Feel a bit weird about what my cleaner did.

[DeadlyDead]

My cleaner has been with me for a few years. She’s a very nice woman, but can be a bit sensitive (if I give any feedback/ask for her to change something she does etc. she doesn’t take it well). I trust her- she has her own set of keys for my house, knows the alarm code etc. Good relationship overall- if I’m home when she’s here I’ll make us both coffee and we’ll chat.

She came on Monday for her usual cleaning appointment. I put my Christmas decorations up last weekend and she was very complimentary of them, asking where I got various bits etc. To be fair, I do go a bit OTT and love Christmas and this year’s decorations turned out especially well- I make a lot of stuff myself, and also have been collecting bits for years. We had coffee and then I needed to go out so we said our goodbyes, and I left her to it.

She lives about eight miles away from me, but we’re in the same area.

Today, I went onto Facebook and a post from a local group I’m in came up. It was a photo of someone showing off their Christmas decorations- I had to do a double take because it was my house! Pictures of my living room, hallway, landing, and sitting room, all decked out for Christmas. They were posted by my cleaner (under her own name- we’re not FB friends but both members of this group). The caption is along the lines of “not bad for a tired mum of three” and there are a few thousand likes and a several hundred comments (it’s a very big group). Lots asking where she got various items from and she’s replying, based on her asking me the same thing on Monday! In one comment she didn’t know where something was from and replied “I’ve had that for years, it was originally my Nan’s” 😮 (about a candle holder I got in Next c. 2019!!)

When I first saw it, I was a bit perplexed but didn’t dwell. Now that it’s sunk in, I’m a bit pissed off. My home isn’t instantly recognisable to strangers based on those photos, it does feel like a breach of privacy.

As I said, she can be quite sensitive so even saying this to her gently will likely result in her getting upset, and likely not coming to clean for me again. I can get another cleaner, but I don’t really want things to end this way as I’ve been happy with her until now.

In my shoes, would you be annoyed?

AIBU to be annoyed?

I would be telling her she doesn’t have a job anymore, to take down the post, asking for my keys back, changing the locks, and the alarm code!

I would probably message to mention that I'd seen it and would like it taken down. However I do feel a bit sorry for her as maybe her home / decorations are no where near as nice and she was envious. It's still a weird thing to do though.

This is giving me Parasite vibes. Argh escape!

She sounds unhinged. I'd start worrying about what she might do next. I googled the 'Single White Female' film as a previous poster suggested, and personality stealing is apparently a thing.

I immediately thought of this.

I think you should get the keys back and then tell her the reason why. If you don’t tell her the reason why then she’ll never know, and then you might always feel a bit weird that it seems like you just binned her off.
I used to be really bad at being up-front with people, but now I find it easier as I’ve realised that if I really believe I’m justified then it’s ok to say it. You can still say it kindly. I think it would be okay to be really honest and just say that you wish it hadn’t ended this way, but you’re feeling uncomfortable since seeing the Facebook post and it has affected your level of trust.
You sound like a pretty sorted, strong and kind person – so I’m sure it will be okay.
Good luck!

Yes, me too. It's quite creepy actually....

I would be more worried than annoyed, she is obviously a deceptive and dishonest person to do something like that, I would be worried about having anyone like that in my house.

Wild! A generous present for invading the privacy of a client and being weird on the internet.

Why are you suggesting she rewards this intrusive, deceptive and unprofessional behaviour with a gift?

One thing that is important in life is being comfortable with everyone who comes into your home.

Try having a wee bit of empathy for the OP,
if you read all her posts you’d see she already gave the cleaner a lovely gift.

So there’s the post which is obviously unacceptable, but then the bigger question of what is driving this behaviour overall and how it might escalate. I wouldn’t feel safe around her after this

I'd sack her on the spot, who knows what else she's taking liberties with!!

I get this. It's a really weird feeling if the inside of your home pops up on social media. My cleaners tik tok account popped up on mine as a suggestion one day. She took photos and selfies with my pets and posted them. In one you could see my bedroom. It's very uncomfortable. I still employ her because she does a good enough job and I'm always at home when she's here.

But it meant I now always have a weird feeling and wouldn't leave her to do her job whilst I'm not there.

I would just comment, "This is my house?!"

Sometimes honesty is the best policy. Even as an example for others.

It's really weird and I think I'd be unhappy with my house being on social media. But I'd also feel a bit sorry for her, she obviously wouldnt have the same level of decorations as you and perhaps is living vicariously through you, getting comments from people she knows, perhaps she's lonely? I'd try and gently tell her you saw it and would like it to be removed if you are happy with her maybe quitting on you... Very awkward, good luck with whatever you decide OP!

The cleaner's arrived! Poor woman my arse.

You could pop round to hers and ask for your keys back, saying you need to lend them to a friend/family member to get into your house while you're away. Once you have the keys back you can then tell her why you dont want her coming in your house again. She sounds nuts though

Screen shot it and ask her to delete! Wowzers. I’d be raging. Such an invasion of privacy and also really dishonest. I wouldn’t be worrying about hurting her feelings!

Well the casual blasphemy at Christmas does nothing for your image.

I mean what else is she getting obsessive over and taking pictures or in your house when you’re not there? If she’s becomes over obsessed or emotional she has access to your home with keys and alarm code. That’s like basic clinic confidentiality who does that! Odd behaviour and would be gone

I'd be sacking her, no way I'd be happy about this

I would actually take this as a complement , someone is aspiring to your lifestyle , let them have their online moment , what does it really matter n the grand scheme of things , she probably has a very frugal hard life

Oooomf, not sure I could trust her after that. I wouldn't publicly shame her, but I would have a chat and ask her to take it down. Her feelings and sensitivity aren't your responsibility. She's an adult and can figure out how to deal with her feelings.

I think you should inform her you know
To me it's just common sense, to mention you know & feel uncomfortable with this
She doesn't seem very intelligent if she didn't realise this would most likely come to light - I'm not saying she's bad, & remembering the saying which means that copying is one of the highest forms of flattery, it's an indirect compliment to your taste-Her wishing to take the credit(could understand if you were teens at school competing) - But it's overstepping the mark, I feel
Long term I also believe she'll appreciate your openness in concerns with knowing & wishing for her to remove your premiere precious pictures 💚Wishing You&Yours all the utmost very best