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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed in partners Christmas presents ?

208 replies

lulu55xxx · 19/12/2025 17:38

So this year we decided instead of just buying random stuff that we might not like to write a list with about £200 budget of things we wanted.
So I wrote my list and wrote down things I wanted for a while and he wrote his.
I bought everything on his list with a little extra present (a month ago )
He went for his Christmas shopping today and just rang me telling me he’s done but didn’t get anything off my list as a lot of the things weren’t in stock in town (tiny town centre ) hence me going further afield and ordering online.
So he said he “winged” it
Would you be disappointed?
Last year he winged it and I ended up with nivea gift sets (which I don’t use ) half price pjs from Primark and other random bits.
The nice perfume I asked for I never got because he said “ it’s out of stock everywhere “
I went in boots Boxing Day and it was there …
I don’t know it’s just pointless

He promised me a shopping spree after Xmas for my birthday the other day ,now he’s skint.

OP posts:
FunMustard · 19/12/2025 21:56

Yes I'd be very upset.

Christmas isn't a surprise. He's done the absolute bare minimum while you've gone above and beyond. I'd honestly only be giving him one of the gifts and seriously considering if I wanted to continue in the relationship. Men like him don't change, as is evidenced by the fact that he didn't get you anything for your birthday either.

What it boils down to is that he cares more about spending his money on himself that getting you a gift you actually might like.

FunMustard · 19/12/2025 21:59

Most men just aren't well trained in the art of preparing for occasions and gift giving

This is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever read. Men know when Christmas is, they know when their own birthday is - if they don't bother it's because they don't give a shit. They don't need to be 'trained' in buying something from a list they've been given.

And let's be real, I just don't believe that there isn't one thing on OP's list that cannot be sourced from Amazon and be delivered in time. He just doesn't care.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 19/12/2025 22:01

Take his stuff back. Buy a load of useless shite.. It's the only way he'll click what a knob he is. And if he doesn't then ltb.
Or accept this forever..

AvidTealTiger · 19/12/2025 22:21

Yep I'd be disappointed too. Had similar
Situ in the past and he tried make out I'm being ungrateful. What's the point if one puts all the effort in and the other simply cannot be bothered.
As petty as it sounds you could take half of the stuff back and say the same .'out of stock/couldn't get all of yours either'.

unsync · 19/12/2025 22:33

He just doesn't care enough about you to make an effort. Return what you bought for him, buy your own presents.

Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 22:36

MostlyHappyMummy · 19/12/2025 17:42

Return the gifts you have purchased for him and go into your local town and buy some random gifts for him. Match his energy

This 😂

Seriously though I think you have a bigger problem than just Christmas because this seems to be pattern and it’s telling you he disrespects you and is displaying a level selfishness and deceit too. He reels you into get he wants then he reneges on your agreement. A man who truly loves you will care about these “little things” if he knows it makes you happy.

What is he like in your relationship outside of gift giving?

Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 22:38

And honestly if he reacts poorly when you give him the same treatment as he’s given you that tells you everything.

He is perfectly aware of how hurtful and disappointing it is for you , but just doesn’t care as long as he’s getting what he wants.

Christmaseree · 19/12/2025 22:40

Swap his presents for Nivea 3 for 2 sets and Primark pyjamas and pocket the change.

Lamentingalways · 19/12/2025 22:41

Miranda65 · 19/12/2025 17:44

It's not Christmas for another 6 days, so until you actually open your presents you won't know.
I'm long-married and we would never be so mercenary as to write a list (or "agree a budget"). We just buy what the other person will like - it's not difficult and it's not transactional.

It sounds like she has had to make it this regimented to ensure she gets something even remotely of the same value. I feel really sorry for her, she probably came on here asking for advice a few years ago after being disappointed too many times and people advised them to set a budget and give a list and he still can’t get it right.

ChristmasFaery · 19/12/2025 22:44

FunMustard · 19/12/2025 21:59

Most men just aren't well trained in the art of preparing for occasions and gift giving

This is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever read. Men know when Christmas is, they know when their own birthday is - if they don't bother it's because they don't give a shit. They don't need to be 'trained' in buying something from a list they've been given.

And let's be real, I just don't believe that there isn't one thing on OP's list that cannot be sourced from Amazon and be delivered in time. He just doesn't care.

I completely agree. The mindset of “oh those menz ha ha ha” drives me mad. My DH has always bought me gifts without giving him a list, wrapped them and never needed to be “trained” to do so.

Good grief, some women need to know their worth and stop this bullshit that males are incapable.

Funny how the OP hasn’t returned though, this is probably one of those wind ‘em up and laugh threads that are often posted on here.

Edited to add I find all of the threads about hapless men frustrating on here, penis portions and partners/wives allow it, men demanding to sit at the head of the table after doing nothing about Christmas gifts, tasting turkey and nodding to the son that “the wife did good”, taking credit for gifts bought etc. It’s ridiculous. Anyone enabling these idiots are just as bad. It’s 2025, we’ve moved on from the 50’s!

Abitofapain · 19/12/2025 22:48

He will never be the amazing present guy - he just doesn’t prioritise it. You need to decide whether you can live with that or dump him. If you want to keep him both of you should take all the gifts back, yours and his and £200 on yourself. Tell him your done with gifts.

Mropalsmusic · 19/12/2025 22:50

FunMustard · 19/12/2025 21:59

Most men just aren't well trained in the art of preparing for occasions and gift giving

This is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever read. Men know when Christmas is, they know when their own birthday is - if they don't bother it's because they don't give a shit. They don't need to be 'trained' in buying something from a list they've been given.

And let's be real, I just don't believe that there isn't one thing on OP's list that cannot be sourced from Amazon and be delivered in time. He just doesn't care.

Exactly your post is nonsense @ElleintheWoods And this attitude is part of the reason we continue to have so many useless selfish men.

OP literally said there’s perfume he said was out of stock that wasn’t. Had he just went up and asked a sales assistant they’d have found it for him. Simple. He’s obviously penny pinching and lying.

I am ND and sometimes find being organised in various aspects of my life a challenge but I have always tried hard for friends, partners and family when it comes to buying gifts or attending their events . And yes with things online nowadays it’s so much easier to source gifts.

Stop having such low expectations for men. At the very least if he was that disorganised or low effort he should got her one small gift then gave her £200 in cash or vouchers so she could get her own stuff.

GAJLY · 19/12/2025 23:12

MostlyHappyMummy · 19/12/2025 17:42

Return the gifts you have purchased for him and go into your local town and buy some random gifts for him. Match his energy

Yes, this 👆

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 19/12/2025 23:15

What a lazy half-arsed man he is! YANBU - he just can’t bothered to put any energy in. The fact that the gift he pretended was out of stock wasn’t shows he’s not even fucked about lying! Bollock him, op! He wouldn’t do this if he was trying to impress you!

Gowlett · 19/12/2025 23:17

That’s really annoying. Of course the shops had some of the stuff!

DH comes back from Tesco “oh, they didn’t have any bread” Sure…

caringcarer · 19/12/2025 23:25

Go out and buy him a few random bits. He won't understand until he experiences the disappointment. If you can return any of his gifts do so and buy yourself a few things you want. Going forward suggest you both have a £200 budget and buy your own stuff. I'd be so disappointed in his lack of effort to give me a good Xmas.

Katflapkit · 19/12/2025 23:31

Miranda65 · 19/12/2025 17:44

It's not Christmas for another 6 days, so until you actually open your presents you won't know.
I'm long-married and we would never be so mercenary as to write a list (or "agree a budget"). We just buy what the other person will like - it's not difficult and it's not transactional.

The thread is not about you and how superior you feel your mutual gift giving is. The OP and her partner 'agreed' to a list. He's already admitted he has purchased nothing from her list, has form for lying and saying items are out of stock and buying generic gift sets she doesn't use.

OP - I bet he is looking forward to the items he added to his list. He doesn't care that you will be disappointed. Please rethink giving him the items he put on his list. As someone up thread wrote - match his energy.

But you already know, your partner is mean of spirit, the worst kind of mean. You deserve better.

mondaytosunday · 20/12/2025 01:14

Nope not impressed. Why did he leave it till now? Really poor show.

ThejoyofNC · 20/12/2025 06:39

I agree send him back to town to return everything and send you the money to order your own.

grinchmcgrinchface · 20/12/2025 06:42

I would return all his gifts and get him a lynx set, see how he likes it.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 20/12/2025 06:44

Definitely return the gifts you've bought for him

MrsDoubtingMyself · 20/12/2025 06:45

Miranda65 · 19/12/2025 17:44

It's not Christmas for another 6 days, so until you actually open your presents you won't know.
I'm long-married and we would never be so mercenary as to write a list (or "agree a budget"). We just buy what the other person will like - it's not difficult and it's not transactional.

Well ......aren't you delightful 🙄

ShawnaMacallister · 20/12/2025 06:51

Return half his gifts and buy the things you wanted. I really don't know why you bother with gifts when you're both giving lists to each other. Why not say Christmas be a token gift up to £30 say and you spend the rest on yourself on your list :/

Tigger18 · 20/12/2025 07:18

My DH is exactly like this, it's not that he doesn't care but he has ADHD and his forward planning is awful. I tried the list and it didn't work either. Now I write my list and use his card to order all the stuff I want so all he needs to do is wrap it. It means I actually get the things I want 💐

Sartre · 20/12/2025 07:23

Yep I’d be annoyed and if there’s anything you don’t like, I’d ask him to return them. Does he not realise online shopping exists?