To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

[naturenaturenature]

I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags.

The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men.

After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed.

AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed.

AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

if he was changing, it would be fairly quick unless he was feeling ill or something. How long was he standing doing nothing? Did he say anything? It does sound a bit strange to be honest.

I hope he kept his ankles hidden, next he would swinging them from the chandeliers

I think you need some help if you think this is a display of male dominance. Genuinely.

It's not like there's a shortage of actual examples of male dominance.

I really can't even get OUTRAGED FROM TUNBRIDGE WELLS levels of horror from this.

You’re embellishing this now…

Personally I wouldn't do the same (I occasionally sing in mixed m/f choirs, and am man 🎵🙋) - for two reasons, firstly lack of confidence in my own body (I'm a bit heavier than I'd like to be), plus it just lacks consideration for others there, particularly the women. It absolutely is NOT the same as beach/pool where you expect to see blokes with no top on. I think it's a bit gross, even if he had a decent bod.

If he’d been standing there with his penis on display you’d have a point. As it’s just his bare chest, you need to let it go.

Ahhh yes. Let's make a thread for people's opinions and when somebody doesn't agree, we'll have a strop about it.

Men don't usually need to take themselves away to a separate space just to change their top. There aren't many situations where I'd bat an eye at this. A bag storage room seems utterly fine.

I assume he was just changing his top and not just being topless for the sake of it, which would be quite odd.

Did he have a nice body?

I agree with you OP. It's male privilege and entitlement thinking they own every space.

I have no problem getting reasonable responses from people who don't agree with me and I expect that. However I'm getting responses that are taking the piss out of me. No need for that.

I’m sorry but you really are being ridiculous. He was hot after the show, he took his top off to cool down. In a corner of a changing room! How do you get through life? This is a non problem.

Often at choir concerts there is not only a very small space shared by everyone, but also only one toilet shared between 100+ performers. He would be unreasonable to occupy the only toilet changing while a queue of people waited with their legs crossed! Honestly I have sung in so many choirs where changing is mixed sex and cramped, due to the performance conditions. In a church, those 100+ performers can be changing in a choir vestry meant for 20. It's a non issue. And singers are often huggy types.

Because there are different social norms. However at the gym I do see women in what would appear to be just a sports bra & I’ve yet to see a topless man. Maybe there is just different scenarios to when it accepted. I think a man changing his top isn’t odd to do in front of people after a concert & he’s wearing something he that’s more of a uniform. I wouldn’t complain if a lady did it either id be impressed with her confidence because that’s all that holds us back on doing such things. I change in a cubicle of a female dressing room if I can not for decency but because I wouldn’t expose anyone to the horror of my body if I can help it

In this situation I wouldn't have been bothered about a woman changing her top either, assuming a bra underneath (which a lot of women are happy to do).

Exactly this!! If you’re looking for things to be offended about, find something real before posting in AIBU.

@gannetthe didn't just take his top off and put another one back on. He stood topless for a while doing nothing in a small, packed room full of women!

In your OP, you said he was in the corner. Now you've posted he was in the middle of the room.

Im not sure how you feel it's dominance but I'm sure you'll have some elaborate way of twisting that too.

You sound rather unpleasant trying to twist a bare chested man into a dominating monster.

Happy to see topless men at beaches though... very bizarre

Taking the puss or being light hearted!

Come on!

*piss

Probably. Men are weird like this.

How is the corner of the room also the middle of the room? I used to be in a choir, it was quite common for changing together to happen, everyone had underwear on so you can’t see anything that you wouldn’t see at a swimming pool.

As I said previously OP is
the story!

Do women not get hot? Do they have some kind of internal fan?

Well I agree with you entirely OP, I’d be uncomfortable and annoyed. He should have done whatever any of the women would have had to do had they needed to be fully topless ie bugger off and do it where no one can see you. My choir is women only and it’s genuinely blissful.

@Busybeemumm thank you for understanding what I'm trying to articulate. Exactly this and I'm sick of it.