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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed in partners Christmas presents ?

208 replies

lulu55xxx · 19/12/2025 17:38

So this year we decided instead of just buying random stuff that we might not like to write a list with about £200 budget of things we wanted.
So I wrote my list and wrote down things I wanted for a while and he wrote his.
I bought everything on his list with a little extra present (a month ago )
He went for his Christmas shopping today and just rang me telling me he’s done but didn’t get anything off my list as a lot of the things weren’t in stock in town (tiny town centre ) hence me going further afield and ordering online.
So he said he “winged” it
Would you be disappointed?
Last year he winged it and I ended up with nivea gift sets (which I don’t use ) half price pjs from Primark and other random bits.
The nice perfume I asked for I never got because he said “ it’s out of stock everywhere “
I went in boots Boxing Day and it was there …
I don’t know it’s just pointless

He promised me a shopping spree after Xmas for my birthday the other day ,now he’s skint.

OP posts:
KTSl1964 · 21/12/2025 13:44

Op won't do anything different - some people just post to complain - she's one of them. See how much you enable him - he doesnt respect you at all.

Pranksters · 21/12/2025 13:48

lulu55xxx · 20/12/2025 11:05

yeah he’s like this with everything,I have to get his niece and dad presents or he wouldn’t bother.
I had to get his Mother’s Day card for his mum.
i organise holidays /hotels /planes/meals out etc
or it just won’t happen
I honestly feel like his personal assistant at times
Tonights his work night out,I had to find his Xmas jumper /jeans /trainers to match
Couldnt find his car keys
This has been a ongoing thing for 6 years now

You don’t have to do any of this, you choose to.

Stop.

Dollybantree · 21/12/2025 13:48

I think he sounds like a tight fisted git rather than just incompetent.

He doesn’t want to spend the money 🤷‍♀️

Definitely get refunds on his presents and spend the money on yourself. Don’t be a mug!

MintSnail · 21/12/2025 13:53

Get him a Lynx Africa gift set and see how he likes it.

Brefugee · 21/12/2025 13:57

lulu55xxx · 20/12/2025 11:05

yeah he’s like this with everything,I have to get his niece and dad presents or he wouldn’t bother.
I had to get his Mother’s Day card for his mum.
i organise holidays /hotels /planes/meals out etc
or it just won’t happen
I honestly feel like his personal assistant at times
Tonights his work night out,I had to find his Xmas jumper /jeans /trainers to match
Couldnt find his car keys
This has been a ongoing thing for 6 years now

at the risk of being the 94th person to say this: No. You don't

Just stop it.

Horses7 · 21/12/2025 13:58

I’d be fuming and would return all his stuff to store and get him some cheap gifts not on his list - but then I’m vindictive and would not be full of Christmas cheer if H did this.

SusiQ18472638 · 21/12/2025 13:59

DappledThings · 19/12/2025 17:48

It just highlights the pointlessness of it. Does buying stuff off a list to a set budget really bring any Christmas joy? What's the point? You're both spending the same amount of money and you know what you are unwrapping. May as well just spend £200 on yourself.

Agree with this, seems particularly pointless, especially if he gets all the stuff he wants and you end up with a load of crap! Might as well just spend the £200 on yourself and actually get what you want!!

Tereseta · 21/12/2025 13:59

lulu55xxx · 19/12/2025 17:38

So this year we decided instead of just buying random stuff that we might not like to write a list with about £200 budget of things we wanted.
So I wrote my list and wrote down things I wanted for a while and he wrote his.
I bought everything on his list with a little extra present (a month ago )
He went for his Christmas shopping today and just rang me telling me he’s done but didn’t get anything off my list as a lot of the things weren’t in stock in town (tiny town centre ) hence me going further afield and ordering online.
So he said he “winged” it
Would you be disappointed?
Last year he winged it and I ended up with nivea gift sets (which I don’t use ) half price pjs from Primark and other random bits.
The nice perfume I asked for I never got because he said “ it’s out of stock everywhere “
I went in boots Boxing Day and it was there …
I don’t know it’s just pointless

He promised me a shopping spree after Xmas for my birthday the other day ,now he’s skint.

Simple- return all of his pressies and get him a lynx bath set and some socks

Dollybantree · 21/12/2025 14:00

lulu55xxx · 20/12/2025 11:05

yeah he’s like this with everything,I have to get his niece and dad presents or he wouldn’t bother.
I had to get his Mother’s Day card for his mum.
i organise holidays /hotels /planes/meals out etc
or it just won’t happen
I honestly feel like his personal assistant at times
Tonights his work night out,I had to find his Xmas jumper /jeans /trainers to match
Couldnt find his car keys
This has been a ongoing thing for 6 years now

Ohhhh no. No no no.

You don’t need to do any of that OP. Just stop. And preferably dump him.

FrankSinatraonToast · 21/12/2025 14:01

Tonights his work night out,I had to find his Xmas jumper /jeans /trainers to match
Couldnt find his car keys

I can't actually believe that a grown man without a learning disability would need that kind of assistance.

Happilyobtuse · 21/12/2025 14:05

Wait and see what you get on Christmas Day! Maybe he is just trying to prank you. If he actually hasn’t got anything off your list then just tell him next year to transfer the £200. It is not ideal but you can order it and then he can wrap and get it ready. If he wants to buy anything extra that is up to him.

Men love last min shopping! All the guys bar one at my work were talking about it on friday about how they had to go shopping this weekend. The women had all finished shopping. Our team has 3 women and 9 men. So looks like men procrastinate and then go buy random things! My DH has also been shopping yesterday and today for his team at work, and for me. No idea what I will end up with. To avoid disappointment I have already bought myself whatever I really wanted. Anything he gets is extra! Don’t want to ruin my Christmas. My parents and sibling always get me fabulous presents so the bar is set high!

Tillygan60 · 21/12/2025 14:17

Just stop being his pa...and ditch the xmas lists. Just borh buy your own presents, job done!

BellissimoGecko · 21/12/2025 14:18

What do you get out of the relationship, op? Do you feel loved, cherished, looked after?

ChristieMcVie · 21/12/2025 14:23

Give yourself the best Christmas present ever and dump him. How you have not got the ick after 6 years of this useless cheapskate is beyond me. Whatever happens, do not give him anything off his list - he doesn't deserve it.

viques · 21/12/2025 14:47

CharlieEffie · 19/12/2025 17:53

But as post says he clearly needs a list as otherwise he literally buys crap

Show quote history

Even with a list it sounds as though he buys crap!

Learn from this OP. Next time you get the money, buy the gifts you want and lock him in the back bedroom with wrapping paper, sellotape and ribbon until he produces something looking remotely like a surprise bought with love.

TheMorgenmuffel · 21/12/2025 14:50

He is telling you that you are unimportant.

Hopefully you'll believe him and walk away but at the very least you should take the gifts you bought him and replace them with ones you also 'winged' because the cheeky bastard made sure he got his list fulfilled before half arsing yours, didn't he?
Thats not accidental. Thats intentional.

6 fucking years? You are a mug.

twinmummystarz · 21/12/2025 14:51

He sounds awful and thoughtless. Either decide you don’t care and next year spend £200 on what you would really like and tell him to skip presents or ditch him and find a nicer boyfriend who actually gives a damn about your feelings. You deserve better!

HygerTyger · 21/12/2025 15:05

lulu55xxx · 20/12/2025 11:05

yeah he’s like this with everything,I have to get his niece and dad presents or he wouldn’t bother.
I had to get his Mother’s Day card for his mum.
i organise holidays /hotels /planes/meals out etc
or it just won’t happen
I honestly feel like his personal assistant at times
Tonights his work night out,I had to find his Xmas jumper /jeans /trainers to match
Couldnt find his car keys
This has been a ongoing thing for 6 years now

Oh come on op. Take some responsibility here. why on earth would you allow him to treat you like a skivvy? why are you accepting this?

ScribblingPixie · 21/12/2025 15:07

Make sure he keeps the receipts, return anything rubbish and buy what you wanted after Christmas. Disappointing, though.

NaturePlace · 21/12/2025 15:11

dayslikethese1 · 20/12/2025 11:27

Why don't you both agree not to buy presents for each other in future and then you can buy yourself what you want. Much easier and less wasteful.

I so agree! It makes life so much easier.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/12/2025 15:13

MostlyHappyMummy · 19/12/2025 17:42

Return the gifts you have purchased for him and go into your local town and buy some random gifts for him. Match his energy

Yes, that’s what I’d do! And then buy him a Lynx gift set and the naffest fluffy Christmas socks I could find.

ConstitutionHill · 21/12/2025 15:19

MostlyHappyMummy · 19/12/2025 17:42

Return the gifts you have purchased for him and go into your local town and buy some random gifts for him. Match his energy

Love this. Then, have a proper discussion about how he is coming across as an incompetent cheapskate.

Hankunamatata · 21/12/2025 15:20

Take all his back op. Get him some generic body spray and boxers - job done

Hankunamatata · 21/12/2025 15:21

lulu55xxx · 20/12/2025 11:05

yeah he’s like this with everything,I have to get his niece and dad presents or he wouldn’t bother.
I had to get his Mother’s Day card for his mum.
i organise holidays /hotels /planes/meals out etc
or it just won’t happen
I honestly feel like his personal assistant at times
Tonights his work night out,I had to find his Xmas jumper /jeans /trainers to match
Couldnt find his car keys
This has been a ongoing thing for 6 years now

You chose to do all those things for him though.....

WilfredsPies · 21/12/2025 15:25

lulu55xxx · 20/12/2025 11:05

yeah he’s like this with everything,I have to get his niece and dad presents or he wouldn’t bother.
I had to get his Mother’s Day card for his mum.
i organise holidays /hotels /planes/meals out etc
or it just won’t happen
I honestly feel like his personal assistant at times
Tonights his work night out,I had to find his Xmas jumper /jeans /trainers to match
Couldnt find his car keys
This has been a ongoing thing for 6 years now

Who bought his family cards and presents before he met you? How did he manage to dress himself? Did his mum come to his house each day and help him pick out a vest and a pair of pants? Did he never do anything or go anywhere? He’s not incapable. He’s lazy. And the more you do for him, the more he will let you do. And it will be an ongoing thing for the rest of your lives together until he’s so lazy you’ll be running his baths and wiping his arse for him.

If you want to put a stop to this, it needs to happen now. Tell him that you want to be sexually attracted to him but because he’s been behaving like a helpless drip for so long, incapable of even sorting his clothes for a night out, you now see him as a helpless drip. And you might be able to overlook that if he took some time and care and made some effort with you, but he hasn’t even bothered to do that. As a result, the thought of being intimate with him has left your nether regions dryer than the crumbs in the bottom of a tub of dry roasted peanuts. Because who looks at a helpless drip and thinks ‘I want to rip his clothes off’? I guarantee you’ll see a significant improvement.

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