To be upset at DP going on a trip

[KorinaMure]

Myself and my partner have been saving up for a while but also have our own personal spending money. I was saving mine up for us to have a city break in Italy as DP had made a comment a few months ago about wanting to go to Italy. When I surprised him with the tickets he had reacted badly and said it was a bad idea to gift someone a holiday and I’d just given him a problem. I had explained I was going to cover all expenses etc but he was fuming. I was very hurt and we didn’t speak for 2 days. He told me he had no intention of going due to the principle of me booking a trip without consulting him and also because he would feel pressure to take spending money and he wants to be frugal next year.

Eventually he came around and said he wasn’t happy with what I’d done but he “may as well come if already booked”. We are going in March but it’s all going to be a bit awkward and tainted now.

He joined an online group for a hobby (gaming) he likes about 2/3 weeks ago and has built a good rapport with another member of the group. This person has now invited DP to visit them in Bulgaria where they live for a few days to do the shared hobby and go out etc. DP has told me he’s going in January. It’s all a bit weird but DP is a grown man and built like a brick shithouse so I’m not worried about him in that respect.

But I feel hurt that he was so mean when I tried to surprise him with a romantic city break due to perceived pressure for him to splash the cash (which he wouldn’t have needed to), but he’s happy to spend hundreds to visit some random guy online who he met 2 weeks ago on a forum for a mobile game. He says he wants to make friends as most of his old friendships have fizzled out.

AIBU to be a bit hurt

Please, please in the name of everything don't saddle a child with this useless selfish arsewipe for a father.

How will he react at 3am when the baby has colic? When the toddler wants attention and he's gaming? When it's a choice between a family holiday and something he wants?

He won't change. HE. WILL. NOT. CHANGE.

I don’t really agree with ‘surprise holidays’ because the other person is just suddenly landed with it without the chance to give any input or think about it.

But apart from that your partner is being a bit of an arse - he’d mentioned Italy and you did something nice for him and he was grudging about it. And he booked a gaming holiday with a stranger - no.

OP PLEASE listen and dump him. And please get some helpful books or counselling to understand why you think this is better than being single. It really really isn’t! Please don’t marry this idiot or have a baby with him, you will always come second fiddle to this ridiculous gaming. My friends husband had an affair with a girl he met online gaming. I’d be extremely suspicious of him travelling to meet someone he just met. As others have said ONLINE gaming does not need in person contact. Another friends husband had an affair with a woman he said was a man from his running club. As it’s online you have no proof it’s a man do you?

If you cant make a good decision for yourself please make it for your unconceived child and give them the very best father possible! Its not this man!!

It’s a mobile anime game

Immediately stop TTC with this insensitive controlling jerk who makes you cry in public and is behaving in a highly suspicious way.

Ffs. Stop ttc immediately. And take a friend to italy.

ffs we have such an epidemic of poor self esteem of women.

There is absolutely no way. Do you know for sure this new “friend” is a man or are you only going off what your partner has told you? Have you heard his voice on phone calls for example?

I’m sorry but a man freaking out and saying you’re putting them in a terrible position for some reason by offering them a trip together isn’t just strange - it screams he is having an affair.

I’ve seen the instagram account of the guy as he has an online following for showing his exotic animals and he appears to offer paid tours for people to come and interact with them. So I don’t think they’d spend the whole weekend gaming but I still just do not get it

oh my god please please please don’t have a child with this man! You are worth more than this, it’s clear he prioritises gaming over you, this man is not ready to be a partner let alone a parent. He sounds like a manchild. In your shoes I would be getting rid and enjoy going to Italy alone.

That’s genuinely creepy.

Well hopefully your boyfriend gets fed to a snake and you can go to Italy with someone nice.

Bury your head in the sand all you like. Saddle yourself with this unpleasant man if you can’t handle being single if you like.

but bringing a child in to this world with a shit head as a father who you already know is selfish and unpleasant would be a terrible thing to do.

Afraid I wholeheartedly agree with this. He is selfish, impulsive, spendthrift, petulant and immature.

Can you imagine what kind of father he will be? Because it's pretty obvious.

Do you want to raise dc who copy his behaviour when they don't get exactly their own way? (And who are stuck on their games when you are trying to get them to school/the tea table/bed, because they are seeing dad do the same?)

Something is odd about it to be honest. They literally only text each other within the confines of the message function built-in within the game. I wonder if the other guy has just been telling my partner about himself and what he does and my partner has misunderstood and thought it was an invite? Or maybe just a casual “You can come and see if you’re ever in Bulgaria”, (you know when you say stuff to be nice but don’t actually mean it) and then DP has taken it seriously?

I know I keep repeating it but it is weird as fuck

Yuk yuk yuk.
He sounds clueless & revolting.
Not a chance in hell I would be TTC with a giant toddler.

Pick your bar up off the floor.

This man wouldnt be my partner in 2026 and would have zero chance of becoming my husband or father to my children.

Why WHY would you want to live with this awful man baby child?????

If its loneliness get a dog.
If it's sex get a vibrator.

And for the love of all things holy stop actively trying to get pregnant with him.
If nothing else... stop that.
You have no concept of what you are signing up for by having a child with this (by your own description) loser.

I’m deffo not burying my head in the sand, I’m just finding the whole thing incredibly WTF

You sound really lovely and I hope in a few years time you can look back at this and laugh about how you used to go out with someone who gamed first thing in the morning and late into the night. Someone who is frugal (aka tight), who sulked and ignored you because you surprised him with a trip to Italy, someone who doesn’t have any friends and is so desperate for them he’ll go and meet a random stranger in Bulgaria.

For gods sake please set some higher standards for yourself, and don’t even think about trying to bring a child into this. He sounds like a terrible boyfriend, who would make an awful father.

Wow you'd be crazy to have a child with someone like this. This is your wonderful warning to stop.
You're agonising about his mental state and life circumstances when he doesn't give a damn.. a child does not deserve this (neither do you, but you can leave)

Good Grief stop TTC with this man. Why would you chose him to be a Farther for your future child. You and your chid deserve better

Who cares, forget his trip...use the time to leave.

He treats your terribly...why would you stay??

He sounds extremely immature, yuck. Also small minded and ungrateful. But most of all- controlling. He is having a meltdown because he’s not in control re the holiday. A controlling man will make a terrible, nasty father and husband.

Not the language I would use but the message is the same.