To be disappointed in partners Christmas presents ?

[lulu55xxx]

So this year we decided instead of just buying random stuff that we might not like to write a list with about £200 budget of things we wanted.
So I wrote my list and wrote down things I wanted for a while and he wrote his.
I bought everything on his list with a little extra present (a month ago )
He went for his Christmas shopping today and just rang me telling me he’s done but didn’t get anything off my list as a lot of the things weren’t in stock in town (tiny town centre ) hence me going further afield and ordering online.
So he said he “winged” it
Would you be disappointed?
Last year he winged it and I ended up with nivea gift sets (which I don’t use ) half price pjs from Primark and other random bits.
The nice perfume I asked for I never got because he said “ it’s out of stock everywhere “
I went in boots Boxing Day and it was there …
I don’t know it’s just pointless

He promised me a shopping spree after Xmas for my birthday the other day ,now he’s skint.

Tell him to keep the receipts so you can return it and then get what you want when it’s back in stock. Next year don’t bother with gifts.

Id be so disappointed if my partner, who is supposed to know me really well and value me, couldn’t even choose me a gift I liked.

Stop being a mug, if he didn’t have a partner he’d managed to get himself dressed for his night out.

Leave the stupid pointless bastard

When you could go to Aldi and get a nice box for £6.50, he's just having a laugh.

He just can't be arsed and is cheap. Reflect on this. It's not about material stuff it's the lack of effort and respect.

Stop doing all that for a start.

Why don't you both agree not to buy presents for each other in future and then you can buy yourself what you want. Much easier and less wasteful.

You need to let the disappointment in his behaviour be his, so tell him now to keep hold of all the receipts as his "winging it" last year was a flop and the whole reason for doing lists.

Then he comes with you to return things and you blatantly point out things like the perfume in Boots he said was out of stock.

If he's not getting any feedback, theres a chance he can reflect and get better. However, if it's just a lack of care or consideration you need to think carefully about your future.

I think you need to learn the word “no”

Honestly more fool you for choosing this.

Go through the items you’ve bought for him, with him. Ask him to choose which items to return so that you can spend that money on yourself.

Next time get an app that allows you to build wish lists. I think you can even link to where to buy and share that with him. All he’ll have to do is click and pay.

OK, having read the updates I can see OP has just accepted this rather sad state of affairs and is enabling him.

He is taking the piss and acting incompetent yes, but you are enabling him @lulu55xxxx
Why? Do you feel insecure and want to make yourself seem useful to him somehow? I think as hard as it may seem you need to examine your role in this and your motivations for enabling this.

If he was single and living by himself he would have to either face the consequences of not giving loved ones gifts and not being able to get ready a work nights out,
not organising holidays etc or…most likely he would actually do these things himself.

I had assumed it was a fairly new relationship only to hear you’ve been with this man for 6 years. Call me cynical but I have a strong suspicion any advice we give here will fall on deaf ears and you’ve just come here for a vent (which you’re perfectly entitled to do)but nothing will change which is quite sad but it’s your choice.

I wouldn't be too thrilled with this either. If the budget was smaller then fine, but "winging it" on 21st December with a £200 budget is annoying. Couldn't he just have got you a voucher for the shop you wanted the items from if he couldn't be bothered to buy in advance?

Tell him to make sure he keeps all the receipts in a safe place so that he can take it all back after Christmas and you can then use the money to buy what you really wanted FROM THE LIST!!!!

Wow what an absolute arse he is I don’t think he ever had any intentions of buying you anything from your list tbh so next year you tell him your not bothering to do gifts you keep the £200 you would normally spend on him and you go out and treat yourself or get rid of him lol
As for this year when you do receive the crap he’s clearly bought you ask him for the receipts so you can return them.

Read this out load to yourself and then ask yourself why you’re being such a mug.

Don't do presents for each other.
Buy the things you want for yourself.
He won't change if this has happened a few times.
Match his effort.

Ha so he's got you to get what he wanted, but as per usual he so useless he can't sort 1 thing from your list.

I’d be returning a bunch of his gifts. Say you had put in more effort but felt the energy put in should be matched along with the budget.

Some men people are rubbish at gifts, and they won't ever get better. You are better off agreeing to do something together as a treat

OH and I stopped buying Christmas gifts for each other years ago...I much prefer spending the money on doing stuff together.

If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you always get.

Time for a replacement partner - this one has regressed (with your help) back to child status. ICK.

Would hate that. Going forward match his energy op small gifts. I buy my own stuff my husband is last minute!! I buy my perfume in november. They out stock in dec

That poster dumped her cheapskate. There are just a lot of shit men around.

You do this wasters shopping for him?
He's neither regard nor respect for you, and you don't have it for yourself that you would accept another year of it.
Return ALL his gifts and get him a Lynx set and dump him.
Unbelievable that you would tolerate this and bd such a losers skivvy.

he sounds like a big baby.

I personally don't mind a bit of division of labour ie. Ill sort gifts if my partner is good at othr stuff - is that the case here?

I actually don't understand adults spending money on each other in this completely transactional way.

If you want stuff, can't you just buy it yourself? Rather than each spend a set amount on specific things

I'd be absolutely furious about shit pajamas and cheap chocolates if we had a clear arrarngement - and im not even into gifts.

I honestly think you would be better off forgetting the gift exchange and just agreeing to buy your own stuff - it sounds like he is a user, happy to get lovely thoughtful gifts from you.

I would consider this a very alarming personality trait! and would look at why I was in the relationship generally

This