To be disappointed in partners Christmas presents ?

[lulu55xxx]

So this year we decided instead of just buying random stuff that we might not like to write a list with about £200 budget of things we wanted.
So I wrote my list and wrote down things I wanted for a while and he wrote his.
I bought everything on his list with a little extra present (a month ago )
He went for his Christmas shopping today and just rang me telling me he’s done but didn’t get anything off my list as a lot of the things weren’t in stock in town (tiny town centre ) hence me going further afield and ordering online.
So he said he “winged” it
Would you be disappointed?
Last year he winged it and I ended up with nivea gift sets (which I don’t use ) half price pjs from Primark and other random bits.
The nice perfume I asked for I never got because he said “ it’s out of stock everywhere “
I went in boots Boxing Day and it was there …
I don’t know it’s just pointless

He promised me a shopping spree after Xmas for my birthday the other day ,now he’s skint.

Is he a trillionaire with a gold-plated knob?

If not, I can't see why you'd stay with him.

Yeah to this. I bet the list is highly achievable. This reads like weaponised incompetence.

That is fair enough, but it sounds like your Husband knows you well enough, or listens to you, to know what you would love.

Doesn’t sound like that is the case for the OP.

is it possible he has ADHD?? even without the h?
(not that I’m trying to make excuses for him obvs)

I have ADHD. It’s not an excuse for being a selfish twat.

We rarely buy expensive gifts. My husband is useless at shopping so we just do a token gift (maybe £25 value max).

I’d be annoyed too OP!

My DP asks for my list early and rigidly sticks to it. To the point I usually know exactly what I’m getting…. However I usually have a few extra presents too ranging from something silly to something thoughtful he has bought from my children to me (their own dad never bothers to organise a present for them to gift)

It works both ways though - I gift really well to him too. So next time it’s his birthday don’t put the effort in. Might give him a little taste of his own medicine.

I put up with this for over 20 years. If it couldn’t be bought from Tesco on Christmas Eve then I never had a chance. For my 40th all I asked for was a day that I didn’t organise as I did every holiday/day out/ presents for everyone. I woke up on the morning of my 40th and was asked, ‘so what do you want to do then?’
I then booked my own table for lunch and made the best of it but I was so upset- it wasn’t about money or needing stuff (I got nothing either), but the complete lack of care or thought. What was worse is that the kids were also so upset because they had great ideas (picnic on the beach, walks- nothing expensive) but he wouldn’t listen to them either.
Interestingly now we have separated he still doesn’t do anything for his children and they’ve realised what I put up with. I get what the poster is saying- it all just shows a lack of care, irrelevant of how much is spent. I’m single now so won’t get anything for Christmas but that’s ok because I get to do whatever I like instead!

Open half the gifts and return them, buy what you want with the difference. Get him a lynx gift set

All I know is that he wouldn't be getting anything off his list, either.

What has this got to do with anything

Remember- you choose what you dont change.

He sounds very annoying, OP. I think being new year it is time to reflect on new year resolutions and make a call on all this going forward next year. If I were you the extra gift you bought would be popped back in the cupboard for his birthday. Why go overboard this Xmas.

As for the rest, just drop now. Just remind him a week into Mother’s Day, once, “Hey, just remember to sort your mum out.” That’s it. Step back. If his mum doesn’t get a card, then that’s on him.

As for outings, I would step back too. Tell him the next time, you are not going out at all unless he has organised it. If he says he doesn’t care (likely) then good, why be stuck sitting in a restaurant with someone like him.

This.

How strange this came up on my Facebook news feed after reading this thread.😂😂😂

https://youtube.com/shorts/GTZdpPLqpV8?si=lOI8TCyz3yvYKj9y

I went shopping one year in new look. I realised I had got quite a bit more for DS than DD. There was lots of lads with their girlfriends frantically looking through clothes.

My ex used to go to Tesco on Christmas eve and ring me to ask what to get them.

Send his stuff back and buy him a few random things too. They use the remaining money to treat yourself to that nice perfume.

Just remember this for his birthday and Christmas going forward. Get him a box of Maltesers or get him something you want. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Nope OP. Your feelings are totally valid here. It’s not the presents it’s the effort, or rather the absolute lack of.

My DH and I are keeping Christmas small this year as we have our first baby due any day now. But for the first week of December parcels have been arriving and swept upstairs as well as a few bags from shops in town.

We do all our friends/family shopping together so I know whatever that stuff is - it’s for me.

The fact he had that audacity to provide you with a nice list of things he would like but didn’t bother to treat your list with any care or thought is really subpar.

Also he knows you, He’s your partner so you would think he could find something thoughtful for you even if your list was unavailable.

For DH he kept saying there’s nothing I want or need this year so I’ve made him a hamper of all the little boujee expensive bits he would never regularly buy himself but I know he loves. I’d honestly be asking myself does this man really know me at all x

if you know he’s like this, it seems almost madochistic to give him the task of buying your Christmas gifts. It’s almost like you’ve subconsciously set up the proof that you’re not worthy of better treatment.

You are @lulu55xxx most definitely deserving of care, consideration and lovely things.

There could be a valid reason for him being scatterbrained. There are no valid excuses for selfishness. And if, he makes more work for you in one area, it’s reasonable to reclaim leisure in another way. Unfortunately our brains have quiet ways of coping by adjusting our perception of reality, and if we don’t have help to think things through clearly, we can end up making martyrs of ourselves, and treating ourselves badly.

I’d stop giving him the power to disappoint and hurt you - next year, buy your own lovely gifts. Give him an envelope of cash (no cards if he’s likely to overspend) the week before Christmas to buy his own gift.

Honestly, I would just ask for a voucher and then shop for myself.

I would be really disappointed too. Only you can judge whether he genuinely struggles to sort presents out, or whether he’s just being stingy.
My partner finds these kinds of tasks very difficult because of his ADHD, so I give him a list and point him to the website or shop, and he’s happy with that arrangement. It works for both of us.
But if he’s not struggling and is simply unwilling to make any effort, that’s a different story.

What a pointless thing to do. Lists where you have to buy the exact item. And then he can’t even manage that?? I’m usually all for gratitude when given presents but you had an arrangement with specific instructions.

Tell him to return it all now. Explain in no uncertain terms that you don’t want any old crap he’s purchased in a last minute. The agreement was the list and the fact he couldn’t purchase the stuff on the list in good time shows how little he values you. Tell him now, don’t ruin Christmas Day with it. The fact he thinks YOU need to compromise with what you get instead of him needing to make more effort to go to a bigger town or get online, is very telling.

This isn’t about presents it’s about him not prioritising you and your list

@lulu55xxx

I'd be furious - especially after last year & you specifically agreeing on this year's approach - he clearly doesn't give a shit about your feelings. I wouldn't be able to let that go. I'd have to have it out with him. I'd tell him that you're sending all of his gifts back & just buying him a random pile of crap instead, as clearly that's the new plan.

So, to be fair, you've 'created this monater' & enabled his utterly lame behaviour. Why?? If you keep letting him get away with it, then the useless twat will keep being useless. Ugh. I'd have no respect for him & major 'ick'. What a man-child.

Why are you still with this man? He's lazy, selfish and thick. I swear to god I wouldn't stick with a man like that for six months, let alone six years.