To think it’s inappropriate?

[Outnumbered89]

DSD lives with her mum and family a few hours away from us. She turns 17 at the beginning of January and has a boyfriend who is 18, they have been dating for a few months, I’ve not met him but DH has met him once, says he’s a nice lad.

We are going to visit DSD over Xmas, DH wants her to come back home with us for a while. We live in a quiet rural location, not in walking distance to any shops and everything closes on public holidays, most cafes etc close between Xmas and NY too. DSD is usually (understandably for teens) bored in this location and doesn’t enjoy staying here preferring us to visit her where there is lots going on. Knowing she doesn’t like it here, DH has told DSD that her boyfriend can come to stay too - no conversation or discussion with me prior to this. We have spoken previously about having DC partners to stay over and we were in agreement that it’s not something we would allow until DC are over 18. We didn’t allow my DD’s boyfriend to stay until she was over 18 and we knew him well. It doesn’t sit comfortably at all with me and this is now complete double standards if DSD’s boyfriend is allowed to stay with her almost 17!

I do not know this boy, I am sure he’s a decent person but he is a stranger to me, and I am not comfortable with having a complete stranger sleeping in my house and having to entertain them in a rural location where everything is closed! I am not comfortable with having DSD and boyfriend sharing a bed due to her age. (I am fully aware that she is over the age of consent and they will be having sex regardless of this situation). But, I don’t want it under our roof.

I am annoyed that DH has told her she can have the boyfriend over to stay and I feel it’s hypocritical given we didn’t allow the same situation for my DD until she was over 18. I am even more annoyed that he didn’t discuss
it with me first and is now huffy and moody as I have told him it is absolutely not happening and he needs to tell DSD. Am I in the wrong not to allow something that makes me feel uncomfortable?

I’ve said YABU because I don’t agree with the rule of waiting until they are 18 personally. Plus, given the distance, all her boyfriends will be unknown to you/a stranger so they will never be able to stop over with that reasoning.

i do agree that you should be consistent though and as you had that rule for your daughter, it’s right that the same applies. Does he/she expect to share a room? Maybe the compromise is they have separate rooms?

Yes, I must be a stuffy old crone like you think, and the children should most definitely tell me to piss off forever. Afterall, what sort of decent parent/step parent would want to protect a 16yr old from moving too quickly with a 2.5minth relationship after a previously history of said 16yr old dating and having a pregnancy scare with a convicted rapist. I surely have a duty to look out for all children under our roof, whether they are biologically mine or not. It’s not control, it’s parenting.

As an aside I would be having strong words with my adult ds if they were planning on staying over with a 16yr old so early on in their relationship. Not that I could stop him of course but I would be having a discussion about it.

Oh come on. She's 17 not 12. You had an unreasonable rule with your children so feel the need to continue the unreasonable rule. Will your DC even care??

If you think telling your kids their partners can't stay avoids them having sex then you're delusional 🤣 the best thing you could do is let them stay and leave a condom on the bed!!

I assume your eldest daughter was still a virgin when you had this rule or at least that's what you believed at the time. Your SD is not a virgin and is with her new boyfriend regardless of what you think about her having sex. It's safer to have her closer to her dad in this situation so that he has the opportunity to talk to her new boyfriend.

Pherian
I'd probably be another of those 'stuffy old crones' you seem to have a problem with
Can I just say we are all aware of the age of consent but whilst a person looks "ready" and able it doesn't mean they actually are.
Oh and another thing if any child of mine told me to "piss off" I'd be tempted to tell them that if that's how they feel, then they should,
from my house know the way to their perfect-we-will-always-be-together loves place
You sounded very hostile, aggressive and angry with your reply, and if having sex as and when you wanted when younger didnt in any way affect you then zippedydoo aren't you the lucky one........
Don't push your 'two fingers up to the world' attitude resentfully at everyone who cares and tries to advise in their children's lives
I reckon because your answer was so sharp and concise
You're either a freewheeling man
Or
Someone, who's decided to take this stance for personal reasons?

I reckon because your answer was so sharp and concise
You're either a freewheeling man
Or
Someone, who's decided to take this stance for personal reasons?

Or a teenager. The rudeness and 'you're old so you can't possibly have any opinions worth listening to' attitude suggests a very young and immature person.

Youth is truly wasted on the young isn't it?