To be upset at DP going on a trip

[KorinaMure]

Myself and my partner have been saving up for a while but also have our own personal spending money. I was saving mine up for us to have a city break in Italy as DP had made a comment a few months ago about wanting to go to Italy. When I surprised him with the tickets he had reacted badly and said it was a bad idea to gift someone a holiday and I’d just given him a problem. I had explained I was going to cover all expenses etc but he was fuming. I was very hurt and we didn’t speak for 2 days. He told me he had no intention of going due to the principle of me booking a trip without consulting him and also because he would feel pressure to take spending money and he wants to be frugal next year.

Eventually he came around and said he wasn’t happy with what I’d done but he “may as well come if already booked”. We are going in March but it’s all going to be a bit awkward and tainted now.

He joined an online group for a hobby (gaming) he likes about 2/3 weeks ago and has built a good rapport with another member of the group. This person has now invited DP to visit them in Bulgaria where they live for a few days to do the shared hobby and go out etc. DP has told me he’s going in January. It’s all a bit weird but DP is a grown man and built like a brick shithouse so I’m not worried about him in that respect.

But I feel hurt that he was so mean when I tried to surprise him with a romantic city break due to perceived pressure for him to splash the cash (which he wouldn’t have needed to), but he’s happy to spend hundreds to visit some random guy online who he met 2 weeks ago on a forum for a mobile game. He says he wants to make friends as most of his old friendships have fizzled out.

AIBU to be a bit hurt

Why the fuck are you ignoring every post about you having a baby with this prick? You seriously want this guy as a father to your children...really? Are you THAT desperate?

If he can’t even stop gaming for long enough to sit through a meal with your parents obviously he isn’t going to stop if you have a baby; having a baby is exhausting, stressful and monotonous. Addictions tend to escalate after having a baby, not go away. He is using the games as a way to escape real life, a baby is hard work so he is going to want to escape his life even more. If he was serious about stopping the gaming he would do it now, at the very least he would be able to stop for the duration of a meal. This will only get worse, leave now whilst you have no ties for him.

Seriously, if you don’t leave him put your foot down hard. Out with people playing a game on his phone like some teenager. You’ll be having enough trouble running around after a toddler. To look up & see him playing games is going to be more than mildly annoying I’m not one to tell people to leave but you have no kids as yet & who you choose to pro create with is so important. Your life will become forever entwined & even if you split after, that’s nothing but a headache. Just look at some of the posts on here.

I had no idea what a ‘mobile anime’ game was so I googled it.
i am still none the wiser,

Basically a cartoon game with a Japanese art style that can be played on his mobile phone

Can you pay to change the names on your Italy trip and take a friend?

Why on earth would you have sex, never mind a baby with this manbaby?

OP, please listen to everyone advising you against having a baby with this man.

Otherwise, your life is about to dive headlong into a downward spiral that you're going to find it difficult to get out of...

I would question whether he is on the DL.

Even if he isn't, his behaviour isn't that of a loving partner and certainly not of someone mentally and emotionally equipped to be a family man.

Take someone else on that lovely holiday.

And take some time to have a serious think about this relationship and whether it's meeting your needs.

Does he maybe have an ex that he used to find controlling (in inverted commas and I’m trying not to roll my eyes at the idea!!). Op I’ll be honest, dh has organised holidays in the past and it pissed me off as I’d have liked us to figure out where to go etc together but I don’t know that that’s this . Hope you figure it out x

Grown men into Anime gives me the ick - it's almost always sexualised images of fantasy women.

It smells really strongly of a hook-up or something related to sex tourism.

Either he's a lying cheating prick you should absolutely NOT be TTC with, or he's a selfish arsehole manchild you should absolutely not be TTC with.

Can you take a friend to Italy instead? You know, someone who isn't an arse?

(By the by, I wonder why he's lost all his friends? Could it have anything to do with him being, as discussed, a complete arse?)

What a cunt.

This is absolutely NOT a person to have a baby with.

Why on earth would you want a baby with someone who chooses their phone over dinner with you?!?!?!

I'd be wanting some time out from this guy. Clearly you are not his priority.

Agreed. It is a woman and he has known her much longer than 3 weeks.

I agree with everyone else, OP, this guy is awful. Do yourself the biggest favour and get rid. Enjoy your trip to Italy, and as others have said, take a friend. Do NOT have a baby with this man.

Oh my good God, please do not get pregnant by this man!

Although I doubt any sperm of his would have the ability to shift themselves either.

Your ‘D’ P doesn’t like you. That’s the long and short of it. That trip to Italy needs to be a solo trip and you need out of this relationship pronto.

OP you can do much better than this loser - he doesn't care about your feelings and is ungrateful and selfish. You sound lovely and wanted to do a nice thing for him - whether he likes surprises or not, he should have enough emotional intelligence to recognise this.

If I were you I'd leave him to his gaming and take a good friend with you to enjoy your trip to Italy. Don't waste any more of your life in this relationship.

He says he’ll stop when we have a baby but I’m not convinced

He won't @KorinaMure . You only need to read the countless posts on here from posters who have waste of space sperm donors who don't pull their weight. They don't even deserve the description of father as all they did was impregnate their partner.

DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS MAN CHILD

Please stop TTC! You really shouldn't be having children with this person.

Hes going to meet someone hes messaged on a mobile anime game? 😂😂😂

I cant get over that he thinks that sounds believable 🤣 are you both very young teen age?

He’s knocking on 30

Bulgaria and Italy are different countries. The trips are at different dates. What the heck is that man going about? Dump him.

@KorinaMure how old are you? Can you move back with your parents or aggord to live alone? This man will ruin your life if you stay.

I’ve no idea if he’s actually going to see this man however I’d suspect not especially considering the shitty response to your gift. Although that alone would be enough for you to sack this arsehole off.
But you need to start thinking about not going to Italy. The sunk cost fallacy is the thinking that you should do something you’ve paid for simply because it’s paid for even though doing the thing is infinitely worse. The money is gone either way so keep your dignity and sanity and cancel the trip.
If you’re going in hope that he’ll turn into boyfriend of the year and start being grateful and loving then it’s not worth trying to find out.
Start finding your worth because he will never realise it until you do.

The argument about Italy was a few weeks ago but we go in March. He’s only mentioned the Bulgaria trip today