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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at DP going on a trip

298 replies

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 12:27

Myself and my partner have been saving up for a while but also have our own personal spending money. I was saving mine up for us to have a city break in Italy as DP had made a comment a few months ago about wanting to go to Italy. When I surprised him with the tickets he had reacted badly and said it was a bad idea to gift someone a holiday and I’d just given him a problem. I had explained I was going to cover all expenses etc but he was fuming. I was very hurt and we didn’t speak for 2 days. He told me he had no intention of going due to the principle of me booking a trip without consulting him and also because he would feel pressure to take spending money and he wants to be frugal next year.

Eventually he came around and said he wasn’t happy with what I’d done but he “may as well come if already booked”. We are going in March but it’s all going to be a bit awkward and tainted now.

He joined an online group for a hobby (gaming) he likes about 2/3 weeks ago and has built a good rapport with another member of the group. This person has now invited DP to visit them in Bulgaria where they live for a few days to do the shared hobby and go out etc. DP has told me he’s going in January. It’s all a bit weird but DP is a grown man and built like a brick shithouse so I’m not worried about him in that respect.

But I feel hurt that he was so mean when I tried to surprise him with a romantic city break due to perceived pressure for him to splash the cash (which he wouldn’t have needed to), but he’s happy to spend hundreds to visit some random guy online who he met 2 weeks ago on a forum for a mobile game. He says he wants to make friends as most of his old friendships have fizzled out.

AIBU to be a bit hurt

OP posts:
Annie202 · 22/12/2025 12:33

I am sorry you have landed a soulless twerp. I would be chucking this one back and enjoying Italy, and my life, either with a friend or on my own.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 22/12/2025 12:37

because he would feel pressure to take spending money and he wants to be frugal next year.

That's clearly gone out the window.

sittingonabeach · 22/12/2025 12:37

Why do you need to visit someone for a gaming online hobby?

THisbackwithavengeance · 22/12/2025 12:39

Are you sure he’s visiting a man in Bulgaria?

Arlanymor · 22/12/2025 12:44

Red flags....

  1. online gaming is online - you don't need to go to another country
  2. he wants to be frugal in 2026 to the extent that he got pissy about a surprise gift trip, but now he's happy to spank his cash in the first month of the year?
  3. he's only known this person for 2/3 WEEKS but is planning a 1,500 mile trip to visit them in person within the next few WEEKS...

This doesn't add up at all OP, sorry but it doesn't.

JudgeBread · 22/12/2025 12:45

Some people really, really don't like surprises. I'm the same, I wouldn't want a holiday booked for me because I like to choose where I go and be involved in the planning.

The thing is everyone in my life knows this about me and wouldn't dream of doing it, whereas your partner obviously hadn't told you that big surprises were unwanted - it's not your fault you didn't know and he handled it appallingly, he was very rude and childish about it when a quiet discussion would've sufficed. Him being continually pouty about it afterwards would be a huge turn off for me as well.

Is it too late to tell him to stuff it and take a friend on the break instead? I think that's what I'd be inclined to do since he's now acting like he's coming with you as a favour.

Alltheusefulitems · 22/12/2025 12:45

If you were my friend or a family member I would be supporting you to end the relationship because you deserve so much more from a partner than a man who gets the ump and doesn't speak to you for 2 days after you surprise him with a holiday.

And that's without all the other nonsense that's going on with him!

5128gap · 22/12/2025 12:46

He wants to do what he wants to do and is strongly resistant to having his time organised by you.
This may be because he deeply values his autonomy, or may be because he's not overly thrilled with the idea of doing things with you.
Either way, it's a problem, because his reaction to your perfectly normal gesture was unusual and unkind. He could have thanked you and then told you at another point he preferred not to have holidays booked for him if that's the problem.
If its about going away with you, then that doesn't speak well for a future.
Either way, I'd be seriously rethinking this one.

thesugarbumfairy · 22/12/2025 12:48

His reaction was really unpleasant. I'd not be happy if I was gifted a holiday without being consulted either, however, there was no need to have a massive strop about it. The adult response would be to point out that a conversation should have been had, but that he really appreciated the gesture and would love to come (if convenient), and that he would just have to be careful with funds.

The Bulgaria thing is a separate issue really. He can do what he likes of course, but it sounds extremely odd / dodgy /whatever you want to call it. You are not number one in his pecking order I'm afraid and I would dump him and take a mate to Italy.

WackyRacers · 22/12/2025 12:48

I don’t think this person he’s visiting is a man either. Men don’t travel thousands of miles to meet online men friends

Throwmoneyatit · 22/12/2025 12:51

Take back the invite! Then consider dumping him. Selfish, ungrateful prick!!!

Take someone else with you or enjoy Italy on your own!

You deserve better!!!

ZenNudist · 22/12/2025 12:52

Dump him. Take a friend or go alone.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/12/2025 12:52

If you think being in a relationship with such a deeply unpleasant person who makes you sad is better than being single, I would really urge you to have counselling/talk to a friend to get to the bottom of it, so that you do t go through life tolerating unpleasant men like this. Not wanting a surprise holiday isn’t the point, it’s how he treated you about it.

grapesstrawberriespleass · 22/12/2025 12:52

Why would you even consider staying with a man who makes you feel shit for booking a surprise trip for him and then doesn’t talk to you for two days? Find your self respect, girl!

EcoChica1980 · 22/12/2025 12:56

Sorry this man sounds like a total baby.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 22/12/2025 12:56

I wouldn't be 'a bit hurt' by his actions, I'd see them as a massive red flag.

How long have you been with your DP? Hope you don't live together! I would be planning a quick exit.

DolefullySingingMotherfucka · 22/12/2025 12:58

Ditch the partner, take someone else to Italy, have a wonderful time.

BusyMum47 · 22/12/2025 12:58

Annie202 · 22/12/2025 12:33

I am sorry you have landed a soulless twerp. I would be chucking this one back and enjoying Italy, and my life, either with a friend or on my own.

This! ⬆️ He's a dick. Dump him.

Sartre · 22/12/2025 12:59

My first instinct was to question whether he’s meeting a man in Bulgaria… I know a few people who have met partners through online gaming. The fact he was upset about having to spend money on a trip with you because he wants to be frugal, but in the same breath is happy to go meet a randomer abroad speaks volumes. I’d be suspicious.

He was also pretty horrible to you when you clearly wanted to do something nice for him. Complete overreaction. I’d change passenger details and take a friend or go alone.

Original poster
KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:09

It’s all quite upsetting and I feel like a controlling girlfriend for being upset but I genuinely don’t get it.

his attitude when I surprised him with the Italy trip was really upsetting and hurtful. Then he finally agreed to come as it was non-refundable but it’s going to be tainted.

Then we’ve had issues with him being a bit addicted to these games too, they are the first thing he does in the morning and last thing he does at night. He’s literally only been on this particular game for 2-3 weeks and has built up a “team” and this bloke is a member of his team

the bloke he’s going to meet seems to have a really interesting house and garden and does have some cool hobbies and keeps exotic animals etc but it’s still really fucking weird

OP posts:
Isayitasitis · 22/12/2025 13:09

Most people would have jumped for joy at your kindness. Please op, please for the love of anything you hold dear, get rid of this soul sucker.

toomuchfaff · 22/12/2025 13:11

Hes just not that into you. (Movie quote)

No seriously - massive red flag to have such a reaction when gifted a holiday, to then book a huge trip for "online gaming friend"... yeah ok.

Take back the invite. Go with someone who appreciates you

arethereanyleftatall · 22/12/2025 13:12

Genuinely op - it isn’t you, it’s him. He’s an arsehole. Stop soul searching why he’s done anything, or what you’ve done wrong - nothing. It’s simply that he’s an arsehole, that’s why he behaves like an arsehole. Dump him.

Original poster
KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:13

arethereanyleftatall · 22/12/2025 13:12

Genuinely op - it isn’t you, it’s him. He’s an arsehole. Stop soul searching why he’s done anything, or what you’ve done wrong - nothing. It’s simply that he’s an arsehole, that’s why he behaves like an arsehole. Dump him.

He made me cry in a restaurant when we discussed the Italy trip I had booked.

It’s just really hurtful that he’s so keen to go to a random country to visit a random bloke. It shows it’s not really about the money it’s about me not being interesting enough to spend his time with

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 22/12/2025 13:15

This does not pass the smell test at all.

He's mad when you find a trip and he wants to be frugal but he's off in Jan to visit an "online gaming friend" of a couple of weeks in Bulgaria?

Naw. Open your eyes.

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