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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset at DP going on a trip

298 replies

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 12:27

Myself and my partner have been saving up for a while but also have our own personal spending money. I was saving mine up for us to have a city break in Italy as DP had made a comment a few months ago about wanting to go to Italy. When I surprised him with the tickets he had reacted badly and said it was a bad idea to gift someone a holiday and I’d just given him a problem. I had explained I was going to cover all expenses etc but he was fuming. I was very hurt and we didn’t speak for 2 days. He told me he had no intention of going due to the principle of me booking a trip without consulting him and also because he would feel pressure to take spending money and he wants to be frugal next year.

Eventually he came around and said he wasn’t happy with what I’d done but he “may as well come if already booked”. We are going in March but it’s all going to be a bit awkward and tainted now.

He joined an online group for a hobby (gaming) he likes about 2/3 weeks ago and has built a good rapport with another member of the group. This person has now invited DP to visit them in Bulgaria where they live for a few days to do the shared hobby and go out etc. DP has told me he’s going in January. It’s all a bit weird but DP is a grown man and built like a brick shithouse so I’m not worried about him in that respect.

But I feel hurt that he was so mean when I tried to surprise him with a romantic city break due to perceived pressure for him to splash the cash (which he wouldn’t have needed to), but he’s happy to spend hundreds to visit some random guy online who he met 2 weeks ago on a forum for a mobile game. He says he wants to make friends as most of his old friendships have fizzled out.

AIBU to be a bit hurt

OP posts:
Dita73 · 22/12/2025 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Getdne · 22/12/2025 22:59

He is a nasty abusive liar, that treats you badly and a gaming arsehole to boot, and you want to inflict him on a child?
Unbelievable.
Poor child,

Greenfingers37 · 23/12/2025 00:02

He sounds truly awful, OP. Or does he have any redeeming features you haven’t told us about?

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 23/12/2025 08:43

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 18:38

Christ it gets weirder! He came home a few
minutes ago and I told him it was all weird and wasn’t adding up that he’d spend hundreds to go and spend 3 days in a Bulgarian village in February with a guy he met on a game 2 weeks ago. I said I wanted to know what the fuck it was all about. He started laughing and said it was a wind-up and he’s not going. He said the online friend did genuinely ask but he has no intention of going but wanted to wind me up. WTF

seriously I can’t be fucking bothered with him anymore. Nearly 30 years of age

Edited

What does cannot be bothered with him anymore mean?

Bikergran · 23/12/2025 09:15

Have you a female friend who would like to join you instead? Probably wouldn't cost much to change the name on the booking and the room to a twin!! Just tell him brightly you've sorted it and he can save for Bulgaria!!!

BauhausOfEliott · 23/12/2025 10:14

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 18:38

Christ it gets weirder! He came home a few
minutes ago and I told him it was all weird and wasn’t adding up that he’d spend hundreds to go and spend 3 days in a Bulgarian village in February with a guy he met on a game 2 weeks ago. I said I wanted to know what the fuck it was all about. He started laughing and said it was a wind-up and he’s not going. He said the online friend did genuinely ask but he has no intention of going but wanted to wind me up. WTF

seriously I can’t be fucking bothered with him anymore. Nearly 30 years of age

Edited

Dump him. He’s abusive.

ForPinkCrab · 23/12/2025 10:16

as an older mum and nan, I’ve seen and had a lot of life’s experiences ! Watched my 3 kids be in destroying relationships , and now thank goodness are all settled with good ones, they are all around your age too . I’ve also been married twice and had my fair share of hurtful men.
Please , if you have any self respect , think of your future with this man. No he won’t change if a baby comes along. It will be a hindrance to him , he won’t be able to do what he wants and I can just see massive hurt and pain to you on the horizon . You might reason all these women haven’t seen the nice side of him , but believe me ,even if he does have a nice side , that will dwindle once he has real responsibilities . He sounds very immature and needy, there’s a reason he can’t keep his friends , he’s probably pushed himself onto this Bulgarian guy who’s told him to back off . Even if he does give up the gaming on his phone he will find another outlet , you are not his 1st priority , please please, in the New year , give you head a big wobble and put your big girl pants on and reconsider your future . You are far better than he is , value yourself ! X

HessianSack · 23/12/2025 10:19

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 18:38

Christ it gets weirder! He came home a few
minutes ago and I told him it was all weird and wasn’t adding up that he’d spend hundreds to go and spend 3 days in a Bulgarian village in February with a guy he met on a game 2 weeks ago. I said I wanted to know what the fuck it was all about. He started laughing and said it was a wind-up and he’s not going. He said the online friend did genuinely ask but he has no intention of going but wanted to wind me up. WTF

seriously I can’t be fucking bothered with him anymore. Nearly 30 years of age

Edited

So he’s realised the Bulgaria thing was never really a formal invite so pretended he’d been joking about it to save face? He sounds like an idiot.

ClawedButler · 23/12/2025 10:37

FFS, OP, pick your standards up off the floor and have some self-respect.

francii · 23/12/2025 10:47

He’s lying op. He’s went away and realised by himself that Bulgaria is a silly idea. But instead of being somewhat mature and saying oh I’ve been a bit silly and got carried away, he’s decided to gaslight you. Very concerning behaviour.

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/12/2025 10:52

"... most of his old friendships have fizzled out."

What a surprise.

lazyarse123 · 23/12/2025 10:57

Annie202 · 22/12/2025 12:33

I am sorry you have landed a soulless twerp. I would be chucking this one back and enjoying Italy, and my life, either with a friend or on my own.

This. What an ungrateful twat.

Stompythedinosaur · 23/12/2025 11:23

May as well come? What an arse. How dare he.

Not a chance I'd take him. Enjoy your holiday alone or with a friend!

JHound · 23/12/2025 11:28

I would put this one in the trash.

JHound · 23/12/2025 11:31

CatsKoalasBunnies123 · 22/12/2025 13:30

Sorry, but if you continue to TTC with him you are as dumb and desperate as he is a weird arsehole.

I feel sorry for the child being brought into this.

Show quote history

This. Basically this.

Tamtim · 23/12/2025 11:43

Is this a wind up? If it’s not, this man is strange at best. He’s playing games or lying. You don’t treat your partner this way. He’s got a lot of growing up to do and it doesn’t look like he’s doing it any time soon. He’s not worth it. Do not get pregnant.

Swash89 · 23/12/2025 12:11

Get rid of him.

Pessismistic · 23/12/2025 18:25

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 18:38

Christ it gets weirder! He came home a few
minutes ago and I told him it was all weird and wasn’t adding up that he’d spend hundreds to go and spend 3 days in a Bulgarian village in February with a guy he met on a game 2 weeks ago. I said I wanted to know what the fuck it was all about. He started laughing and said it was a wind-up and he’s not going. He said the online friend did genuinely ask but he has no intention of going but wanted to wind me up. WTF

seriously I can’t be fucking bothered with him anymore. Nearly 30 years of age

Edited

Omg what a big fucking kid I really don’t think your relationship is strong enough for you to have a kid. Op men like this don’t step up for parenting if he’s always on his gaming station do you really think a kid is going to change him. Not speaking for 2 days because you surprised him with a thoughtful gift and he gets pissed off no sorry I would have told him to forget it your not unreasonable he is tho. Stupid twat.

LouiseK93 · 23/12/2025 18:40

My thoughts exactly.
OP has done the loveliest thing for him and he reacted with anger which is a seriously ODD reaction.
Maybe he was planning on seeing 'Bulgaria person' in Italy so was casually mentioning it to build up to 'im going to Italy with said person' but now had to change it?

Calendulaaria · 23/12/2025 19:46

You're in a world of pain if you have a child with this man(child).

Mackerelfillets · 23/12/2025 19:53

For fucks sake please RUN. What an awful man. Do you want your kids to have him for a dad? I dated a guy once who made me cry on my birthday because i felt ill and he was looking foward to going out. Needless to say we aren't together.

SunMoonandChocolate · 23/12/2025 20:16

I think he's probably told this bloke that he's booking his flights, and the guy or his wife, have said no way are they hosting a stranger, so he's told you that he made it up, just so he doesn't lose face.

TWO THINGS OP

1). Boot his arse out NOW!

  1. If you can't bring yourself to get rid, then please FGS use contraception, NO child deserves to be brought into a relationship like this.
Milosc · 23/12/2025 21:28

What are you with this dickhead? A good partner does not wind you up because it's funny. Do not have a child with him. He sounds absolutely horrible. This one needs to be tossed back. He doesn't care about you at all and is a self absorbed ass. Go to Italy with a friend and have a grand time. He can fuck off.

RedFrogs · 23/12/2025 22:20

All sounds weird. What was his point of making up this story as it wasn’t funny. His reaction to the holiday sounds like he’s playing games as well. Like he’s trying to make you feel bad for spending your money on a gift for him as he spend his money on himself, so he’s playing it like you did something that was wrong, but he’ll just go along with it reluctantly. I bet if you said “oh ok I’ll just invite one of my friends instead if you don’t want to go” he would have been annoyed.

outerspacepotato · 23/12/2025 22:44

Run.

This guy will make a horrible father. And a horrible partner, but damn. He's playing some sick ass games with you.

Just run.