To be disappointed in partners Christmas presents ?

[lulu55xxx]

So this year we decided instead of just buying random stuff that we might not like to write a list with about £200 budget of things we wanted.
So I wrote my list and wrote down things I wanted for a while and he wrote his.
I bought everything on his list with a little extra present (a month ago )
He went for his Christmas shopping today and just rang me telling me he’s done but didn’t get anything off my list as a lot of the things weren’t in stock in town (tiny town centre ) hence me going further afield and ordering online.
So he said he “winged” it
Would you be disappointed?
Last year he winged it and I ended up with nivea gift sets (which I don’t use ) half price pjs from Primark and other random bits.
The nice perfume I asked for I never got because he said “ it’s out of stock everywhere “
I went in boots Boxing Day and it was there …
I don’t know it’s just pointless

He promised me a shopping spree after Xmas for my birthday the other day ,now he’s skint.

OP, come on. Respect yourself more. Because otherwise he definitely won't. You can do better than him.

Actually it is transactional. It shows a lack of planning and lack of care and that he cant be bothered and may well reflect deeper issues within the relationship . . .

Next year why don't you both write your lists and then buy for yourselves? I bet he'll be more motivated to do the leg work when it's his gifts at stake. And you can be guaranteed that you will get what you want too.

It bring me immense joy as I look forward to getting all the nice things I put on my list!

Better than money being wasted on potentially unwanted stuff

Are you the one @lulu55xxx where you promised to do trips away for your 40th and you took him to an all expenses luxury resort in Greece and you go a weekend in Manchester at a cheap hotel with the pro isle of a shopping spree that never materialised as he was skint?

Even if not he’s a bit shit and is showing you how important you are to him, only you can decide if you think that’s good enough and all you deserve. ( but I don’t think so).

Return his and use the money for your perfume. Wing him some lynx and slippers

Well, you don't actually HAVE to do any of these things, you could just stop.

The holidays sort of fair enough as that impacts you but his clothes to go out?! Nah - he can't manage that then ah well, he doesn't get to go out does he?

Such a man baby, not sure how you can find him attractive tbh

OP, I really hope you update this thread after Xmas to say what he did give you and whether or not you gave him all the presents you had bought.

If there’s things I really want, I buy my own stuff as I shop around for the best prices and my husband gives me the money on christmas day in my card :) he usually surprises me with tickets to concerts and shows as an extra.

Stop doing these things for him.

If you are still with him next year, then you can still set your £200 budget but order and wrap your own presents, then you’re not going to be disappointed. What he gets himself is up to him.

Oh ffs, come on. Why are you doing this? Stop buying shit for his family. If they get nothing, that’s on him. If he won’t bother organising holidays, go on your own. If this overgrown toddler can’t find his clothes for a work night out then he either doesn’t go or wears something else. What next, are you going to tie his shoelaces and wipe his arse? Better yet, just dump this redundant lump of meat.

Why are you buying what's on his list plus an extra when he can't even be bothered to get something on your list?

Return the stuff you bought, buy him a bit of random crap on sale and be done with such poor treatment.

Stop doing his shopping for his family. You aren't his PA or his mommy doing stuff for her little boy.

He's an adult man and can take care of his own shit or make excuses. He does it to you and you're ok with it, his family can deal too.

Why do you stay with a man who treats you like you're nothing to him? He doesn't appreciate what you do for him. You're not married. What does this thoughtless and irresponsible and broke man bring to your life?

Several people have said return his gifts.
my thoughts are put several of the cheaper gifts under the tree, hide the rest in the Carboot. Do not add labels.
Then when you see what he bothered to buy you add extras if he deserves it.
the rest goes back for refunds and you gift yourself instead.

YANBU. His lack of effort says more about what kind of partner he is than anything else. But I think you both need to take the pressure off yourselves and say £20 each, not £200. Something small to unwrap and put a smile on your face is all you need. There is enough pressure at Christmas time as it is.

This.

No. It’s a whole sentence.
please use it more.

tbh. You need a new lover who respects you.

or the old one reinvented.

Please stop buying gifts for his family that are from him . Leave him to do that. If you continue please write the card only from you.

put one small gift for him under the tree. That is not from his list. Lynx body spray or something you would like to use. (Kitchen equipment or box of dairy milk for example)

if his gift giving is up to standard then give him the rest of the gifts.

otherwise. Return all gifts after Christmas. Use the credit to purchase something you want.

This reminds me of my "D"H. He asked me what I wanted one year and I gave him the title of one book and said I would like that but he would have to buy it online as it wasnt available (in English) where we live. I also specified no perfume. He got me perfume because it was "too late to order a book". This was because he started shopping on Christmas Eve and had to get a grand total of 2 presents. I also hated the perfume and he told me that was strange as he bought the same perfume for his secretary and she loved it. He probably doesnt even remember this anymore (happened ten years ago) but it completely changed the way I think about him and is part of the reason our marriage is no longer a happy one.

This

Clearly he's an idiot but you're a bigger one if you give him the gifts you've bought for him.

You don't have to do any of that.

Do something about it or stop moaning.

You dont have to do any of it though. Literally none of what you listed are things you have to do. You are choosing to act as his PA, and he chooses to let you.

Stop it. Let his family ask him where his cards are. Let him dress himself. Let him search for his own car keys.

Tell him to keep all the receipts in case anything needs returning. Let him know you're disappointed he didn't make the effort to get things off your list, especially since there is time to order online.

Basically, stop treating yourself like a mug.

so what exactly does he bring to the partnership?

In this situation I would refund the gifts you have bought for him and spend the proceeds on buying the things from the list you drew up. Get him a dodgy mug and PJs and maybe a pack of budgie smugglers two sizes too small from Primark (because that's the only size they had left).

Not RTFT but his behaviour speaks volumes. He can’t be bothered to prioritise his time or money for his other relatives including his own mother. Without being snarky, what made you think he’d do it for you if he can’t be bothered for them?

He doesn’t value you as a partner, he’s now got himself a skivvy. This will not get any better. Return his stuff, buy all the things that you wanted and kick this man to the kerb. That’ll be the biggest present to yourself of all by the seems of it.

Stop tolerating this.
Yes it's been 6 years and it may look like too long to "throw away" but it's worth it for the sake of not being skivvy (with a hint of martyr tbh) for next 40 years.

This is not about presents themselves but about the lack of care for you.