To be disappointed in partners Christmas presents ?

[lulu55xxx]

So this year we decided instead of just buying random stuff that we might not like to write a list with about £200 budget of things we wanted.
So I wrote my list and wrote down things I wanted for a while and he wrote his.
I bought everything on his list with a little extra present (a month ago )
He went for his Christmas shopping today and just rang me telling me he’s done but didn’t get anything off my list as a lot of the things weren’t in stock in town (tiny town centre ) hence me going further afield and ordering online.
So he said he “winged” it
Would you be disappointed?
Last year he winged it and I ended up with nivea gift sets (which I don’t use ) half price pjs from Primark and other random bits.
The nice perfume I asked for I never got because he said “ it’s out of stock everywhere “
I went in boots Boxing Day and it was there …
I don’t know it’s just pointless

He promised me a shopping spree after Xmas for my birthday the other day ,now he’s skint.

Nope. Take all his presents back and spend the budget on your own list. Tell him do the same - I bet he magically finds the cash for himself.
Stop enabling this behaviour!

I'm very specific about what I want and don't want. I can't see the point of buying people presents that they haven't asked for or surprising them with things that turn out to be a disappointment. Agree on an amount to spend and buy your own presents, that way you get exactly what you want, your choice of fragrance, correct fit of clothes/shoes, tried and tested face creams/make up etc. There's no need for returns after Christmas or the disappointment of not getting something you really want. We've done this for years and it works for us 😜

Why do you bother with gifts at all? I agree with your sentiment but dh and I just buy whatever we need whenever we need it. Are you both spending the same amount of money? Buying your own gifts and wrapping them up too? It all seems a bit pointless. My friend did this for years too, I never understood why. This year she finally does not see the point.

During the year, like you, if we need something we just buy it, but for Christmas I'll buy myself things that I want as opposed to need. I will buy a luxury box of chocolates, maybe a massage voucher, a more expensive perfume than my every day one, a piece of jewellery ... yes, we spend the same amount of money, although receipts aren't checked 😂. We wrap them up and open them with the family, we wouldn't bother, but we only do that to please everyone else who usually sneer at our arrangement, but more often than not look gutted when they open their own presents, with a look of "aw thanks, just what I wanted (not)!! 😜

What is the point of you both writing a list with a set budget? You can just get that stuff yourself?! Just agree on say 3 mystery gifts next time with a much smaller combined cost, maybe with suggestions like ‘an edible item please’?

I don’t think you should be criticised for your approach of budget/lists. Each to their own, which will normally be dictated by individual circumstances.

We don’t have a budget, but I send my DH ideas and he picks and chooses what he wants to buy me and sometimes add things he might have also heard me mention for me.

I am one of those people who loves buying gifts and tries to be really thoughtful about things so don’t usually need ‘ideas’ (accepting I may get it wrong, but nobody’s complained yet 🤣).

For me this is about effort and energy. If he’s not putting in the effort to think for himself and/or being thoughtful enough to at least get what you ask for when you’ve saved him the trouble of thinking for himself then he sees you as worth minimal effort and, as such, needs throwing back IMHO!

He may well be about to surprise you, you won’t know until Xmas day, I hope for his sake he is, if not he’s just made it all the more disappointing.

Please tell me you aren't planning on having kids with this man?? He sounds useless - you don't need to step in and buy gits for his family though - unless you actually want to! You aren't his mum. It's his family and he should be sorting out gifts and cards for them.

@lulu55xxxwhat did you get in the end?