Things my DH has found to do while we are trying to leave for Christmas

[Bluebells81]

6hr car journey to PiL today. Thought it would be good to leave in morning. Stop for lunch etc So got everyone packed and ready yesterday, or so I thought...

So far DH has filled the morning with:

1. Buying special fuel for garden tool.
2. Filling said tool with fuel on allotment.
3. Buying Xmas present for child that I could have bought yesterday if I'd known he hadn't done this.
4. Vacuuming (he never vacuums under normal circumstances)
5. Winding DCs up with playfighting to the point that everyone got sent to separate rooms.
6. Buying (separate shopping trip) extra food for pet and present for next door neighbour.
7. washing and drying a load of laundry.

I can't even pack the car because he keeps using it for his errands.

There is no end in sight to this sudden domesticity. Nearly 1pm... still a 6hr journey ahead.

My husband does this too. We were flying to Barbados one christmas eve, an hour before we were due to leave the house, he's cleaning all the cars. That would be at home on the drive for 2 weeks 🙄
Ann hour later, heard him clattering the buckets and whatnot back into the garage and the next minute walks past the front window, mowing the grass. December!

Idgowitnout him and say you’ll see him there

I'm sorry but WTF. Can you not see that this is grossly abusive?

There is always one 🙄

Lol 😂
My Dh was the same. Decided to paint the front steps. Everyone ready and car packed for a 12 hour drive. Adult kids still bring it up and we all have a laugh.
And the poo that always takes priority haha

We generally don't travel for Christmas, but I do recall a year when we hosting people on Christmas Day and my husband was working in the morning of Christmas Eve (often does), so I was busy prepping food for Christmas Day, vacuuming, changing beds etc plus trying to keep the kids entertained and my husband when he finally finished work suddenly decided to clean all the bath toys. Annoyed doesn't even begin to go there.

He doesn't want to go.

@Bluebells81 the hedges during labour really takes the piss! When I was in labour Dh drove me to his workplace 'by mistake'.

My husband does this, I don’t think it’s anything against your plans but it’s not your plans, I guess, if your going to see his parents.

I think, if I think of why my husband does it. It’s more like an anxiety thing. Like how we feel the whole house need to be spotless before going on holiday. Maybe this is a big thing for him so everything needs to be done so he can relax and enjoy where he’s going.

No. I mean a nervous breakdown. Like full on nervous breakdown.
It’s absolutely horrific.

My dh isn’t as extreme but is prone to lateness. He has a list in his head that he wants to get done before we go. This list isn’t able to be re prioritised or cut short if he runs out of time.
We also have to sit in the car waiting for all his last minute checks of the house.
Definitely an anxiety thing. He has got better over the years as he knows he’ll get a lot of grief from me.

I’m not giving him a diagnosis to lean on. He’s a grown man who works daily on projects and is great at his job.

Fair enough! 😃

My DH does this too, one year 10 minutes before we needed to leave he decided he had time to pressure wash the car.

OPs DC are going to grow up and think this kind of abusive behaviour is normal.

Trimming the hedges during labour is plain straight abusive. How can you share a bed with such a specimen OP?

It completely is.
As children you don't understand why every special occasion is always stressful and full of angst.
Birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, weddings, holidays always associated with stress and unnecessary upset.
So confusing.

My sisters wedding morning was full of stress because my father left it to then to go to be fitted for his wedding suit as it was a white tie wedding.
Unbelievable as he knew about it for a year and had been reminded so many times.
He tried to cause upset but he was blanked by us and ignored.
I never acknowledged him for the rest of the day.
Will never forget it.
That was the last time I attended any celebration with him.
I simply refused to have him near any celebration of mine or my children.
I would bring up his behaviour the day of my sisters wedding and that I would neither forgive nor forget it.

My two other siblings married without telling our parents.
My father claimed he couldn't understand why his children kept him and my mother at a great distance from their lives.
They were never invited to any happy moments involving grandchildren.
It is only in the last decade that I joined the dots and covert narcissism educated me as to what was really going on.
The damage to a childhood is real.
There is nothing benign about such behaviour.

This isn't as bad as your situation but it got me thinking about when I was a
kid and the family was going somewhere. We would all be sitting in the car while dad was going through the house checking every room for running water, lights on, appliances left on etc. It seemed to take forever but being a kid , I really had no sense of time.

My friends husband does that but it seems more his anxiety about forgetting something rather than anything sinister.
He ticks off a list in the car before driving away.
My husband also has a travel list that he goes through every time we travel.
I really think that is ok and reasonable.
They are not messing about but trying to secure the house.

most men take to the loo when its time to go. times i have been ready when they have decided they must go and sit in the loo for a ridiculous amount of time!

At least he's doing things, chill.

You have low standards.

My husband also exhibits this type of behaviour - he is definitely on the spectrum somewhere! It drove me mad when the children were little - days out, holidays, weddings etc always ended up starting off with us not speaking because he just didn't realise how annoying he was being. These days I've solved the problem by travelling separately as much as possible! I tell him where I'll be and he can turn up if and when he wants! It works for us 😅

He iz very rude and inconsiderate. He clearly doesn't want to go. I would have asked him why. If he doesn't want to take the car and leave him behind.

Sounds like that's his plan!

Possibly! And that's why I always have my own car to leave if needed!