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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at DP going on a trip

298 replies

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 12:27

Myself and my partner have been saving up for a while but also have our own personal spending money. I was saving mine up for us to have a city break in Italy as DP had made a comment a few months ago about wanting to go to Italy. When I surprised him with the tickets he had reacted badly and said it was a bad idea to gift someone a holiday and I’d just given him a problem. I had explained I was going to cover all expenses etc but he was fuming. I was very hurt and we didn’t speak for 2 days. He told me he had no intention of going due to the principle of me booking a trip without consulting him and also because he would feel pressure to take spending money and he wants to be frugal next year.

Eventually he came around and said he wasn’t happy with what I’d done but he “may as well come if already booked”. We are going in March but it’s all going to be a bit awkward and tainted now.

He joined an online group for a hobby (gaming) he likes about 2/3 weeks ago and has built a good rapport with another member of the group. This person has now invited DP to visit them in Bulgaria where they live for a few days to do the shared hobby and go out etc. DP has told me he’s going in January. It’s all a bit weird but DP is a grown man and built like a brick shithouse so I’m not worried about him in that respect.

But I feel hurt that he was so mean when I tried to surprise him with a romantic city break due to perceived pressure for him to splash the cash (which he wouldn’t have needed to), but he’s happy to spend hundreds to visit some random guy online who he met 2 weeks ago on a forum for a mobile game. He says he wants to make friends as most of his old friendships have fizzled out.

AIBU to be a bit hurt

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 22/12/2025 13:16

I would not want to be with a man like this and I would take someone else to Italy. I doubt he is visiting a man in Bulgaria he met online 3 weeks ago.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 22/12/2025 13:18

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:13

He made me cry in a restaurant when we discussed the Italy trip I had booked.

It’s just really hurtful that he’s so keen to go to a random country to visit a random bloke. It shows it’s not really about the money it’s about me not being interesting enough to spend his time with

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Its really frustrating to see so many lovely warm giving women on MN convinced that they are the problem, rather than their clearly shitty boyfriends!

He isn't interested in spending time with you DOES NOT mean you are not interesting. If he wants to go to Bulgaria to see a man he met online who has exotic animals and a garden - that is not a reflection on YOU. It is a reflection of his lack of maturity, idiocy, possible sexual ambivalence. Please see this for what it is - a reflection on HIM not you!

themerchentofvenus · 22/12/2025 13:18

@KorinaMure the whole thing is odd. He kicks up merry hell over what is a lovely gesture yet is willing to travel 1000+ miles to another country to meet someone he met 2 weeks ago. Very creepy.

Personally I'd be going to Italy without him and take your mum or a friend instead!

How long have you been together??

Original poster
KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:20

I know he’s a bit lonely lately as his friendships have fizzled out and his best mate moved away and he has been saying he wishes he had more friends.

but surely would be better to have local friends who he can go to the pub with etc. what’s the point of visiting a random gaming friend in Bulgaria for 3 nights, it’s weird as fuck. I’m not saying online friendships can’t be valuable but it’s been 3 weeks ffs. He spends money on the game as it is and now it’s reaching new heights

were also TTC and fair chance I could be pregnant by February though I do appreciate he can’t put his life on hold for that but it’s all just weird

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 22/12/2025 13:21

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:13

He made me cry in a restaurant when we discussed the Italy trip I had booked.

It’s just really hurtful that he’s so keen to go to a random country to visit a random bloke. It shows it’s not really about the money it’s about me not being interesting enough to spend his time with

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And yet you still appear to be with him. Why?

arethereanyleftatall · 22/12/2025 13:23

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:13

He made me cry in a restaurant when we discussed the Italy trip I had booked.

It’s just really hurtful that he’s so keen to go to a random country to visit a random bloke. It shows it’s not really about the money it’s about me not being interesting enough to spend his time with

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I can see that it’s hurtful op. What no one here can understand is why you are still with him? Relationships aren’t mandatory, they are there if they make you happier and aren’t required if they don’t. Are their children involved or a specific reason why you haven’t finished with him?

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 22/12/2025 13:24

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/12/2025 13:21

And yet you still appear to be with him. Why?

Show quote history

And, trying to have a child with him too, it appears! Why??

If you stay with him and have a child, a few years from now you will be posting about how he's neglecting you and your child, and not pulling his weight with child care, and going off to do his own thing, and it will come as a massive surprise. Please see this for the red flag and warning sign it is of things to come.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/12/2025 13:25

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:20

I know he’s a bit lonely lately as his friendships have fizzled out and his best mate moved away and he has been saying he wishes he had more friends.

but surely would be better to have local friends who he can go to the pub with etc. what’s the point of visiting a random gaming friend in Bulgaria for 3 nights, it’s weird as fuck. I’m not saying online friendships can’t be valuable but it’s been 3 weeks ffs. He spends money on the game as it is and now it’s reaching new heights

were also TTC and fair chance I could be pregnant by February though I do appreciate he can’t put his life on hold for that but it’s all just weird

Stop TTC!! Please please stop op. Not with this man.

YourTidyGreyRobin · 22/12/2025 13:26

JudgeBread · 22/12/2025 12:45

Some people really, really don't like surprises. I'm the same, I wouldn't want a holiday booked for me because I like to choose where I go and be involved in the planning.

The thing is everyone in my life knows this about me and wouldn't dream of doing it, whereas your partner obviously hadn't told you that big surprises were unwanted - it's not your fault you didn't know and he handled it appallingly, he was very rude and childish about it when a quiet discussion would've sufficed. Him being continually pouty about it afterwards would be a huge turn off for me as well.

Is it too late to tell him to stuff it and take a friend on the break instead? I think that's what I'd be inclined to do since he's now acting like he's coming with you as a favour.

It was a gift! Do you have to have a say in everything you receive?

Odiebay · 22/12/2025 13:28

You would be insane to have a child with this man child.
You gifted him a surprise trip to Italy and that was his response. Why is your bar on the floor!!

CatsKoalasBunnies123 · 22/12/2025 13:30

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:20

I know he’s a bit lonely lately as his friendships have fizzled out and his best mate moved away and he has been saying he wishes he had more friends.

but surely would be better to have local friends who he can go to the pub with etc. what’s the point of visiting a random gaming friend in Bulgaria for 3 nights, it’s weird as fuck. I’m not saying online friendships can’t be valuable but it’s been 3 weeks ffs. He spends money on the game as it is and now it’s reaching new heights

were also TTC and fair chance I could be pregnant by February though I do appreciate he can’t put his life on hold for that but it’s all just weird

Sorry, but if you continue to TTC with him you are as dumb and desperate as he is a weird arsehole.

I feel sorry for the child being brought into this.

NeedsRenovation · 22/12/2025 13:30

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:13

He made me cry in a restaurant when we discussed the Italy trip I had booked.

It’s just really hurtful that he’s so keen to go to a random country to visit a random bloke. It shows it’s not really about the money it’s about me not being interesting enough to spend his time with

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Show quote history

Why are you so focused on what he finds interesting and palatable, though? I mean, are you genuinely excited to be with a gamer who games first thing in the morning and last thing at night daily, and who has no RL friends?

And ttc in what sounds like a relationship that is unsatisfying on your side is a crazy idea!

TomatoSandwiches · 22/12/2025 13:31

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:20

I know he’s a bit lonely lately as his friendships have fizzled out and his best mate moved away and he has been saying he wishes he had more friends.

but surely would be better to have local friends who he can go to the pub with etc. what’s the point of visiting a random gaming friend in Bulgaria for 3 nights, it’s weird as fuck. I’m not saying online friendships can’t be valuable but it’s been 3 weeks ffs. He spends money on the game as it is and now it’s reaching new heights

were also TTC and fair chance I could be pregnant by February though I do appreciate he can’t put his life on hold for that but it’s all just weird

Please stop ttc with a man that doesn't seem to like you let alone wants to spend time with you.... this is not the man to have a child with. It wouldn't be fair on the child.

TalulahJP · 22/12/2025 13:31

stop trying for a baby unril the situation with him becomes clearer. you don’t want to split and have a baby in the mix.

the reason he wants to be frugal could be a potential baby or it could be he wants the money for himself and his hobbies.

if you booked the holiday with your money thats fine but if it were booked with family money it should have been a joint decision.

the gaming friend thing is weird. i think there’s something fishy there. Im not sure the guy is a guy after all…. If it quacks like a duck…. For all you know the evidence hes given you for this guy pal could he photos of some woman’s brother or something hes trying to throw you off the scent with.

With regard to booking a trip to see friends in future, if he’s doing stuff with his money it’s fine but if it’s family money it should have been a joint discussion.

Howardyoudo · 22/12/2025 13:31

You think someone addicted to gaming is a good choice to have a child with. I truly despair at how desperately low some women set the bar for themselves

NeedsRenovation · 22/12/2025 13:33

Howardyoudo · 22/12/2025 13:31

You think someone addicted to gaming is a good choice to have a child with. I truly despair at how desperately low some women set the bar for themselves

Yes, OP, regardless of how low your bar is for yourself, this is not the unwilling, uninterested, disengaged father to inflict on a child!

Power26 · 22/12/2025 13:33

Why are you TTC? It’s a shitty relationship to bring a child into? Jesus Christ no wonder why there’s so many broken people in society.

OP you need to get the basics right before procreating. The bare minimum being a respectful relationship.

You’re here yapping about how he’s made you cry and you had a huge argument but in the same breath are hoping you’re pregnant before the trip. It’s confusing and contradictory.

dreamingbohemian · 22/12/2025 13:36

Stop TTC now!!! I'm sorry but this would be a disaster. I'm a gamer myself so not being sniffy about that but he sounds addicted AND stupid. Who tf believes what online randos tell them, it doesn't matter he's a big guy, he can still come to harm, especially financially.

Take a friend to Italy.

Come on OP you sound like a lovely person, you can do better than him!

ilovepixie · 22/12/2025 13:36

KorinaMure · 22/12/2025 13:09

It’s all quite upsetting and I feel like a controlling girlfriend for being upset but I genuinely don’t get it.

his attitude when I surprised him with the Italy trip was really upsetting and hurtful. Then he finally agreed to come as it was non-refundable but it’s going to be tainted.

Then we’ve had issues with him being a bit addicted to these games too, they are the first thing he does in the morning and last thing he does at night. He’s literally only been on this particular game for 2-3 weeks and has built up a “team” and this bloke is a member of his team

the bloke he’s going to meet seems to have a really interesting house and garden and does have some cool hobbies and keeps exotic animals etc but it’s still really fucking weird

What’s the game?

TomatoSandwiches · 22/12/2025 13:37

Imagine having a newborn at home, you're leaking milk and still bleeding heavily, maybe you had to be cut and have stitches in intimate places and it hurts to sit let alone use the toilet or you've had a section and are navigating your recovery with very little time to rest because baby wants to be feeding or held 24/7 and every time you put them down they cry...... imagine this and your partner has a holiday to Bulgaria booked to see his new bestie and leaves you alone to cope for a week with your hormones out of whack and exhausted.

This is the type of man he sounds like op.
There is no need to bring a baby into this.

wineosaurusrex · 22/12/2025 13:38

Are you sure this is just a platonic friend? And not like an online boyfriend?

Electricsausages · 22/12/2025 13:40

Kick his sorry arse to the kerb and take a friend

Evaka · 22/12/2025 13:42

He sounds like a pig. Every reaction/statement/decision you've mentioned would have resulted in my partner of ten years dumped without a second thought.

Women of mumsnet and the world. Please stop humouring these men! They're lowlife bullies.

arethereanyleftatall · 22/12/2025 13:43

off the back of mumnset I am always telling my girls that ‘they’ are the prize, and if they enter in to any relationship it needs to be because of what that person is bringing them. Not constantly trying to impress the other person whilst they do nothing in return to reciprocate.
op - what good qualities does this man have? Does he strive to make you happy?

Youraveragelass · 22/12/2025 13:44

You sound so kind and thoughtful! Please don’t make a forever commitment with this idiot. You deserve someone who treats you the way you treat him.