Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

Are you suggesting that there are no abusive parents in Swutzerland?

Sadly OP you’re kind of proving the schools point. You’ve decided you’re more important, there are parents who have decided that they can ‘just’ post a small part which largely shows their child in a 19 second clip. This is what some schools blanket ban. We had this a few years back and someone posted ‘their’ child and hadn’t realised that one of the children in the video had been removed from his home due to abuse. Someone posted the video, very good intention but didn’t realise he was visible. It caused a blow up. The school got blamed when another parent complained because she knew someone from
the family. It got messy. It’s not about you, this is half the issue these days, people think it’s only a small thing and are therefore entitled to do as they please because they feel more important than the rule in place. Sure it’s annoying sometimes but schools generally enjoy a quiet life.

This has already been explained to you very clearly by an experienced foster carer. A child who is at risk wouldn’t be in a public space wearing anything identifiable like a school uniform and would be seated somewhere where they wouldn’t appear in the background of photos. Social media use also absolutely does need policed where lives could be in danger. Professionals on this thread have explained to you articulately and patiently why we need these rule to be followed, but people like you will never hear it because doing what you want is more important.

There are none in private schools either, apparently. It’s a scary level of denial.

Have you read this @Dramatic

Have you any idea of the anxiety you could cause someone who has fled from a domestic situation and is trying to hide? When they see you filming they have no idea who’s gonna see it and it could cause them all kinds of issues they don’t know that you’re not gonna show it to anybody else. You’re being extremely selfish and you should have a long look at yourself.

This. So long as it doesn’t go further nobody is in danger.

This is the inevitable end point. And the parents can wail to their hearts content.

It's like "don't park on the zig zag lines outside the school" and the parents who do because they think they are more important and it doesn't count for them because they are in a rush. I genuinely think more should be done to deal with the anti social behaviour - and I firmly class it as anti-social behaviour, not just filming their darlings.

Why do we need an archive of our child's moments?!

What's wrong with memory?

This is useless data never to be seen again.

Most parents don't feel the need to document their child's life to the nth degree.

Enjoy the moment for it's fleetingness.

It's parents like you who spoil it for others. Most critically, risking danger to children at risk.

But also, the knock on effect.
At my youngest's primary school, there was a no photo rule during any school performances/sports day with the exception that the head would allow you to take a photo of your own child only at the end in their costume/with their medal etc. She would also turn a blind eye if you took a photo with your child with a friend(s) as long as you had the agreement of the other parents. Unfortunately some parents just took the piss and took it as carte blanche to photograph and video anyone they pleased. So after that no photos at all.

And off i head to the airport back to Switzerland to my Utopia away from the virtue signalling. Actually printed out alot of photos taken of my family this year to display them in frames, give as gifts, make calendars and albums and treasure those moments that seemingly others don't. Hpw odd. I will keep taking those photos and I will not apologise or feel bad about it.
Anyway over and out, I'm off to enjoy Christmas.

A couple of posters might not have got the message @musicinme but others will remember what you and others who have had experience in this have said. I certainly have a better understanding why the rules are there and how difficult life is for some children now.

Our school used to have a blanket ban, but there were so many complaints about it,( and it didn’t actually stop anyone) that it’s turned into “ you may photograph/video, but try to keep it only to your child, and under no circumstances must you share the photos or put them on social media”. So far, so good and they give an opportunity at the end of the performance to take pictures.
However, we do have a lot of children who do not have permission to be photographed ,for a variety of safeguarding reasons, who are removed from the situation to be on the safe side.

I stayed away from this thread for days, because as a teacher I kind of imagined where the OP was going and I didn't want to get annoyed by one more selfish, entitled twat of a parent.

Unfortunately I gave in , and yep here we are "me, me, me, me ..and what I want"

Why can't people like you take the time to appreciate that the world does not revolve around your child? Rules are in place for a reason, to protect all the children, but honestly this is such a bloody common attitude amongst parents these days, I'm exhausted with it.

Yes you are being unreasonable. It’s to keep children safe. You say, I’m not putting it on social media but you still have a load of footage of other children on your phone. I’m sure some parents wouldn’t be happy with that! Rules are rules. Your husband presumably gets annual leave. He could take some if he doesn’t want to miss out.

It honestly really depresses me that the school just 'gave in' because parents whinged. I get why they did, but it's depressing.

That is EXACTLY why children have to be moved on - because you can never police it and never know who will be shown the photo/recording in real life. The foster children I cared for had to be moved simply because a photo had been taken at all. There was no question it had been posted online, but they were of high risk of abduction and therefore Children's Services could not take the risk. The child (and their siblings) had to leave what was there safe haven of their new school because there had been a photo taken.

Thank you so much for explaining much better than I did. Because we, as a family look "normal" others would have no idea the restrictions some of our children have on their lives. As you say no school uniform in public, no usual route to school at the usual time, plain closed police escorts at the school gate, no clubs or birthday parties, no attendance at sports day or events more open to other parents. They probably think we are very anti-social because the children cannot accept invitations, but we cannot explain why this is necessary. And the simple act of a photograph being taken can mean, once again, they have to leave their school, their friends and sometimes their new home.

Thank you for understanding!!

Just wanted to say on behalf of the vulnerable children I have cared for over the years, I am genuinely sorry that parent's freedom is eroded in this way and I thank those who follow the rules, especially when the reasons cannot be properly explained to them. I too would liked to have taken photos of my children and grandchildren, so I get it. They will of course never know, but by sticking to the rules they have been responsible for a child not having to change schools or leave their foster home.

ps this is not at all sarcastic I am genuinely grateful

As a foster carer, thank you so much. I have seen the look on teacher's faces during an event when a parent takes out their phone in front of vulnerable children. Knowing that next time that child will have to be sit in a classroom with a TA and miss out.

Teachers using the word "twat" should face disciplinary action.

Unclutch those pearls a little before you get cramp in your fingers .

I’ll bite - teaching and school staff outside of the workplace can use any language they choose. It’s not your call. Just like I believe parents who can’t follow basic safeguarding rules should have their children removed. But that’s not my call.

It's OK that you're happy for your children to be taught by swearing teachers.

Yes, it's not your call to police other people.

I am going to have the last word on this.
Just do as you are asked.

The end.