To be upset at DP going on a trip

[KorinaMure]

Myself and my partner have been saving up for a while but also have our own personal spending money. I was saving mine up for us to have a city break in Italy as DP had made a comment a few months ago about wanting to go to Italy. When I surprised him with the tickets he had reacted badly and said it was a bad idea to gift someone a holiday and I’d just given him a problem. I had explained I was going to cover all expenses etc but he was fuming. I was very hurt and we didn’t speak for 2 days. He told me he had no intention of going due to the principle of me booking a trip without consulting him and also because he would feel pressure to take spending money and he wants to be frugal next year.

Eventually he came around and said he wasn’t happy with what I’d done but he “may as well come if already booked”. We are going in March but it’s all going to be a bit awkward and tainted now.

He joined an online group for a hobby (gaming) he likes about 2/3 weeks ago and has built a good rapport with another member of the group. This person has now invited DP to visit them in Bulgaria where they live for a few days to do the shared hobby and go out etc. DP has told me he’s going in January. It’s all a bit weird but DP is a grown man and built like a brick shithouse so I’m not worried about him in that respect.

But I feel hurt that he was so mean when I tried to surprise him with a romantic city break due to perceived pressure for him to splash the cash (which he wouldn’t have needed to), but he’s happy to spend hundreds to visit some random guy online who he met 2 weeks ago on a forum for a mobile game. He says he wants to make friends as most of his old friendships have fizzled out.

AIBU to be a bit hurt

I’m sorry to ask you this, but do you think he may be bisexual? He seems to be happy for you to go off on holiday alone, and now all this with a virtual stranger. I’d like to bet he was going to meet up with this man for sex but the other guy has got cold feet and told him not to come.
please don’t even think about getting pregnant until you know for sure what is going on, and if you have any suspicions get yourself a health check.

He’s an idiot. Don’t have a child with him, he sounds like a child himself. You will have 20+ years of looking after the child predominantly alone by sounds of it. Dump him and soon so your older self can look back and be glad you dodged a bullet. Red flags 🚩 galore here.

Crikey OP, based on your updates do not have a child with this man. You will never know anything for certain. I am sorry but he sounds an utter bell end. Certainly not ready for fatherhood. I’m sorry.

I bet he doesn't want to go to Italy so he's not having to limit his gaming time when at tourist attractions.

Get rid.

I'm always baffled as to why women prioritise having babies with unsuitable sperm donors over everything else in their life.

This needs to be a head over heart decision.

If this story is true( starting to doubt as no update) he's either extremely cruel and wanted to put you in your place with his 'joke'..or...he joined the game as a cover for someone he was interested in and only speaks via the game so no messages could be found and shes possibly lost interest...or...he totally misconstrued the very vague
" invitation" to visit from the man( paid tours etc) he misinterprets social cues from friends you said..and this guy has realised he's a weirdo and made it clear he's not invited..Either was do not procreate with this man..please get rid.

PLEASE PLEASE split up with this man and fgs do not have a baby with him.

You are really young still and can find someone SO much better.

Yeah i would be STRONGLY reconsidering a baby with this man OP he isnt going to stop the game when baby comes- he cant even put it down long enough to watch a film! .

And your selfish for spending YOUR money on a holiday for him...wow

Yet you will stay with him, and have that baby.

Ugh, just ugh. I hope you've finished with this man child.

It's nice to meet the people who play your game, they become a community type thing. DP has played a real time game for a decade and I've encouraged him to visit his friends (he doesn't really have real life friends sadly).

I’d be dumping him and swapping the name on his ticket and take someone else

Hmm his overreaction to your kind offer of a holiday sounds dodgy. He may well have already planned this break in January and was delaying telling you so that he could choose the best moment as he didn't intend to invite you as well. You then sprung it on him which made him feel guilty about his underhand intentions. I would have doubts about this "new" friendship and possibly even the destination. The friend may or may not be male, and you may even find out your boyfriend is bi-sexual. I would delay pregnancy for at least six months to ensure you can rely on this relationship.

The way this guy is behaving is irrelevant. You are definitely not ready or even fit to become a mother yet - not until you have learned to put your possible child first. At the moment, you have your fingers stuck firmly in your ears and are screaming la la la! at the top of your voice and refusing to engage with any of the issues people are raising here.

A good mother would never dream of inflicting a man like this, or a relationship like this, on a child. A good mother stops and thinks very carefully about what sort of a man she chooses to father her precious children. She has the option of leaving him later. They are stuck with him for life, and the damage that a poor parent does is immense and often irreversible.

Please stop being so selfish and self-centred. Get rid of this abusive loser and spend some time in therapy figuring out why you have stayed with him for this long and considered him as a candidate for fathering your children. You need to find your self-respect, which is currently on the floor. But more importantly, you need to think a lot more deeply about what you owe to your future children. At present, this doesn't even seem to have crossed your mind.

Very weird. I wouldn't have a kid with him.

Prick, hopefully they harvest his organs.

He sounds like a fucking weirdo

And take a friend to Italy

Cherchez la femme

What the hell have I just read? Op he is a fucking weirdo. Please don’t saddle your self with a house and bay by this man.

I canr dress it up into something fancy but having a baby with him? Are you insane?

He sounds awful, but totally separate to that no i wouldnt surprise someone with a holiday plan together yes absolutely

Me and DH surprise each other with holidays/city breaks loads. It’s always well received and met with thanks and happiness. Her husbands response to a kind gesture is so weird.

I dont see how that is relevant to the op if you and your dh doing it meant it works for everyone the op wouldn't have happened in the first place

As hard as it may be to get not everyone likes surprise holidays, and not every thing works the same for everyone

He still sounds like a moron and I prssume the op may go on to say there were no red flags to notice in the future