc normally, so god knows what the psychology is behind this. It's seemingly quite common.

Talk to him - don’t hint “we were supposed to leave at about 4 hours ago, you are clearly stalling. Do you not want to go?”

When I read these posts I just think… why wouldn’t you just say something?

mine did this too.i once left him in a hotel room in the maldives fixing his phone . i went to the pool and drank cocktails which i charged to the room whilst i waited for him ( 2 hours). We missed the trip he had booked us on to.